seems like a great guy but he's moving too fast


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sillyramone is offline sillyramone Post #1  May 25,2009, 3:08pm
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I just got out of a 5 1/2 month long-distance relationship. We never met each other, but we had a really solid emotional relationship. I've been out of that relationship for less than a month. I want to get back out there and start dating, but want to take things very slowly. I met a guy on eharmony who right away was moving pretty fast (wanted to Fast Track, gave me his number in our first Open Communication message). I told him about just getting out of a relationship and wanting to take things slow. He seemed to understand that and be ok with it.

We chatted online some more and texted, and decided to meet up for coffee. We had a really good time and spent the whole afternoon together. He didn't try to do anything I wasn't ready for, but kept telling me I should come over to his apartment later on that evening to hang out and watch a movie. I didn't quite feel comfortable with that yet, and I told him if I did come over I wasn't ready to be affectionate at all. He said he was ok with that.

I didn't go to his place that night, but the next day I asked if he wanted to go to a movie. There was nothing we really wanted to see playing, so he said to just come over to his apartment to watch a movie.

He still was being very sweet and we got something to eat. We started watching our first movie and everything was going great. He started holding my hand, which I was fine with. Then he started kissing me, which I wasn't really ready for but didn't have a huge problem with. Then he started making out with me and touching me. I kept pushing his hands away and told him to stop. This kept happening from time to time and I would always push him away. He also asked me if I wanted to go back to his bedroom to lay down. He kept asking why I was being so shy, and said he was just attracted to me and that I was hot. I started to get really upset because I had talked to him about how I felt about moving very slowly and just getting to know each other. I felt like he didn't listen or respect anything that I said. I'm really disappointed because everything had been going so well up till then, and he seemed like a really nice, well-adjusted guy. Now I'm afraid he just wants my body.

Should I try to see this person again, or stay away?
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #2  May 25,2009, 3:13pm
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Find somone more your speed... For your own happiness you probably should not see him again...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 25,2009, 3:15pm
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Having to say the same thing over and over again is okay for children.

A grown man? Not!

Say goodbye and look for a new fellow.
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #4  May 25,2009, 3:23pm
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has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

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you made yourself looks so vulnerable with this guy. he doesn't sound very understanding. you shouldn't tell a guy to set the pace of your relationip. you set the pace, okay. if the guy gave you his phone number and you think the time is too soon....just take the # and don't call him.

plus, if you go to his place, you can expect that there will be more than nothing will happen. and you only need to tell a guy once, and only once. no compromise. if you don't want to be touch, tell him once. women shoud be respected. if it requires a second time, it's time to walk out with your head high and never come back!
Last edited by pukeko; May 25,2009 at 3:26pm.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #5  May 25,2009, 3:37pm
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is still out there

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DennisWisconsin wrote :
Find somone more your speed... For your own happiness you probably should not see him again...
D_Lion wrote :
Having to say the same thing over and over again is okay for children.

A grown man? Not!

Say goodbye and look for a new fellow.
LISTEN to these wise gentlemen
do not see him again...
 
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SisterCassie is offline SisterCassie Post #6  May 25,2009, 3:47pm
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sillyramone wrote :
I just got out of a 5 1/2 month long-distance relationship. We never met each other, but we had a really solid emotional relationship.
Forgive me ... this has been discussed in previous threads, and I just do not understand how one can have a really solid emotional relationship with someone s/he has never met. It wouldn't work for me personally, and I would not trust the depths of anything that occurred only electronically and/or telephonically.

As for the aggressor, he sounds disrespectful--you should move on, now not later. Something that both genders seem to agree on ... so far.
 
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chapgirl is offline chapgirl Post #7  May 25,2009, 4:13pm
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I can understand how someone can develop a close relationship with someone you have never met. I have been on a discussion board for about 10 years and the group there is very close. We have never met each other face to face. We happen to be clergy, and we share not only discussions on various theological issues, but also prayers, etc. We are a wonderful cyber community.

With regards to the guy moving too fast, don't see him again. He has no respect for what you said were your boundaries. I wouldn't feel too safe around him.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  May 25,2009, 4:23pm
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Very simple rule to live by:

You do not go over to his house or have him come over to yours unless you are ready for intimacy. You might be telling him that nothing is going to happen, but guys will try for more because what they are reading is your actions - you put yourself in a private vulnerable situation where things could happen willingly.

Yes, this rule is a gross generalization, but it can save a whole lot of women a whole lot of grief from creepy men with bad intentions.
 
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96speed is offline 96speed Post #9  May 25,2009, 4:37pm
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If someone respects you, they will listen to what you say and make an effort to respect you with their actions. The fact that he was quick to invite you over to his place and continued to push the pace says one thing--he wants to have sex with you. Let me be a little clearer--THIS GUY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Now, to me that its disrespectful to be so blatant in his attempt to have sex with you. Its not disrespectful to be attracted to someone, but if they tell you that they want to take things slow it is disresepectful to make such passes.

I disagree with the last post. I think you can visit someone's place without being ready to have sex. That said, its much easier for things to head that direction if you are naive, and some guys' goal is to get you in the door (just like a door to door salesman's odds go way up if they can get you to invite them inside). If you're not sure, yes, stay away or in a neutral/public location.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #10  May 25,2009, 5:15pm
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I agree with 96speed in that it is perfectly fine to go to each other's home early on. As a woman you just have to be prepared to leave if a guy does not respect your wishes.

I think that you do need to give people the benefit of the doubt involving trust until they prove that they don't deserve it.

You should always be cautious & look for signs but lacking trust for people in general is a major turn off.
 
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