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JustSomeGuy12 JustSomeGuy12 is offline
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I've met 4 people on EH so far, and I've struggled with this every time. Both for when you first see eachother, and also throughout the date. If demographics matter for the answer, I'm 23 looking for people my age, and living in the suburbs outside Chicago.

For first meeting, I would never assume that a handshake is appropriate, that just seems weird. A kiss seems like too much too, so the other options I can think of are hug, or no contact. I've been 2 and 2 so far, and I questioned myself every time.

During the date, I have the same problem. I'm a big snuggler and there's nothing better than physical contact for me, both sexual and nonsexual (for the first date, I'm referring to the nonsexual). On one date after we'd talked for a few hours on the phone, we felt comfortable going to a movie right away. I went to put my arm around her, and I'm not good enough at reading reactions to know what she thought of it. She didn't fight against it, but she didn't really lean into me at all either. On another date, we got on the farris wheel and I put my arm around her too, she did lean in a little, but that was more because the only thing to hold onto was in the middle of the 4 person car (we were facing her friends) and she was terrified of heights. She didn't move in our out at all when I put my arm around her.

What do girls think about this on a first date?
- May 23rd, 2009, 07:26 pm
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trackstar trackstar is offline
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I'm sure that everyone has their own preferences. For me, if I've spent a good amount of time e-mailing and talking with a guy and we've got a good, playful rapport going, then I'll feel more like I'm meeting a friend and give him a quick hello hug. Any more physical contact than that really depends on how the date is going. I would probably feel a little squeamish if some guy I'd just met put his arm around me. That's a pretty possessive move and some women can be put off by that sort of thing too early in a relationship. It sort of makes the safety flag go up, even if your intentions are entirely pure. Plus I would totally be thinking about those movie scenes, like in Grease at the drive-in, where the guy's arm slowly creeps around the girl. Awkward. I might wait for her to give some clues that she's okay with physical contact before going there.
Last edited by trackstar; May 24th, 2009 at 03:09 pm. Reason: accidentally posted before I was done
- May 24th, 2009, 02:56 pm
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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Assuming I've had adequate e-mail and phone communication with a woman from online, I usually do the following:

1. Greet with a handshake. If we've been communicating an extended period of time, especially over the phone, I'll greet with a hug.

2. If the date doesn't go well, usually handshake at the end. If the date goes well, usually a hug. If the date goes really well and the physical chemistry is undeniable, a hug and kiss. That only happens about 10% of the time.

I believe that you want to lead off a first date making a good impression. No physical contact at all would be weird to me. And at the end of the date, you want the type of contact to say something about how you feel about any potential compatibility. These are usually the two most harrowing parts of a first date, so try to get them right!
- May 24th, 2009, 03:03 pm
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waltercl waltercl is offline
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trackstar wrote :
I'm sure that everyone has their own preferences. For me, if I've spent a good amount of time e-mailing and talking with a guy and we've got a good, playful rapport going, then I'll be excited to meet him and give him a quick
Am I the only one wondering how she's going to end that post
- May 24th, 2009, 03:04 pm
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hankm25 hankm25 is offline
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I may be in the minority here but I feel that for a first date I'm reluctant to initiate physical contact. I really think it is up to the girl to give signals as to when physical contact is appropriate--signals include hand touching while talking, playful nudging after a joke...etc.
- May 24th, 2009, 03:04 pm
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Maybe I'm old school, but if all goes well, I really like being kissed. But I'm also a pretty touchy-feeling kinda person, so I hug lots of people.

So far, I keep meeting very nice and well behaved men on eH, which is great--can't deny the people are good--but I think I'm a little more aggressive and physical and feel kind of weird initiating physical contact with someone more reserved. I'm also a pretty big flirt with someone I like and need to figure out a way to do so without offending the less flirty men.

In answer to your question, if you like the person, go for a kiss and make your intentions known--don't just hug; go for it and cut to the chase so she knows what you're thinking and that you like her. More than likely, if she's like me, she won't mind in the least.
- May 24th, 2009, 03:35 pm
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I have no problem touching early on. I will usually greet with a hug & kiss on the cheek regardless of how much I have communicated with a woman.

One thing that I have noticed in myself is that it takes me a little time after the first date to figure out if I like someone. I may or may not go for a kiss after the first date because I may still be processing certain things about her.

I will usually have more clarity a few hours after that first date.
Last edited by bigfincat; May 25th, 2009 at 01:14 am.
- May 24th, 2009, 03:59 pm
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stevex stevex is offline
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I think a hug initially is okay if you have been communicating and having good chemistry. At the end of the date, a huge and/or kiss depending on how it went.

As far as during the date, I would hold off of putting my arm around her on the first date. Some women are more touchy feely than others, I suppose if she wanted to get closer and be more touchy feely she would show signs and in that case I might take a chance and see what happens.
Last edited by stevex; May 24th, 2009 at 04:03 pm.
- May 24th, 2009, 04:00 pm
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rei818 rei818 is offline
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tbesq wrote :
Assuming I've had adequate e-mail and phone communication with a woman from online, I usually do the following:

1. Greet with a handshake. If we've been communicating an extended period of time, especially over the phone, I'll greet with a hug.

2. If the date doesn't go well, usually handshake at the end. If the date goes well, usually a hug. If the date goes really well and the physical chemistry is undeniable, a hug and kiss. That only happens about 10% of the time.

I believe that you want to lead off a first date making a good impression. No physical contact at all would be weird to me. And at the end of the date, you want the type of contact to say something about how you feel about any potential compatibility. These are usually the two most harrowing parts of a first date, so try to get them right!
this post was helpful for me - thank you!
got back from a first date earlier tonight. opened with a handshake and closed with a hug. hopefully the guy thinks as you do and this means it went well!
(i keep fighting the urge to send him an email to say i had a good time... not clingy or desperate but want to take some of the pressure off of him and make it clear that i'm open to a second date.)

to address the original post, i think some women would not be comfortable with an arm around them on a first date. as with much stuff in the world of dating it is possibly better to err on the side of caution.
- May 24th, 2009, 05:43 pm
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When_I_See_You_Smile When_I_See_You_Smile is offline
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rei818 wrote :
this post was helpful for me - thank you!
got back from a first date earlier tonight. opened with a handshake and closed with a hug. hopefully the guy thinks as you do and this means it went well!
(i keep fighting the urge to send him an email to say i had a good time... not clingy or desperate but want to take some of the pressure off of him and make it clear that i'm open to a second date.)

to address the original post, i think some women would not be comfortable with an arm around them on a first date. as with much stuff in the world of dating it is possibly better to err on the side of caution.
Go for it! If you don't hear from him by tomorrow evening, send him a quick email to let him know that you had a good time. He will appreciate knowing where you stand.

Best of luck!
- May 25th, 2009, 12:47 am
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