How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date?


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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #81  September 22,2009, 4:39am
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[quote=Bootsky;747304]


At the end of the date, I do like at least a hug. I do like a kiss if I feel the date is going well. It gives a sign that the man is as interested as I was.

A man can express verbally that he is interested in you and should after each date.

I prefer to build intimacy verbally and preserve the physical for the future when we have commited to eachother. This does two things it keeps the relationship real and does not allow false intimacy to get in the way.

It can be aqward at the end of the date to not express physical touch but it helps me to really know if we have another date together it is due to us appreciating the inner qualities of oneanother.

If dating goes well with her and it leads to marriage then we will have the rest of our lives to express and experience our physical expression of love. I am not a believer of having to try it out thing. I believe we would truly love oneanother and want to please eachother sacrificially giving 100 percent of our selves to our relationship.

As a man I take the responsibility to communicate to her my desire for another date with her and let her respond to my desire. You have to be secure and confident men to really be able to do this.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #82  September 22,2009, 3:21pm
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FaithNGod wrote :
A man can express verbally that he is interested in you and should after each date.

I prefer to build intimacy verbally and preserve the physical for the future when we have commited to each other. This does two things it keeps the relationship real and does not allow false intimacy to get in the way.

It can be aqward at the end of the date to not express physical touch but it helps me to really know if we have another date together it is due to us appreciating the inner qualities of one another.

If dating goes well with her and it leads to marriage then we will have the rest of our lives to express and experience our physical expression of love. I am not a believer of having to try it out thing. I believe we would truly love one another and want to please each other sacrificially giving 100 percent of our selves to our relationship.

As a man I take the responsibility to communicate to her my desire for another date with her and let her respond to my desire. You have to be secure and confident men to really be able to do this.
I just do not think that because you hug someone that it means you are not appreciating the inner qualities of each other. It is just a gesture to let the other person know you had a good time. If that is expressed in words, that is fine too. Like I said before, if someone prefers not to handshake or hug or kiss at the end of a date, that is fine. I would just hope if they liked me and wanted to continue seeing me that they would let that be clear and ask me out again! That's all. We all have our own preferences!
 
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LCDR_2010 is offline LCDR_2010 Post #83  September 23,2009, 9:23am
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OK, so after reading most of the posts on this topic, it seems like a lot of people here aren't really comfortable with dating in general. RELAX...it's really not that big of a deal. Anyone who went with no physical contact is kind of wimpy, but I can understand that if you are nervous...but why be nervous? To avoid any akwardness later on during or at the end of the date, you should really give a hug as soon as you meet...if you are still nervous, a way to make a hug more comfortable is to just do a one arm hug--perfect innocent and warm greeting. I mean if you can hug your creepy aunt you see once a year at Christmas, you can certainly greet a date you've emailed and talked to a few times with a hug, right? Anyone who doesn't accept a hug for a greeting...well that's a red flag I think...on to a new person to date. And a handshake before or after? That's just plain weird and borderline psycho. Our society pretty much has an unwriteen rule that says the only time people of opposite sex ever shake hands is in a strictly professional/business situation.

OK, so now for the arm around/holding hands/kiss issue. I think we need to separate a "date" from a "meeting." If you agree to have coffee or a light lunch and you only invest an hour or 2...that's not a date. Classify it as a meeting, which is perfectly fine, but it would be kind of weird to try to get touchy feely during the coffee/lunch or go for a kiss at the end. Now a meeting can go really well and turn into a date that involves some kind of activity too...so if you both agree to do something else after your coffee...pretty good signal that an arm around during a follow up movie or holding hands if you go ice skating or something will be acceptable.

If your first contact is a "date" which I think means some kind of activity plus a meal...and is probably more like in the 4 hour time range vs a 1 hour meeting...then if conversation is going well the whole time, and there are not a lot of akward pauses (plus you greeted with a hug), you are basically obligated to attempt the quick kiss on the lips at the end...that's still pretty ridiculously harmless and innocent. What's the biggest indicator for a successful attempted kiss? Laughter: if you are both smiling and laughing frequently during the date, sack up and go for it. Subtle signs, twirling hair, etc. are all good, but if you are genuinely enjoying each other's company, I think that's pretty clear. If there is hand holding, touching, etc. during the date...maybe a more serious kiss is called for.
 
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smileatjen is offline smileatjen Post #84  September 23,2009, 9:27am
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I tend not to read too much in a first date anyways. Its really your first opportunity to get to know the person, but you don't at that point. I've gotten hugs and never got a second date before. I take it as a gesture of kindness nothing more at that point.
 
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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #85  September 23,2009, 4:16pm
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Yes, I agree that a initial hug is pretty innocent in and of its self. What happens as the relationship progresses is that the hug that was innocent in the beginning now you two begin to linger together in the hug. It could only be a slow progression of a second or two longer each time the hug occurs. It could end up with both genitles touching or in a passionate kiss. The thing is setting proper boundries to not let the progression happen in the first place. Not to go to the place where the fire of passion will develop in the first place.
 
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Tinderbox is offline Tinderbox Post #86  September 23,2009, 4:56pm
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A warm handclasp / partial hug combo sounds about right for a first meet.

A straight handshake alone is too businesslike, and you don't want to mess up her outfit/hair/personal space with a full hug before she's had a chance to size you up.

And don't spend the whole date worrying about what to do during or at the end of it. Go with the flow. If you want a good handhold, hug or even a kiss, then make your move if the chemistry is there. If not then just repeat the warm handclasp / partial hug combo and that's it. But there's no need to rush to physical affection on a first date, especially if a second date is likely. That's why a first date should be very brief and casual (lunch or coffee), removing much of the pressure and uncertainty.
 
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Tinderbox is offline Tinderbox Post #87  September 23,2009, 5:00pm
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FaithNGod wrote :
Yes, I agree that a initial hug is pretty innocent in and of its self. What happens as the relationship progresses is that the hug that was innocent in the beginning now you two begin to linger together in the hug. It could only be a slow progression of a second or two longer each time the hug occurs. It could end up with both genitles touching or in a passionate kiss. The thing is setting proper boundries to not let the progression happen in the first place. Not to go to the place where the fire of passion will develop in the first place.
I nominate this for Freudian Slip of the Year!
(I presume you meant "gentle touching"?)
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #88  September 23,2009, 9:08pm
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Tinderbox wrote :
I nominate this for Freudian Slip of the Year!
(I presume you meant "gentle touching"?)
No, actually she meant genitals touching.
 
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Frishy is offline Frishy Post #89  September 23,2009, 9:22pm
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The correct answer to the question: (as if correct can apply in this case): "Non muneris damnandi tui!"***

I mean, c'mon, if a first encounter ends up with you cooking breakfast at their place...for a week...(it's happened, I've been reassured)

Or, a simple wave is as close as you get...(I have experienced this for sure)

***None of Your Damn Business!

Just sayin' it's different with different people. (They tell me)
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #90  September 24,2009, 12:30am

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landstar59 wrote :
No, actually she meant genitals touching.
i read "gentiles touching"
 
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