When does communication become obnoxious?


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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #1  May 25,2009, 7:50pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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I'll attempt to be brief getting to the heart of my question. I've been going through the guided communication process on eH. Well, I finally made it to the open communication with a person I seemed interested in. During the guided communication part, we would make contact about every other day or so, sometimes a little longer. So, it took a little to get the open communication. However, once we got there, he wrote an initial email, and I responded. I try not to be impatient when waiting for a response, because I know a lot can come up and be a reason for a person who is interested not to respond quickly. But it has been more than a week with no response. He hasn't closed me out which leave me to wonder is he not interested or is there some other reason he hasn't responded.

That leads me to my question. Would emailing him again seem like I'm being pushy or obnoxious? I don't want to seem like the crazy girl who can't let go or that I'm so that I'm so desperate that I have to resort to throwing myself at him. I mean what are the rules? Where is the line between seeking closure and looking like a person who's a bit off? Once upon a time, there were rules to dating. So, what is the correct etiquette of online dating? How far should one go to gain closure?
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #2  May 25,2009, 8:00pm
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I sincerely believe that the most simplistic and logical explanation is usually the most accurate one. In a case like this the simple answer is he's just not that interested. Of course there could be all kinds of other factors, but that's the most likely reason. Given that the best thing to do is leave it alone. You don't have to close the match, and you can leave it open in case he does respond later, but I wouldn't be standing around waiting.

There was this movie that came out not too long ago that I'm sure very people heard of , but it was called "He's just not that into you." It had some tough messages, but it's something we all need to hear.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #3  May 25,2009, 8:14pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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waltercl wrote :
There was this movie that came out not too long ago that I'm sure very people heard of , but it was called "He's just not that into you." It had some tough messages, but it's something we all need to hear.
I get what you're saying, and don't think that didn't cross my mind. However, I just didn't want to be too hasty or quick to jump to conclusions...hence, why I was questioning if I should even attempt to contact him and ask what the deal is. I guess I just like closure in nice clean terms. He could have just said, he wasn't into me, and I would have already been closing him out before the email finished loading.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  May 25,2009, 8:22pm
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Go ahead and send him another note; if he doesn't respond to that one pretty quickly, then move on. It's not pushy to send one at this point. You two haven't even met, so it's not like he's had a chance to reject "you." It has also been a long holiday weekend, so he may not have been focused on eH communications for a bit...
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #5  May 25,2009, 8:39pm
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CreolePrincess, although you may like closure, you have to realize most of the time you won't get it on a dating site, even once you reach OC. I agree with waltercl's advice to just leave it open. You could send a nudge or another email, but you in turn still might not get a response which is not the closure you are looking for. And if he did respond, there is a good chance he would do the same thing - wait to respond - down the line. Also realize that it is quite common that even if GC goes fairly quickly, once OC is reached it can really slow down. Consider yourself fortunate if OC goes quickly back and forth.
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #6  May 25,2009, 8:40pm
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Hmmm....not sure if there's a certain protocol for this type of stuff, but I personally would:

1) Not email him again, and....
2) Not close him

I'd simply continue communicating with and dating other guys. If this guy to whom you're referring decides to email, cool. If he doesn't, cool (at the very least, you've wasted no time waiting around for him).

....Best wishes
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #7  May 25,2009, 9:09pm
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Doctora's advice is pretty good.

There could be many reasons for a slow reply... especially this week.

This week I had to double time it at work in order to get a 4 day weekend so my entire week was hectic.

I am sure that many people are busier than me so it could be as simple as that.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #8  May 25,2009, 9:50pm

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neardc wrote :
Go ahead and send him another note; if he doesn't respond to that one pretty quickly, then move on. It's not pushy to send one at this point. You two haven't even met, so it's not like he's had a chance to reject "you." It has also been a long holiday weekend, so he may not have been focused on eH communications for a bit...

What she said Hmm I was going to write this. Also a lot of things come up. I've got a lot of matches since I'm in a metro area. He might too. I agree it's ok to email him again. It can be annoying when someone doesn't respond in a week. But I'm a more relaxed about that.

Good luck.
 
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wolflover is offline wolflover Post #9  May 26,2009, 5:12am
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I agree with bigfincat. It was a holiday week.. other things come up. computers blow up etc. I'd suggest wait a bit longer..
 
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PinayBeauty is offline PinayBeauty Post #10  May 26,2009, 5:37pm
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I agree with Doctora on this one. He could really just be busy or seeing other matches as you should be doing if no one has expressed they want to be exclusive. Until recently, I used to wonder why a lot of matches who wouldn't communicate further just wouldn't "close" the match since I like a neat, clean end to things, too.
I decided to just go with the flow and date others and if I heard from them again...great, but if not then so need to waste any mental energy on them. It kinda sucks if it's someone you like, but what can you do. If he happens to contact me again, I may consider dating again depending on his reasons. If I happen to be with someone that I'm happy with, he lost his chance.
 
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