is honesty so difficult?


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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #1  May 20,2009, 2:56pm
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So I was back visiting my hometown a few weeks ago and I'll actually be moving back in a week or so, so i've been getting to know a few old friends that I've lost touch with over the years.

Went out with some friends to see some live music and my buddy points out the bartender 'hey, you remember jane?' I vaguely do and she was a friend of a friend that I hung out with a few times7-8 years ago, nothing major and im certainly not looking for anything.

I go up to the bar and she recognizes me instantly, throws her arms around me and we make about 3 minutes of small talk. She asks when I'll be in town next and I tell her I dont know, but i'll call her when i do?

Get this, so she says 'give me your number' which means she wont call...thats fine, and she doesn't but my buddy, 3 weeks later asks, 'so whatever happened with Jane?'

I told him and he said 'well, she does have a boyfriend'

But wants a phone number anyways..."just in case" I presume. Why do people do this? Is "I have a boyfriend and he probably doesn't want dudes calling me" such a bad thing to say?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 20,2009, 2:58pm
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Honesty … success … keeping to your diet …

Easy for some, not for others.
 
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Courtney_Alaine is offline Courtney_Alaine Post #3  May 20,2009, 3:01pm
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Did she seem like she was flirting with you? or that you were flirting with her? When catching up with someone I haven't seen in years, telling them I'm in a relationship in the first 5 minutes is not something that I would even think to do. Now if there was flirting going on, then I would mention it. If I thought it was just a 5 minutes conversation and I would never see the old acquaintance again, I wouldn't even bother because it would seem necessary to mention it.

You can always find out the situation when you return back home. I wouldn't take it too personally though.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  May 20,2009, 3:03pm
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Maybe she just wanted to call and talk to you in a platonic way. Of course, I totally agree that it was possible she was looking for something more, just trying to exhaust the other options here...

I've come to realize that sometimes, someone's relationship status just doesn't mean much to them. They see being in a relationship as a status, but to them it doesn't say much about commitment, trust, etc.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #5  May 20,2009, 3:10pm
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Courtney_Alaine wrote :
Did she seem like she was flirting with you? or that you were flirting with her? When catching up with someone I haven't seen in years, telling them I'm in a relationship in the first 5 minutes is not something that I would even think to do. Now if there was flirting going on, then I would mention it. If I thought it was just a 5 minutes conversation and I would never see the old acquaintance again, I wouldn't even bother because it would seem necessary to mention it.

You can always find out the situation when you return back home. I wouldn't take it too personally though.
Oh, im not bent out of shape because I gave my number and she said she would call and didn't. It was always going to be platonic anyways but thats not something that you jump out and say right off the bat. Being overly insisting that its platonic is creepy.

And not that she comes right out and says she has a BF either, but when we get to the subject of when I'll be in town next, that would be a good time to bring it up, I think...Just a thought
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  May 20,2009, 3:15pm
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Talk in social situations like this is cheap. Especially in a bar... Live and learn... it's reality...
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #7  May 20,2009, 3:23pm
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Minicooper, trust your gut. You read it right.

Not typically necessary that one volunteers in the first three minutes of a hello to an old acquaintanceabout their dating life, but there is a time when it's right.

If same sex old friend says "I'd like to call you when I get back in town," no prob. Catch up on the dating life later over a beer.

If opposite sex old friend says same, better clarify early on what's intended. One way to do this is "Hey, would love to catch up then--okay if I bring my boyfriend?", or "That'd be great, but I'm dating someone right now so if a man answers, don't hang up!". Lots of ways to get it in there.

She didn't.

You read the dodge right.

Like D_Lion said, easy for some, not for others.
 
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Courtney_Alaine is offline Courtney_Alaine Post #8  May 20,2009, 3:29pm
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Maybe she didn't think you would actually be coming back to town? Anything is possible I guess. If I thought you were interested, I'd tell you I was with someone so as not to cross signals but maybe she didn't think about it or care.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #9  May 20,2009, 3:38pm
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Courtney_Alaine wrote :
Maybe she didn't think you would actually be coming back to town? Anything is possible I guess. If I thought you were interested, I'd tell you I was with someone so as not to cross signals but maybe she didn't think about it or care.
Who knows?!

why do people always have to be "interested?" cant we just be friends?? lol
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #10  May 20,2009, 4:04pm
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Exactly! That's why it should be clarified early!

It's not a problem when the old friend is the same sex as you, but with women and men, it's just better to make it clear up front. So much easier, so much less tension, interpretation, wondering what this meant or what that didnt' mean.

Hey, some of my best friends are men...
 
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