Putting yourself in your date's shoes


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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #1  May 24,2009, 3:40am
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Some people prepare a lot before their dates and some people don't; but regardless of this, what do YOU DO to prepare yourself for a date by putting yourself in your date's shoes?
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  May 24,2009, 3:43am
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I usually don't wear a strong scented product (or perfume) to my first date. Many people are very sensitive to smells and some strong scents can make them unconfortable and even cause headaches.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 24,2009, 4:32am
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Interesting question …

My most notable recognition of women’s perspective is to entertain unnecessary e-mails / phone calls prior to meeting (once I send the first communication, I am already ready to meet.)
 
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choiceweb0pen0 is offline choiceweb0pen0 Post #4  May 24,2009, 6:42am
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I try to think of an easy to locate meeting place if they are coming from out of town/ new to the area. Also if said place is appropriate for a first date: a bar/coffee shop verses just a coffee shop, not that an Irish Coffee or two might make it less awkward.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  May 24,2009, 7:07am
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When I was dating I always made sure my hair was not shaggy, that it was clean. I did the norm of shower and shave too since I have heavy five o'clock shadow that tends to chafe a girl's chin if we kiss. I made sure my shoes were clean and polished, my shirt pressed and my pants free of lint with neat creases.
 
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beatlejuice72 is offline beatlejuice72 Post #6  May 24,2009, 7:16am

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Interesting post. I say "interesting" because I asked a woman out on a date last week and she said she wanted to, but she would have to check her calendar. She said a friend of hers was visiting from out of town and she might not be able to, but she would get back with me. Well, this was Thursday night and Saturday was supposed to be the date. Never got a call or an e-mail. I'm sorry, but I think that's rude.

If a guy did that to her like if I did that then she would be raising cain and telling her friends about how I was a jerk, etc. It's become a punchline that "men don't call", but sometimes it's women who don't call. I call. I think that communication is important and when you tell someone that you're going to get back with them you should do it at least 24-48 hours before the date. And I'm also a person who believes in not being late for a date either. Sometimes it's unavoidable if there is a car accident, but if that's the case the person can call you and tell you they are running late.

Honesty is the best policy. And communication is the second best IMHO.
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #7  May 24,2009, 7:24am
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I would do all the normal primping with a little extra, I think it is important if it's a first date or the 1000 date.
 
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EltonFan is offline EltonFan Post #8  May 24,2009, 8:11am
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I'm a basic type of individual. The 'person' is much more important, to me, then the presentation, that being said, the date probably wants me to look well kept, clean and smelling good. Those are the basics. I would imagine that he wants me to match the image in his mind of what he wants. If I don't match that image then I've missed the mark. I could think I'm drop dead georgous, but if I don't match the picture in his mind it doesn't really matter. I mean I'll have his attention for awhile but then it will fade as "who I really am" presents itself. I think we are all that way. First impressions are important, but it's just the beginning. Put the best foot forward and begin the getting to know the other person journey. About 'who pays' for the date. If I'm putting myself in his shoes then I'm going to pay for my half of the date. If I had to pay for two people everytime I went out then I'd be broke most of the time (and I make a very good salary). So I think going 'Dutch' (as we used to say) is the fair and equitable way to meet someone the first time. Next, I'd be aware of his schedule. I know I need a good nights rest in order function at work and I imagine he does also. I can not party all night and work all day...not anymore. That's a good start, I think.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  May 24,2009, 10:24am

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I've always been pretty good with the appearance stuff. But I've come to learn how sensitive men can be. I think I am actually an overly nice person....or used to be....and used to go out of my way to be accomodating to people and would often be taken advantage of or seen as a doormat. At some point in my mid-20's I went the other direction and learned to stand up for myself.

If I am comfortable with someone I usually feel comfortable joking with them, being sarcastic, maybe even showing my more judgemental side (say we are people watching and pointing things out to each other). etc etc.

Maybe it is because I have dated too many foriegn men that don't seem to always catch the sarcasm but I have learned how delicate mens egos can be (women too of course as I have really tried to reverse it and put myself in their shoes).

So, without totally watering myself down and going back into push-over terriroty I'm trying to "put myself in my date's shoes" by being more aware of what comes out of my mouth and how it might be taken!

For instance.... a recent date wanted to meet at a place in his city and he sent me the link. I looked it up on Google Map's Street View. In all honesty I thought he was joking...it looked like a dump...it looked scary. I was a little put off (hardly knew this guy, where was he taking me!?) so I read the reviews and it was just a cool little place in a trendy part of town....that could have used some sprucing up on the outside.

When I wrote him back I admitted that at first I thought he was joking when I looked at it on Google Street View but that I had read the reviews and it looked good to me. (I can't remember how I put it but I thought I had taken the edge of it and it was funny)

He didn't seem to think it was funny and seemed to freak out a bit and listed all these other places we could go and we went out many more times....but I don't think he ever got it...that it was just my first impression. He seemed to take it personally FOREVER!

There were other instances like that too....I don't think all men are this sensitive but since I think I have my first date attire and hair and perfume down pat.....I guess I just have to try to be nicer ...lol.....its just that I think of myself as so harmless its hard to think or imagine how easy it is to offend other people. I'm so laid back ....its hard to imagine my words can be taken so seriously, but I guess when you hardly know someone they can be.
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #10  May 24,2009, 11:43am
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Be yourself. You don't want to be falling all over someone in an Armani suit only to find out its the only one he has and the rest of his closet is full casual clothes.

I usually take a shower, shave, trim any unsightly hairs (or pluck them) trim my nails, put on a starched shirt and a pair of linen or cotton slacks with slip-ons.

I once went on a date with a women I met on match.com. We had several IM's and phone conversations and then we met halfway.

I made the reservations. She drove up in a brand new Escalade and I'm sure she had 2-3000k worth of clothes on.

We sat down for dinner and I realized that she had on 14 bracelets (I counted) 4 necklaces (including a string of pearls) and to top it off, she pulls out a pair of diamond studded reading glasses. These were real diamonds.

I can smell that kind of money and she had been married to an investment banker who lived in Costa Rica.

Despite our initial attraction on IM and the phone the date was a bust. I was so ready to go I practically ran out and said, "well, I've got a long drive, nice to meet you."

I don't know who she thought I was or if she was trying to impress me or if that is just the way she was ... but it was NOT my style.
Last edited by sc4me; May 24,2009 at 11:49am.
 
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