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melman melman is offline
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yourbrokenoven wrote :
I have trouble with this one. I hear over and over that hugs and even kisses are okay and even expected on a first date, but I've never been completely comfortable with this. Over the years I've gotten over my fear of hugging someone who isn't family, or really close, but it still takes me a long time to get to the point where I'm comfortable holding someone's hand or kissing. Once I'm past the point where I'm certain that my physical contact is welcome and wanted, I have no problem with it. Just the initial. I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head keeping me from making a move for a long time. Thoughts about whether I misread her body language and the ensuing confusion, because I'm generally a nice guy and I'd hate to send the wrong message. At the same time I'm probably sending a message that I'm not interested when I actually am!

I'm working on getting past this, but it's taking some time.
I don't think it's anything to "get past". It's what you prefer. I'm the same way, and I make no apologies for it, and don't let thoughts swirl around in my head.
- September 25th, 2009, 06:50 pm
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flat_mtn flat_mtn is offline
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I say its always better for a guy to play it safe. The worst that could happen is that she might think you respect her You could always kiss/hug her next time, but you can't take it back if you move too fast.
- September 25th, 2009, 09:42 pm
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MarciaC MarciaC is offline
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Too much physical stuff on a first date seems impersonal. Why hurry and rush?
- September 25th, 2009, 11:25 pm
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If you are meeting someone for a social the hand shake and a peck on the cheek combines a formality as well as a familiarity which might balance out. I agree a pure hand shake is just too unfriendly.

As for putting your arms around the girl. I don't agree. Certainly not on the first date. I am a conservative but liberal Asian girl. I am very sociable but the act is just saying the male is moving too fast for the first date. I can handle the exchange of punches on a friendly boy girl stuff but that would be as much snuggling I would allow for the first few dates.

I think if we all stop thinking about female male relationship and just see each other as another human being to understand then the intimidation of what is expected of the role is diminished or eliminated. Stop seeing each other as potential boyfriends and girlfriends because at the end of the day there is more to life then this type of relationships and it is much more refreshing.

Just have fun and appreciate another human being.
- September 27th, 2009, 12:56 am
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If you live in a culture where a peck on the check is a common greeting I could see that as appropriate, but that seems way too much in someone's space for the beginning of a first date in the US.
- September 27th, 2009, 02:00 am
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Hello everyone I met a guy for coffee and afterwards we walked and sat on a park bench. I put my bag next to me and he was right next to my bag. I felt that he was in my space a bit and if my bag had not been between us then maybe he would have been sitting on my knee (not really). I didn't say anything as I was quite nervous meeting him. For different reason we never met again.

On another meeting on a second date the guy put his arm around me in a market, which was in my home town. I asked him not to do that in public as I may bump into someone who I knew and didn't want to explain anything. I didn't know if we were girl friend and boyfriend yet, too early days. He felt a bit offended by my request and I "lost"him a few times when he wandered off in the market. In hindsight that was childish behaviour on his part. He was not respecting my space. It turned out that he was also seeing someone else. What a shame I didn't pick up some of the early warning signs.
My lesson is that the only person I can really trust is myself.
Good luck and Regards Nicola
- September 27th, 2009, 02:54 am
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FaithNGod FaithNGod is online now
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I am interested in knowing how many of you women out their think about your kiss on your wedding day? How many of you wish that to be your first contact you had prior to your wedding day? How many of you think about the anticipation leading up to your first physical touch in the form of a kiss and wounder how that would be?

I know that their has to be many of you because I am a man and I think about such things and desire them for my self. So what would keep you from achieving such a goal? Would it be fear or rejection?

I have married friends who had no physical contact with his future wife to be and they have a wounderful fulfilling relationship. He is a mans, man just like me. What a testimony of love and devotion to eachother. Do you think they have any question of eachother's faithfulness?

I dont know about you ladies but I dream of the day I could plant one tender and honest kiss on the lips of my new bride in the witness of our loved ones and God in heaven.
- September 27th, 2009, 04:13 pm
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FaithNGod wrote :
I am interested in knowing how many of you women out their think about your kiss on your wedding day? How many of you wish that to be your first contact you had prior to your wedding day? How many of you think about the anticipation leading up to your first physical touch in the form of a kiss and wounder how that would be?

I know that their has to be many of you because I am a man and I think about such things and desire them for my self. So what would keep you from achieving such a goal? Would it be fear or rejection?

I have married friends who had no physical contact with his future wife to be and they have a wounderful fulfilling relationship. He is a mans, man just like me. What a testimony of love and devotion to eachother. Do you think they have any question of eachother's faithfulness?

I dont know about you ladies but I dream of the day I could plant one tender and honest kiss on the lips of my new bride in the witness of our loved ones and God in heaven.

Wow how refreshing! A lot of people have no idea how far our society has slid compared to the way it used to be. We have become so desensitized to what used to be considered abnormal behavior. How has it worked out? ...look around and you tell me.
- September 27th, 2009, 04:25 pm
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While I know people that didn't kiss before marriage, and think there are some benefits to that approach (and some disadvantages as well), the "holier-than-thou" attitude with which you have presented it is a huge turnoff. Perhaps we should avoid even looking at the other people before we are married, wouldn't that be even holier? By all means pursue a relationship without physical contact if it's what your called to, but find somewhere else to place your Pharisaical burdens please.
Last edited by cardguy; September 27th, 2009 at 05:05 pm.
- September 27th, 2009, 05:02 pm
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melman melman is offline
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OK, so how should this belief be expressed so that you won't disrespect it by calling it holier-than-thou or pharisaical?

It's a valid belief, held by many. Even if it's almost impossible to discuss in public because hostile reactions such as yours are almost always immediate.
Last edited by melman; September 27th, 2009 at 05:56 pm.
- September 27th, 2009, 05:15 pm
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