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simplemind simplemind is offline
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It is really personal preferences--some of us are snuggly and physical, some more reserved. And Gr8gyn's advice about the "Do you consider yourself physically affectionate" is a great screening tool

But in the absence of that, a few things might be safe from a female perspective:
  • If she's old school like me, a hand shake at the greet, at the very least. Handshakes don't have to be cold or businesslike--mixed with a big smile and a loose arm, and perhaps the other hand coming up to cover the handshake...is more personal.
  • If that didn't feel right to initiate, a very soft hand at the middle to low back (just below the ribs, and definitely in the center) as you turn toward your dinner table or car or walk her out her door. Feeling how she responds to that might tell you alot about what might be okay later on (hand hold, etc...let's not get too racy!)
  • Letting her initiate works well if she's fairly straightforward, but if she's shy too you may need to initiate a touch to the upper arm at the table, etc. If she does it first, you're being given permission to respond in kind.
  • Sometimes, just plain old physical proximity tells you a lot. If, after some time talking, you lean in; or walk with her and walk a bit closer, you may find she's leaning to you, too. Do NOT miss this chance to take her hand, k?
  • If all else fails, and you're walking somewhere, you might find an exaggerated move, like a big smile with a little bow and putting your arm with elbow bent to offer her the chance to take your arm gives her permission to touch you.
If none of these work, and you're the touchy person you indicate you are...I got this feeling she's not.

g'luck!
Last edited by simplemind; June 19th, 2009 at 03:58 pm.
- June 19th, 2009, 03:55 pm
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Ylog Ylog is offline
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My date routine.

1) when I meet her I give her a half hug i.e I will hug her where my right hip should touch her belly button except that its a ass-out hug.
2) gauge how the conversation is going. If its going good I will give her a slow hi-fi on a high note and then interlace my hands with her to test her responsiveness.
3) if she feels the same way she will interlace her fingers and thats my confirmation.
4)Once its confirmed then I put out my hand and walk with her promenade style to the dance floor.

At this point both of you know that you're into each other.
- June 20th, 2009, 01:14 am
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Czidvar Czidvar is offline
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I never knew either. So what I started doing was sticking my hand out for a handshake and then say something about it in a goofy sort of way. Like "So what do we do here? Handshake? Hug? Tip each other?" I think it lightens the tension, and if she giggles it just seems to me it would be easier for her to say whatever she thinks is appropriate, whether it is the handshake, or the hug, or whatever. But that's my shtick.

For the record sometimes I say something totally unfunny because I just come up with it on the spot. Then I just laugh at myself.
- June 20th, 2009, 11:11 am
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Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
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Ylog wrote :
My date routine.

I give her a half hug .... except that its a ass-out hug.
.

I am trying to visualize an "ass-out hug." Still not coming to me. Even with the description, nope, not coming to me.
- June 27th, 2009, 06:54 pm
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Luv2RideHorses Luv2RideHorses is offline
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Being from the south, we hug when we meet and hug when we leave. A kiss, in my humble opinion, should be saved for the second or third date (if there is one).
- July 3rd, 2009, 01:30 am
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siren siren is offline
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Well, if you really want physical contact go ballroom or country swing dancing I don't think a kiss of a person you may not want to see again is appropriate or good comunicaton....This may be old fashioned, but I believe physical contact should be reserved for people that you have a serious interest in. That doesn't mean a quick good bye or hello hug isn't appropriate in certain areas. CA are great huggers, but there may be some communities that are a bit more conservative, so that would be a factor. I don't think a girl is going to get scared in public if you put your arm around her, every woman from dating in high school knows how to disengage from unwanted physical contact. But it is respectful to your date to maybe ask her, do you mind if I put my arm around your shoulder? Use your words....Siren
- July 3rd, 2009, 02:43 am
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lookin4lovexo lookin4lovexo is offline
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The problem with "asking to put your arm around someone" is that it puts them at an uncomfortable spot. I mean what am I supposed to say..no? I would feel funny saying that even if I felt it. Then for the rest of the date, I would assume there would be an awkward tension.
Personally, the less physical contact, the better. I am a reserved kind of girl.
- July 3rd, 2009, 09:15 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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lookin4lovexo wrote :
The problem with "asking to put your arm around someone" is that it puts them at an uncomfortable spot. I mean what am I supposed to say..no? I would feel funny saying that even if I felt it. Then for the rest of the date, I would assume there would be an awkward tension.
Personally, the less physical contact, the better. I am a reserved kind of girl.
I am a reserved kind of guy but I love to hug. So when you meet on the first date and then end the first date do you shake his hand??? Or do you keep your hands in your pockets?

No hug at the end of the date = no second date (at least from me). And I will ask for one. Had a date with an eHarmony match recently who did not want me to walk her to her car and then shook my hand. Did we just have a business meeting??? Obvious to me that we are not on the same page here.
- July 3rd, 2009, 09:34 am
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Axmac Axmac is offline
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I'm a "touch me please" and i welcome any kind of touch....For me, I need to be touched (nonsexually and sexually) obviously the sexual comes later, but i need to be touched, its my love language.
- July 3rd, 2009, 09:57 am
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Rob_UK Rob_UK is offline
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to shake things up why not try a high five and secret handshake
- July 3rd, 2009, 05:29 pm
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