Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
islandrain80 islandrain80 is offline
islandrain80's Avatar

islandrain80 has tired feet from chasing and waiting around....

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 430

See profile

Had a 2nd date with a great guy (1st date was weds, 2nd thurs). We did dinner and a movie. He gave me a lot of compliments, kept trying to get me to start into his eyes (I'm shy, so keeping eye contact isn't easy). During dinner he said he could read palms, so he read mine...then kept reaching for my hand during dinner.

On the way to the theater, he asked the ticket lady how I looked. She looked surprised lol, but said "ok". Then asked him how she looked, he replied "I can't tell you, I'm with her". During the entire movie he was holding my hand, rubbing my arm...finding ways to touch me.

During the 1st date, he said on Friday he was going to Chicago for busines (so I had a warning he was leaving). Thurs night he stayed until 2am and we had some good conversatioin about family, what we're looking for in the future, etc. But he had an early flight Fri so had to leave

He said he'll be gone 2-4 weeks, or might be back sooner. I'm trying not to over worry because he hasn't called or text'd. It's just, it was the best 2 dates I've ever had, among him being really cute, outgoing, smart, funny (oh and he makes really good money - different from the men I usually date).

I know it's not exclusive, so I'm still keeping my options open, but I miss him lol. When I talk about him to others, I can feel this huge grin on my face, and they tell me "I seem happy". At the same time, I'm trying to contain it because if it doesn't work out I don't want to be really hurt. .

Also, kinda worried if he might be a player. He's got money, was very flattering...at the same time he asked so many questions about me, I've never had anyone try to get to know me so well.

What do you think?
- May 25th, 2009, 07:52 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,309

See profile

I think you're worried about nothing. From what you've told us, he's doing nothing to suggest he's a player. It's OK to miss him and hope that he will continue to see you when he returns from his trip. It's also OK to feel a little weird about the fact that no man has tried to get to know you as well as he has. Just think positive =)
- May 25th, 2009, 07:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
BILLGOLF BILLGOLF is offline
BILLGOLF's Avatar

BILLGOLF Easter 2009 at church

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,100

See profile

If he is going to be gone and is not interested in communicating he may not be truly available. Don't get your hopes up here. He seems kind of fishy to me! Please let us know if you hear back from him.
- May 25th, 2009, 08:00 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
islandrain80 islandrain80 is offline
islandrain80's Avatar

islandrain80 has tired feet from chasing and waiting around....

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 430

See profile

BILLGOLF wrote :
If he is going to be gone and is not interested in communicating he may not be truly available. Don't get your hopes up here. He seems kind of fishy to me! Please let us know if you hear back from him.
Curious, what seems fishy about him?
- May 25th, 2009, 08:03 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
D_Lion D_Lion is online now
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 11,041

See profile

I’m taken aback. His behavior seems really “off” to me, like an act which has been practiced (palm reading, seriously?)

I think a man is this situation would usually attempt to maintain some degree of communication with a new romantic partner during his trip – not doing so is not encouraging.

I admit I’m on the opposite end of personality from his displays, so this could just be that difference speaking.
- May 25th, 2009, 08:11 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Work_in_Progress Work_in_Progress is offline
Work_in_Progress's Avatar

Work_in_Progress ~ Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Dalai Lama

Quick Study

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 114

See profile

islandrain80 wrote :
Had a 2nd date with a great guy (1st date was weds, 2nd thurs). We did dinner and a movie. He gave me a lot of compliments, kept trying to get me to start into his eyes (I'm shy, so keeping eye contact isn't easy). During dinner he said he could read palms, so he read mine...then kept reaching for my hand during dinner.

On the way to the theater, he asked the ticket lady how I looked. She looked surprised lol, but said "ok". Then asked him how she looked, he replied "I can't tell you, I'm with her". During the entire movie he was holding my hand, rubbing my arm...finding ways to touch me.

During the 1st date, he said on Friday he was going to Chicago for busines (so I had a warning he was leaving). Thurs night he stayed until 2am and we had some good conversatioin about family, what we're looking for in the future, etc. But he had an early flight Fri so had to leave

He said he'll be gone 2-4 weeks, or might be back sooner. I'm trying not to over worry because he hasn't called or text'd. It's just, it was the best 2 dates I've ever had, among him being really cute, outgoing, smart, funny (oh and he makes really good money - different from the men I usually date).

