Making the First Move


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American_Girl is offline American_Girl Post #1  May 23,2009, 12:52am
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I, seriously, do not want to make a first move. It just makes me feel very awkward.

I say in my profile, to please make the first move.

No one has communicated with me at all.

What's your opinion on this?

TIA

~AG
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #2  May 23,2009, 3:26am
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Hi American Girl,

I think that saying "Please make the first move" sounds a bit too desperate. I am not sure if this is the way you phrase it (I assumed so), maybe conveing that in a way of "I am shy and feel awkard making the first move" is better.

Also, remember you are in the safe environment behind a screen, not a bar. You can make a first move and it won't bring you the same repercusions as live dating (no thrown drinks, slaps, etc, joking!). Yes you will still get closed regardless, but you are also paying for the service. Do you ever pay for service and never request anything?

Don't get me wrong there are a lot of irresponsibe matches in online dating because many put up a profile and just leave it there. Many don't like 'closing' people, so they think is better just to 'hold' on forever.

We sometimes expect too much of the men, they are always putting their nexk on the line to see if we will catch, why not experience their side of the 'game' and see how it feels? It will change your view inmensely, if anything it will open your views a bit about how to be kind to a request even if you don't agree with it.

Good Luck,
Lav
 
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Tyym is offline Tyym Post #3  May 23,2009, 3:51am
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Hi AG...

I completely understand and respect your boundary about making the first move. I however think that stating it as emphatically as you have may be part of the reason you're not receiving any attention. The profiles that caught my eye were those which had a picture with a very nice, warm and inviting smile... they were very well written and made me feel like the person can really live the smile that is on their face.

After that... the rest is out of your hands... As for your making the first move... Lavender has said it very well (and considerately too I might add). Sometimes... taking a risk has a very great reward! Trust me here!

You could post the bulk of the text from your profile here. I'm sure you'd receive a number of thoughtful responses.

Best of luck!
Tim

(PS.... Lav... really... thank you!)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  May 23,2009, 4:09am
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Well...for one take that out of your profile immediately. I hate to sound mean but it screams extreme insecurity and that is not attractive to either gender. If I read that in a profile, I'd roll my eyes and move on to the next one.

Now, that you've done that, lets' talk about getting your money's worth. One thing about on-line dating is that who initiates communication is really irrelevant. In fact people rarely remember that if at all. In other words, it is not seen as making the first move.

The thing is that there is no such thing as online dating. What you are getting is an impersonal intorduction to a large number of people that the computer thinks could possibly be of interest to you. What you do with that is entirely up to you.

You can sit and wait for them to do something or you can push the button that sends initial questions (on EH at least) and see how many people respond and actually start getting to know them.

One really really important thing that you have to realize is that this process is indeed impersonal. Whether someone responds or not is not a direct rejection of you. Meaning that they are not responding because they are not paid members, or they are currently seeing someone else, or other things in life have come up and they've put dating on hold, or currently talking to too many people and can't keep up, or whatever.

On-line it is truly a number's game and you keep pushing that button until you end up in the same position of communicating with a number of matches and getting to meet them and see if you actually want to date each other. Again, the most important thing to understand is that your dating does not start until you've actually met once and mutually decided to see each other again and have actually done so.

Best of luck to you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 23,2009, 6:20am
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American_Girl wrote :
I, seriously, do not want to make a first move. It just makes me feel very awkward.

I say in my profile, to please make the first move.

No one has communicated with me at all.

What's your opinion on this?

TIA

~AG

OK now, as a guy let's see if I can understand this. You feel awkward by making the first move (I presume that we are talking about sending First Questions). But I guess that a guy would not be having the same awkward feelings.

First real guys are not put off by a woman that will initiate communication. It shows a certain confidence and is an indication that the woman is interested. If a guy was put off by you initiating communication it would be an indication of some sort of control problems on his part and this is not really the kind of guy that you want to be with anyway.

Second you are paying your money and should take every advantage of the system. Just because we were matched and I did not contact you right away does not mean that I am not interested. It may be that I have a lot of other matches that I received before you and you are at the end of the line. Guess what happens if you make a move and initiate, you now go the front of the line.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 23,2009, 9:13am
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I communicated with almost all matches unless I closed them, so in my case this inclusion would do nothing to increase the likelihood of me communicating, and may have undermined it.

I would be taken aback … and sort of temped to send an e-mail saying “please wash my dishes.” As an indication of a lifestyle, this isn’t winning you any points.
 
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rtist is offline rtist Post #7  May 23,2009, 10:02am
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hey American Girl,
You can send an icebreaker. I send "just wanted to say hi" icebreaker to matches. I check the "who's viewed me" tab. If the guy views my profile and doesn't respond within some reasonable period of time, I close the match.

So, all you've done is say hi and the guy has "made the 1st move".


btw - I have lots of communication going on with matches
 
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American_Girl is offline American_Girl Post #8  May 23,2009, 12:23pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
OK now, as a guy let's see if I can understand this. You feel awkward by making the first move (I presume that we are talking about sending First Questions). But I guess that a guy would not be having the same awkward feeling.
I totally understand what you're talking about. I considered that when I mentioned it, how awkward it is for guys and it's been put on their shoulders for so long.

I did mention in it a nicer manner. I said, I was so nervous, would you please make the first move?

I didn't want someone to think I didn't want to talk to them just because I wasn't 'asking the first question.'

I appreciate everyone's advice. I'm so new to this. I'm 45 and have never dated.

~AB
 
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American_Girl is offline American_Girl Post #9  May 23,2009, 12:38pm
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LOL. OK, I've made my first move, Ok, so it's not really a move. But I did request some pics of people who looked at me.

And I removed my disclaimer.

K, bring 'em on!

~AG
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #10  May 23,2009, 3:54pm
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American_Girl wrote :
LOL. OK, I've made my first move, Ok, so it's not really a move. But I did request some pics of people who looked at me.

And I removed my disclaimer.

K, bring 'em on!

~AG
Good for you! It's perfectly okay for you to send the first set of questions as well. In fact, most guys appreciate this gesture. It shows them that you're interested, and can make a decision for yourself.

Also, remember that you're paying to use this service, so try to get everything you can out of it.

Have fun, and good luck!
 
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