What is more of a betrayal for you?


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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #1  May 24,2009, 10:07am

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I am curious to hear what you guys think would be more of a betrayal - an SO that had a one-night stand and never saw/talk to that person again or an SO that did not have a physical affair but had an emotional affair where they shared intimate details about you and your relationship?

So what would hurt you more and why do you think so?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  May 24,2009, 10:13am
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I would be hurt by the physical cheating & I highly doubt that I would stay with her after that.

The other scenario would not bother me much at all, if any.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #3  May 24,2009, 10:24am
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The emotional one would hurt me most. The physical just sex.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  May 24,2009, 10:25am
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I would say the emotional affair. Either way it is bad, but sex is sex and doesn't imply any attachment to the person. Shows a clear lack of disrespect and utter lack of self control for a guy to have a one night stand but to me that is a lot less damaging than a man having a second emotional relationship with someone.
 
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EltonFan is offline EltonFan Post #5  May 24,2009, 10:31am
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The physical betrayal would be the ticket for me. The emotional betrayal would be a great concern. As a female, sex is more than just a physical thing...most men know this about women. So when the SO crosses that line they know exactly what they are doing.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  May 24,2009, 10:36am
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I'll have to go with the physical betrayal. Given that women value that connection gained through physical intimacy, as EltonFan mentioned, the act of her sleeping with another man would hurt more. Women share details of their relationships with their male and female friends anyway, so that wouldn't bother me as much.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  May 24,2009, 10:40am
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tbesq wrote :
Women share details of their relationships with their male and female friends anyway, so that wouldn't bother me as much.

Excellent point.

Sex adds a health risk, too, which would be the factor which makes it worse for me. If not for that, I don't think I'd care too much.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  May 24,2009, 10:52am

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Hands down - I would be more hurt by an emotional affair then a purely physical affair.

To think that my SO shared my insecurities or my hang-ups with someone would devastate me and I would view it as a betrayal and probably would not be able to recover from it. If he had a one-nite stand, I would still feel betrayed but there may be a chance of recovering depending upon the circumstances of the relationship.

I wonder if this is a male/female thing...
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  May 24,2009, 10:57am
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Is it really an "affair" to have your SO share some intimate details of your relationship? I don't hear too many people, male or female, dump their SO for that. But I do know many who dump a partner for a sexual affair. If the emotional affair hurts more, why aren't there more breakups because of it?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  May 24,2009, 11:06am

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I think the physical cheating would bother me more. If he had an emotional affair, assuming he was attracted to her....he had the precense of mind to stop things (or at least think things over) before letting it progress. That shows precense of mind and regard for my feelings...and if he had an emotional affair I think I could recover from it because I could figure out what I could fix for him to want to be that close to me again. Though, I am just guessing of course... I don't think I've ever been in that position.

A one night stand would be less disastorous to me than a repeated encounter....but I still think I would have a much harder time getting past that than an emotional affair. It shows such a lack of judgement and regard, and control that I would have a hard time with in a partner. It is one thing if you are single, totally different if you are married!

It can be somewhat easy to fall into an emotional affair...though I am sure there are degrees. To a lesser degree we all can experience those with people we work closely with at work or school. . I've worked and studied with lots of married men that I became probably a little uncomfortable close to (in a non physical way) because we respected each other and really became friends due to a project or because we experience the same thing day in day out at work. It's almost hard to avoid at work and school and I think there has to be some understanding that in a relationship we will always meet people at work or wherever that we like...and might like a lot becaues we can relate to each other and have come to trust each other at least in a work related way....but our commitments are elsewhere and there are obvious lines to never ever cross!

The act of liking someone should be understood that it is just that....it doesn't mean you don't like your partner...it means there are lots of people out there you can know in a certain capacity, but that if you lived with them they would eventually become familiar and their faults would become highlighted eventually too.

I think I am most afraid of becoming involved with someone who does not understand this!!! That there will always be new and exciting people in the world...it does not invalidate the love you share and should not be a threat to the choices we make. Every time you get along with an attractive person of the opposite sex should not be cause to question your primary relationship.
 
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