I know it's not exclusive, so I'm still keeping my options open, but I miss him lol. When I talk about him to others, I can feel this huge grin on my face, and they tell me "I seem happy". At the same time, I'm trying to contain it because if it doesn't work out I don't want to be really hurt. .

Also, kinda worried if he might be a player. He's got money, was very flattering...at the same time he asked so many questions about me, I've never had anyone try to get to know me so well.

What do you think?

Having been contacted by my share of scammers and players, and having read/heard enough of others’ encounters, while I wouldn’t assume anything just yet, I would exercise a little caution and try to be alert to and honest with yourself about anything that seems “off.”

I know everyone is different, but right off the bat all the flattery and “palm-reading” (did he actually keep a straight face?) strike me as contrived, and the exchange with the ticket lady just downright weird and kind of tacky (who would want to be put on the spot like that?) And he told you at some point in the first two dates how much money he earns?


Also, while he acted so taken with you so quickly, there were no firm plans for when he gets back? Normally I might not think much about a guy not calling/texting within a few days of even a date/s he really enjoyed; however, this one is supposedly gone on business (for 2-4 weeks??), but his trip begins on the holiday weekend when it’s unlikely there’s any business going on… So perhaps he’s taking this time for a little R&R first, but doesn’t even think to make contact to say “I enjoyed the dates” or “hoping I’ll be able to see you as soon as I get back.”??

The final thing that really jumped out at me was that “he asked so many questions about me, I’ve never had anyone try to get to know me so well.” But again, he’s away for 2-4 weeks, with no stated intention to keep in touch at all while he’s gone or firm plans for when he returns.


Sometimes the reason/s a person might be so flattering and try to learn details so quickly have nothing to do with romance, and I’m wondering if you’re not sensing this yourself and didn’t come here to ask us with the hope that we could reassure you it all sounded “normal.”


It might be that he is a nice guy who really likes you and just goes a little overboard with the flattery and gestures. We can only know the details you’ve shared here, which are taken out of context from the rest of the time you shared together, and the “face-to-face” behaviors that went with them. But I sincerely hope that if your own gut is sending you warning signals, you listen to it. That’s your built-in alarm system; you have it for a good reason. Please let us know how it turns out.
- May 25th, 2009, 09:11 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
ArtistCT ArtistCT is offline
ArtistCT's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

Only time will tell whether this is a good match FOR YOU. Enjoy the experience -- it is just so great when you meet someone that seems just right. But keep in mind that you don't know each other very well and it will take time to see if this is as great a match as you hoped. Keep your eyes open, don't project qualities on him that he doesn't have and enjoy getting to know him.

I had a similar experience a few months back -- he really was a very nice man, successful, great conversationalist, intelligent, etc. Initially I thought it was a great match.
He eventually opened up about all of the other women he was meeting and dating on E-harmony.
He wanted to stay in contact; I had the impression that I was somewhere on his list of potentials but it no longer felt right TO ME so I closed it out.
Bottom line is that it seemed like a great match at the beginning but it took time to see whether this was a match for either of us.
Just remember - in life it's not always about reaching your destination but the journey that gets you there.
- May 25th, 2009, 09:20 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
islandrain80 islandrain80 is offline
islandrain80's Avatar

islandrain80 has tired feet from chasing and waiting around....

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 430

See profile

Work_in_Progress wrote :
Having been contacted by my share of scammers and players, and having read/heard enough of others’ encounters, while I wouldn’t assume anything just yet, I would exercise a little caution and try to be alert to and honest with yourself about anything that seems “off.”

I know everyone is different, but right off the bat all the flattery and “palm-reading” (did he actually keep a straight face?) strike me as contrived, and the exchange with the ticket lady just downright weird and kind of tacky (who would want to be put on the spot like that?) And he told you at some point in the first two dates how much money he earns?


Also, while he acted so taken with you so quickly, there were no firm plans for when he gets back? Normally I might not think much about a guy not calling/texting within a few days of even a date/s he really enjoyed; however, this one is supposedly gone on business (for 2-4 weeks??), but his trip begins on the holiday weekend when it’s unlikely there’s any business going on… So perhaps he’s taking this time for a little R&R first, but doesn’t even think to make contact to say “I enjoyed the dates” or “hoping I’ll be able to see you as soon as I get back.”??

The final thing that really jumped out at me was that “he asked so many questions about me, I’ve never had anyone try to get to know me so well.” But again, he’s away for 2-4 weeks, with no stated intention to keep in touch at all while he’s gone or firm plans for when he returns.


