What is more of a betrayal for you?

It is inappropriate for anyone to ask intimate/personal details of a person's relationship with someone else. If I knew (and I have) these conversations were taking place, I would pull back from the relationship. If I valued the relationship, I would certainly express my displeasure with the circumstance.

In at least one publication I read a while ago, this tactic--asking intimate details about someone's relationship--was described as a way for a person so inclined to manipulate the object of attention into transferring his/her feelings for the boy/girlfriend to the person with the 'inquiring mind.' I think it's sleazy and demonstrates why these extra curricular affairs are dangerous for an existing relationship. Even if the point is not to insert yourself somehow into another's relationship, whether you consider yourself a friend or not, it is still inappropriate when you're delving beyond small talk, making conversation or friendly chit-chat. An intimate relationship between two people now becomes one with a third wheel. No room, no thanks.

I agree that both physical and emotional dalliances are betrayals. And I wouldn't trust a same-gender friend who asked a lot of personal details about my relationship with someone either. Unless I offer, and I probably won't, I think it's wormy to ask.

Here's another question: Do you think you would recognize when someone may be manipulating you this way? Could head off some problems with the SO ... :-)

My man would keep his trap shut and tell the woman she was being inappropriate and to MYOB! or least say that he doesn't kiss and tell. ah, my hero ...

Physical is the deal breaker. Maybe I'm more open than others but it doesn't bother me if my SO talks about our relationship, even intimate details. I don't have anything to hide and don't feel embarrassed by any intimate details. If she's asking advice or even comparing notes to her other friends' relationships, it can be enlightening and/or a learning experience and could even strengthen our relationship.

But if she's having an emotional relationship with someone else as lovers, yeah, that's something totally different and unacceptable. Unless it's another woman, which of course begs the question: why does it seem more acceptable for a woman to be bisexual than a man? I don't know, but another woman wouldn't be as threatening to our relationship than a man would, from my perspective with her having the emotional affair at least. My opinion of course.

The physical betrayal would be the ticket for me. The emotional betrayal would be a great concern. As a female, sex is more than just a physical thing...most men know this about women. So when the SO crosses that line they know exactly what they are doing.