How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date?

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Avalon1k Post #151 February 19,2010, 9:36pm

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WintersEnd wrote :

So, do I understand you correctly that you may respect or think more of the girl that is reluctant? Is that preferred to you?
I've never intiated a first kiss but it would be nice to know that a guy would not think less of me if I did.

I have had women initiate first kisses many times (possibly because I am so conservative). In any case I don;t think they would think less of you.

mrflyer Post #152 February 19,2010, 10:09pm

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To answer the question in the title, the correct answer is any amount that both people are comfortable with.

There's no "right" amount- some people would think nothing of sex on the first date while others would be upset if you tried to hug them.

The only safe bet is erring on the side of caution unless your date makes the first move or sends strong signals.

The people saying "none" would no doubt have a different answer if they were really into the person they were with.

tinaroonie Post #153 November 20,2010, 7:59pm

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I have had most first dates with no initial contact, more than just the guy getting up from the table to say hi if he was there first. I have also had a first date that I now in hindsight see as having gone too far. My last ex was really physical on the first date, hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. I took that to show that he liked me, I don't mind physical contact, but again in hindsight, every time we saw each other had to be a makeout session (though we never actually had sex), and when that stopped, so did us dating. Not a good relationship.

I was however on another 1st date just today, as a matter of fact; we had been in contact on eharmony for about 10 days or so. Half of that time was getting to open communication, and half was e-mailing back and forth still on eharmony. I was first to arrive at the restaurant, and I already got us a table, and sat facing the door, so I could spot my date when he came in. When he did, I stood up and waved. That was our main form of introduction. I could tell he was quite shy, not much eye contact, looking at his food most of the time, but it got better as the date progressed. We enjoyed each other's company enough to hang out an extra hour browsing a nearby store, and just walking and talking in there. We had a great connection, though not physical, and I could sense he liked me. By the end he felt comfortable enough to give me a hug, and say he wanted to see me again. For this guy I felt that was a lot. And I truly appreciated it. Maybe on the next date I'll initiate hand holding or something, but I think we have to work our way to a kiss.

Am I adverse to a goodbye kiss on the first date? Not if it's a peck on the cheek, but more than that, no. I learned my lesson with my ex.

harmonicsexplorer Post #154 April 11,2011, 8:01pm

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Don't put the arm around unless the vibe is truly mutually there in the moment. Don't rush it. If it would seem the least bit awkward, don't do it. It's a matter of relating-dynamics-intelligence that you have to get/develop.

It can typically be more desired by the woman to have a makeout session or even more, than an 'arm around' during casual times, unless she is doing her part at the given moment in making the arm around happen.

Bakerella_26 Post #155 October 14,2011, 1:58pm

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JustSomeGuy12 wrote :

I've met 4 people on EH so far, and I've struggled with this every time. Both for when you first see eachother, and also throughout the date. If demographics matter for the answer, I'm 23 looking for people my age, and living in the suburbs outside Chicago.

For first meeting, I would never assume that a handshake is appropriate, that just seems weird. A kiss seems like too much too, so the other options I can think of are hug, or no contact. I've been 2 and 2 so far, and I questioned myself every time.

During the date, I have the same problem. I'm a big snuggler and there's nothing better than physical contact for me, both sexual and nonsexual (for the first date, I'm referring to the nonsexual). On one date after we'd talked for a few hours on the phone, we felt comfortable going to a movie right away. I went to put my arm around her, and I'm not good enough at reading reactions to know what she thought of it. She didn't fight against it, but she didn't really lean into me at all either. On another date, we got on the farris wheel and I put my arm around her too, she did lean in a little, but that was more because the only thing to hold onto was in the middle of the 4 person car (we were facing her friends) and she was terrified of heights. She didn't move in our out at all when I put my arm around her.

What do girls think about this on a first date?

Heh heh. This one is always a bit tricky. It really depends on the two people involved. Personally, I'm an affectionate person...but I'm not going to be all over the guy on the first date, obviously

If I'm feelin' the chemistry and want to be subtle, I'll do little things to hint at what I want or what I'm comfortable with. And 99% of the time, he picks up on it and next thing I know, we're holding hands, or he kisses me.

I know everyone has different beliefs and views on this - personally, I don't go beyond kissing on a first date. Sometimes I don't even kiss on the first date- again, it just depends on how I'm feeling with him, if I'm feeling some chemistry, etc. If a guy moves to put his arm around me, and I like that, I'll lean in a little. That shows him that "I'm moving closer to you because I like you having your arms around me." If the girl didn't lean in, that doesn't necessarily mean its a "bad thing." If she didn't want your arm around her, she probably would have moved it back politely or something.

EccentricAmbiguity Post #156 October 14,2011, 3:13pm

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Best first date ever for me was intense with chemistry-- we were honked at while making out against a closed store on a busy college town street. We made out in my car for close to 20 minutes, I somehow broke both my sandals on my break pedal. hahah, it was HOT! But he also broke my heart only a couple weeks later. So...not necessarily an indicator of stability or assurance things will work. (In fact if I had made things go slower it may have been easier for us to figure out whether we were a good fit without feeling emotionally bound by sex.) But, I have found that whatever we are both comfortable with is different from date to date!

Ingytravel Post #157 October 14,2011, 5:01pm

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***FYI*** This thread started back in 2009...

So the OP has been long gone...Most of the time in a post about a specific event by the OP and they are gone, we encourage people who want to discuss this topic to make their own new thread to get many more responses

You can always check the dates in the upper right hand corner of a post..

D_Lion Post #158 October 14,2011, 5:35pm

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