rman is offline rman Post #1  May 22,2009, 11:19am
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I guess I am looking for a little bit of advice on what to do next here...

A girl initiated communication with me on eHarmony. We spoke on the phone and she went out of her way to ask ME out. She even mentioned that she was afraid that was too forward. We realized that over the next few days we were both too busy, so we decided to talk soon and figure it out later.

So, the next step was the vanishing act. I tried calling her twice since then (over the course of a week and a half) and she never responded at all.

I've had my share of this before, so I straight up texted her and asked her to just tell me what was up. She responded immediately this time, saying that she's been feeling under the weather. So of course I sort of wonder if I jumped the gun and confronted her when there was no reason to. My instincts tell me she was being a disrespectful poofer, but she is still stringing me along by the excuse she gave. I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I wait a week and try one more call?

I'm not sure why I keep getting these kinds of girls. It's the 21st century...I don't ask much, but there is no excuse for silence. And I can take a hint, but when someone goes out of their way to show interest, then they need to tell me when things have changed. I don't appreciate someone wasting my time. The truth is that eHarmony is making me extremely cynical.
 
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dwreese182 is offline dwreese182 Post #2  May 22,2009, 11:29am
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No call back to the phone calls would have been enough for me. If she wants to call you then that is on her, if you have the time whenever she calls then it's your call if you want to go out on a date.
 
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dwreese182 is offline dwreese182 Post #3  May 22,2009, 11:30am
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I said "call" quite a few times in that post. lol
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  May 22,2009, 11:33am
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rman, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.

Based on what you've told us, there is no reason to believe that she is a disrespectful poofer. It is possible, however, that she asked you out when she was available to do so but is now in serious communication with another match (possibly a match in whom she has more interest). If she was poofing, she would never have responded to your text. Either her reasons for not contacting you are valid, or she is weighing other dating options. If the latter is case, do you really need to hear her tell you that?

In hindsight, you could have officially accepted her invitation and then made arrangements for the date later. I say give it a week and then try her again. Good luck.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #5  May 22,2009, 11:55am
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Someone help me out here. Last time I checked, a "poofer" is a gay man. I take it you're not calling this woman a gay man. What does that terminology mean to EH?

Perhaps we need an EH Wiki of Knowledge. That would certainly be interesting reading.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  May 22,2009, 12:01pm
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coffeegeek wrote :
Someone help me out here. Last time I checked, a "poofer" is a gay man. I take it you're not calling this woman a gay man. What does that terminology mean to EH?

Perhaps we need an EH Wiki of Knowledge. That would certainly be interesting reading.
In eHarmonyspeak, a "poofer" is a match who just disappears without telling you. You begin GC with them or get to OC, and then you never hear anything more, yet they haven't closed you out.
 
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dwreese182 is offline dwreese182 Post #7  May 22,2009, 12:06pm
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coffeegeek wrote :
Someone help me out here. Last time I checked, a "poofer" is a gay man. I take it you're not calling this woman a gay man. What does that terminology mean to EH?

Perhaps we need an EH Wiki of Knowledge. That would certainly be interesting reading.
Someone who disappears on you. Doesn't show up for a date, stops calling, doesn't return emails. Basically all communications with said person ends for no apparent reason.
 
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rman is offline rman Post #8  May 22,2009, 12:54pm
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Agreed. "poofer" is a terrible term.

Thanks for the responses, they were extremely helpful. I did feel like I officially accepted her invitation to meet; we just didn't pick a specific day at that time. And yeah, it would be nice for someone to just say they changed their minds or that someone else came along. I guess I'm just frustrated because the last match I spoke to did almost exactly the same thing.

I think I've finally realized that I should expect this behavior. Maybe I'll just give her one more nudge in a week.
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #9  May 22,2009, 1:55pm
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Once you questioned her and she responded, I would normally say wait for her to contact you... but, since she initiated and asked you out first, you might want to give her another shot and contact her in another week.

Sometimes when you don't feel good, you just don't want to be bothered with social obligations.
 
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travelfairy is offline travelfairy Post #10  May 22,2009, 7:37pm
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coffeegeek wrote :
Someone help me out here. Last time I checked, a "poofer" is a gay man. I take it you're not calling this woman a gay man. What does that terminology mean to EH?

Perhaps we need an EH Wiki of Knowledge. That would certainly be interesting reading.
"poofter" is a gay guy. :-)
 
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