Sometimes the reason/s a person might be so flattering and try to learn details so quickly have nothing to do with romance, and I’m wondering if you’re not sensing this yourself and didn’t come here to ask us with the hope that we could reassure you it all sounded “normal.”


It might be that he is a nice guy who really likes you and just goes a little overboard with the flattery and gestures. We can only know the details you’ve shared here, which are taken out of context from the rest of the time you shared together, and the “face-to-face” behaviors that went with them. But I sincerely hope that if your own gut is sending you warning signals, you listen to it. That’s your built-in alarm system; you have it for a good reason. Please let us know how it turns out.
He didn't tell me how much he earns. It was just obvious by what he drove, and the conversation we had about work (his business, travelling, etc.). When he did the "palm reading" he didn't keep a serious face (to me it felt like a humorous attempt to touch my hand), and with the ticket lady it felt like it was an attempt to make me feel better about myself. During dinner we had a conversation about how I viewed others viewed me.

There are no firm plans when he gets back, he gave me an estimate of how long he'd be gone, and said he wanted to take me out again. But nothing set in stone.

I didn't come here to hear that this was all normal, just interested in different takes on what happened.
- May 25th, 2009, 09:22 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
Doctora2012 Doctora2012 is offline
Doctora2012's Avatar

Doctora2012 is happy.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Nov 2007

Posts: 294

See profile

Sounds like you had wonderful dates with this guy! In an effort to protect your heart, however, continue dating other guys. I know it's tough doing so, especially when someone has captured your attention like this guy has. But going out with others will prevent you from focusing exclusively on this guy....we still don't know what he's really about (sincere? player?) so while we (meaning you, of course;-) figure him out, try getting out there and meeting other men.

Take his attention and compliments as being sincere -- and a testament that men think you're wonderful! Many others will see what this guy sees, so give others the opportunity to meet you, too.

....Best wishes:-)
- May 25th, 2009, 09:51 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
islandrain80 islandrain80 is offline
islandrain80's Avatar

islandrain80 has tired feet from chasing and waiting around....

Pacesetter

Join Date: Feb 2008

Posts: 430

See profile

Doctora2012 wrote :
Sounds like you had wonderful dates with this guy! In an effort to protect your heart, however, continue dating other guys. I know it's tough doing so, especially when someone has captured your attention like this guy has. But going out with others will prevent you from focusing exclusively on this guy....we still don't know what he's really about (sincere? player?) so while we (meaning you, of course;-) figure him out, try getting out there and meeting other men.

Take his attention and compliments as being sincere -- and a testament that men think you're wonderful! Many others will see what this guy sees, so give others the opportunity to meet you, too.

....Best wishes:-)
I'm not only focusing on him and shutting other potentials out. Still keeping my options open. It's just my potentials are super limited. I don't meet people/talk to new people easy. And when you find someone you're physically attracted and feel comfortable around, it's not easy to shift your focus lol.

I have taken the compliments sincere, and they've really boosted my self-confidence.
- May 25th, 2009, 10:30 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« I'm new at this. Please help | Array | Disheartened...once again »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's better to be ... ummm ... The Ladies will like you better and maybe see you again. I got more like 10-15 matches per week, the majority of which appear not to be active customers. Of the ... ” – Can_I_just_be_Jo

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“Verb Infinitive to indulge Third person singular indulges Simple past indulged Past participle indulged Present participle indulging to indulge (third-person singular simple present indulges, ... ” – Lilycat

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion

“Yesterday I went out on the fourth date with the same guy. We went for a ride on his Harley Fat Boy and then to dinner. Had a great time!” – grneydldy

Join the “Monday November 23rd weekend & date roundup!” discussion

“So three weeks ago Sunday I gave up on dating. Then Wednesday gave up on giving up after speaking with new guy (T) for four hours. I have no idea how many times T and I have gone out but he spent ... ” – Can_I_just_be_Jo

Join the “Is everyone but me dating?” discussion

“Ya know PY, this just reallly makes me want to find someone for you. ” – newbie40something

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion

“I was in the check-out line at the grocery store. Groceries all on the counter. The guy behind me keeps trying to tell me something. I had to ask him three times, because he was a mumbler, but ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Ever been Caught in the Wrong Line?” discussion

“ Get a lesson in jokes or someone to sleep with.” – D_Lion

Join the “Overwieght but physically active...” discussion

“ POF = Plenty Of Fish, another meat market. eH has the prime cuts. http://advice-static.eharmony.com/library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif” – tweet37

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:48 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0