How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date?


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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #131  September 28,2009, 7:47pm
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jayjay wrote :
I didn't pick up any 'holier than thou' attitude from your post. My only caution is it sounded like you're building up an image of the 'kiss' and 'physical contact' to be a big fantasy. Of course physical intimacy is great....but if you spend years building up expectations of how great it's going to be one day....you may very well be disappointed. Things just are what they are....rather than the fantasies we build them up to be.
I dont know if you are a christian or not but I am. Its not about fantasy but about a life testimony. The kiss is just that a kiss it could be great or just OK. But as far as what my future wife and I could share together knowing we had invested all of our energies getting to know the inner person without physical distraction, that is what I am talking about. I have a teen daughter that I also teach proper boundries concerning the opposite sex.
 
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WintersEnd is offline WintersEnd Post #132  September 29,2009, 12:21am
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jayjay wrote :
Kissing on the first date certainly doesn't make me think a woman is easy or that the relationship is only about sex. Though I'd say the opposite is also true. If a woman is very reluctant to do anything physical early on (i.e. kiss or even hold hands) then I'll think she's the opposite of easy. Though....in the past I've found that once a woman like this gets past this initial reluctance....look out! I've never had a woman initiate a first kiss though.
So, do I understand you correctly that you may respect or think more of the girl that is reluctant? Is that preferred to you?
I've never intiated a first kiss but it would be nice to know that a guy would not think less of me if I did.
 
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bholabhala is offline bholabhala Post #133  September 29,2009, 9:08am
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Only just shake hand or hold her hand for a couiple of miniutes for just to give the warmth of your feeling about her.
 
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patann1941 is offline patann1941 Post #134  September 29,2009, 9:59am
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I think a handshake is appropriate to begin with. Depending on how the date/conversation goes, parting can be either a hug or a handshake.
 
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EDWARDOS1 is offline EDWARDOS1 Post #135  September 29,2009, 3:53pm
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If I think the date is going ok I like to hold her hand and then at the end of the date I'll go for the kiss but only if the chemistry is there.
 
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heaven33523 is offline heaven33523 Post #136  October 5,2009, 8:19am
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I feel the first date should be involving talking and getting to know each other and if sexual conversation comes up and you feel comfortable talking about it, talk, but set limitations of how you feel and you be straight up with your date how and when you think you are ready. The physical contact is your decision and don't just try to please him because you are afraid he won't like you. Stand your ground, I didn't because I wanted him to like me and after two dates and fighting him off and saying no, stop, I am not ready, he heard nothing and I got raped. Dont do anything that makes you uncomfortable, dont go to his or your home on the first date or maybe the second date. In physical contact a hug when you meet him or when leaving the first or second date if you feel comfortable, feel your guilt and listen to your feelings because 9 out of 10 times you are correct, don't second doubt your innerself, hugging or kissing when leaving is your discretion. This is just my opinion but due to this incident I am scare and don't trust men. I am trying to put this behind me with counseling. Please listen to what your inner self is saying, it could cost you your life and possible happiness if you don't., this goes for men and women.
 
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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #137  October 5,2009, 3:20pm
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I want to clue you in on a truth about men, ladies. I know to you a hug might be very innocent. But to men the smell of your perfume and the feel of your soft body next to ours when giving and recieving a hug in not innocent. I creates a fire in us that as men we want to quench. You have now made your self the object of our desire. Not many men will own up to this but it is true. Ladies you know the truth now. You can do with this information whatever you want. But you are forwarned. The engine of men when concerning sex revs up very quickly. Not many men have the integrity to honor you as a woman and set proper boundries that will protect you from themselves. yes guysI know you are not going to be happy with me in sharing this truth about us but if you are a genlteman then you need not worry.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #138  October 5,2009, 3:28pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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FaithNGod wrote :
I want to clue you in on a truth about men, ladies. I know to you a hug might be very innocent. But to men the smell of your perfume and the feel of your soft body next to ours when giving and recieving a hug in not innocent. I creates a fire in us that as men we want to quench. You have now made your self the object of our desire. Not many men will own up to this but it is true. Ladies you know the truth now. You can do with this information whatever you want. But you are forwarned. The engine of men when concerning sex revs up very quickly.
Umm...maybe for some men, but certainly not for me. I've had a woman go right up to the very instand before we'd actually be having sex....and say 'no'. Even at that point there is no way I'd 'go ahead' without her consent. I certainly wouldn't advocate women going that far if they don't want to actually engage in sex... but it isn't the case that all men become out of control maniacs as soon as they get a little physical contact from a woman. If anything, I'd think it's more likely to be the men who are repressing their sexuality who are likely to lose control once they get a little bit arounsed.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #139  October 5,2009, 4:00pm
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FaithNGod wrote :
I want to clue you in on a truth about men, ladies. I know to you a hug might be very innocent. But to men the smell of your perfume and the feel of your soft body next to ours when giving and recieving a hug in not innocent. I creates a fire in us that as men we want to quench. You have now made your self the object of our desire. Not many men will own up to this but it is true. Ladies you know the truth now. You can do with this information whatever you want. But you are forwarned. The engine of men when concerning sex revs up very quickly. Not many men have the integrity to honor you as a woman and set proper boundries that will protect you from themselves. yes guysI know you are not going to be happy with me in sharing this truth about us but if you are a genlteman then you need not worry.
it's not a woman's responsiblity or fault if a man can't control himself after recieving a hug. and believe it or not, some women might want to rev up a man's engine. shocking, i know.

you are really doing a disservice to men- not all of them are out of control animals, you know.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #140  October 5,2009, 8:17pm
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jayjay wrote :
Umm...maybe for some men, but certainly not for me. I've had a woman go right up to the very instand before we'd actually be having sex....and say 'no'. Even at that point there is no way I'd 'go ahead' without her consent. I certainly wouldn't advocate women going that far if they don't want to actually engage in sex... but it isn't the case that all men become out of control maniacs as soon as they get a little physical contact from a woman. If anything, I'd think it's more likely to be the men who are repressing their sexuality who are likely to lose control once they get a little bit arounsed.
Jayjay, I think you are more in the norm here.

Beyond the early teen years, most guys are fully able to control themselves. It may not be easy or what they want to do, but they can. If they cannot be in control of their own bodies, they most likely have other issues that need to be discussed with a professional and possibly their parole officer.

If something as benign and socially acceptable as a hug is going to get a man I'm dating so jacked up that he is out of control and cannot stop until he gets his way with me, my knee is eventually going to contact his nether regions and my phone will contact the police.

I'm not saying women should be teases. That's truly unfair and manipulative. But hugs? Seriously!
 
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