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Questioninggirl Questioninggirl is offline
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heaven33523 wrote :
The physical contact is your decision and don't just try to please him because you are afraid he won't like you.
This is just my opinion but due to this incident I am scare and don't trust men. I am trying to put this behind me with counseling. Please listen to what your inner self is saying, it could cost you your life and possible happiness if you don't., this goes for men and women.
Heaven, thank you for sharing! I am so sorry to hear about your experience. As you already know, it was not your fault!! May God bring you through the emotions you are dealing with regarding this situation! Please write me if you ever need someone to talk to about this.
- October 6th, 2009, 03:04 am
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Questioninggirl Questioninggirl is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Umm...maybe for some men, but certainly not for me. I've had a woman go right up to the very instand before we'd actually be having sex....and say 'no'. Even at that point there is no way I'd 'go ahead' without her consent. I certainly wouldn't advocate women going that far if they don't want to actually engage in sex... but it isn't the case that all men become out of control maniacs as soon as they get a little physical contact from a woman. If anything, I'd think it's more likely to be the men who are repressing their sexuality who are likely to lose control once they get a little bit arounsed.
I don't believe he was talking about losing control, personally...just about the effect it has on a man.
- October 6th, 2009, 03:08 am
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JustSomeGuy12 wrote :
I've met 4 people on EH so far, and I've struggled with this every time. Both for when you first see eachother, and also throughout the date. If demographics matter for the answer, I'm 23 looking for people my age, and living in the suburbs outside Chicago.

For first meeting, I would never assume that a handshake is appropriate, that just seems weird. A kiss seems like too much too, so the other options I can think of are hug, or no contact. I've been 2 and 2 so far, and I questioned myself every time.

During the date, I have the same problem. I'm a big snuggler and there's nothing better than physical contact for me, both sexual and nonsexual (for the first date, I'm referring to the nonsexual). On one date after we'd talked for a few hours on the phone, we felt comfortable going to a movie right away. I went to put my arm around her, and I'm not good enough at reading reactions to know what she thought of it. She didn't fight against it, but she didn't really lean into me at all either. On another date, we got on the farris wheel and I put my arm around her too, she did lean in a little, but that was more because the only thing to hold onto was in the middle of the 4 person car (we were facing her friends) and she was terrified of heights. She didn't move in our out at all when I put my arm around her.

What do girls think about this on a first date?

I'm a guy and I error on the side of caution. It's more of an instinct thing, reading her o know when it's appropriate. And don't force it.
- October 6th, 2009, 05:31 am
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Questioninggirl wrote :
I don't believe he was talking about losing control, personally...just about the effect it has on a man.
Thankyou QG for clarifying that for me. That is exactly what I was referring to. As men we need to keep composure externally but I am referring to what goes on internally and how women really affect us as men.
- October 6th, 2009, 06:03 am
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jayjay wrote :
Umm...maybe for some men, but certainly not for me. I've had a woman go right up to the very instand before we'd actually be having sex....and say 'no'. Even at that point there is no way I'd 'go ahead' without her consent. I certainly wouldn't advocate women going that far if they don't want to actually engage in sex... but it isn't the case that all men become out of control maniacs as soon as they get a little physical contact from a woman. If anything, I'd think it's more likely to be the men who are repressing their sexuality who are likely to lose control once they get a little bit arounsed.
If you want to take something like the physical expression between a man an a woman who are intamite with eachother in the emotional, spiritual and physical sense. A precious gift that has tremendous value and make it common in your life that is your choice. I appreciate the anticipation of meeting my future bride and spending the rest of our lives exploring eachothers bodies and pleasures. Having been there and done that I am looking for a greater prize and a deeper connection then just the physical.
- October 6th, 2009, 06:14 am
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FaithNGod wrote :
If you want to take something like the physical expression between a man an a woman who are intamite with eachother in the emotional, spiritual and physical sense. A precious gift that has tremendous value and make it common in your life that is your choice. I appreciate the anticipation of meeting my future bride and spending the rest of our lives exploring eachothers bodies and pleasures. Having been there and done that I am looking for a greater prize and a deeper connection then just the physical.
Are you relating that to my response to your post regarding how men respond to a hug?
- October 6th, 2009, 09:33 am
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The smart thing to do is ask. "Do you mind if I put my arm around you?" With a smile of course.
- October 7th, 2009, 04:13 pm
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I have been on 18 dates..... greeted the first ten with a hug.... some of which were a bit awkward.... then # 10 ducked and turned as I approached with the embrace... from there on out I realized that many are uncomfortable with body contact, so shake hands first... hug at the end of the date. Never kiss on the first date. Some people warm up slower, so try again on a second or third date... if the hug doesn't feel right, it might feel perfect to someone else
- October 9th, 2009, 12:20 am
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