he won't close his profile


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MissyRiver_88 is offline MissyRiver_88 Post #1  May 19,2009, 8:12am
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It's been two months and our relationship developed too quickly into a comfortable place. Playing house all that goes with it. I'm even getting to know his kids and he talks of marriage and that's ok but not when i do. Problem is he refuses to take his profile down and says he just wants to let his six month membership expire on it's own. I can see he is at the very least checking any emails he is receiving. Right now shows he is active within the last 24 hours on his dating account. I've asked him 3 times and he said he will take it down in his own time.... I feel like I have no choice but to let him go.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  May 19,2009, 1:50pm
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Umm....how about you back off and just date. As in no playing house or playing step-mom or whatever. He hasn't closed his options and after just two months and you should not be closing yours or demanding commitment either. Neither one of you actually know each other. If he is talking about marriage then it's way too soon and is just either meant in general terms or lip service. You need to slow things down.....way down.
 
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Czidvar is offline Czidvar Post #3  May 19,2009, 2:00pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Umm....how about you back off and just date. As in no playing house or playing step-mom or whatever. He hasn't closed his options and after just two months and you should not be closing yours or demanding commitment either. Neither one of you actually know each other. If he is talking about marriage then it's way too soon and is just either meant in general terms or lip service. You need to slow things down.....way down.
+1

I totally agree that two months is hardly a long time. And how do you know his dating profile is active unless you are logging into it and spying, or have one of your own and are checking?
 
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Girlygirl00 is offline Girlygirl00 Post #4  May 20,2009, 5:29am
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Czidvar wrote :
+1

I totally agree that two months is hardly a long time. And how do you know his dating profile is active unless you are logging into it and spying, or have one of your own and are checking?
+1

It seems there's a trust issue, more specifically a lack of trust. Realistically, who cares if his profile is still up if you're the one he's with? The guy I'm dating still has his up, and I really don't care...I know he's with me and I trust him.

GG
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #5  May 20,2009, 6:00am
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Interesting post. I have been seeing someone for a three weeks and last week he asked me to be exclusive and I agreed and the next morning he emailed me instructions on how to take down my profile.
I would be very cauctious that his profile is still up and you two are spending that much time together and playing house. I do not necessarily agree with the perspective that you have to date more than one person at a time. Especially when you may have found one that you are interested in but time will tell that. Two months for him to take down his profile is obviously not enough for him. Everyone is different and everyone's timeframe is different. Take your time-back away a little-do not lose your interest and your life for someone you are with that short of a period with. Dating is supposed to be fun!
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #6  May 20,2009, 6:23am
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Did his talk of marriage include "let's date exclusively" because he's not acting like that's what he has in mind. If I were you I'd either pull back so we're just "dating" or dump him.
 
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butterfly124 is offline butterfly124 Post #7  May 20,2009, 6:49am
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If I were you, I'd bring it up one last time, but as a serious conversation. It's not something that mildly bugs you. It is a deal breaker. I'd explain to him that it makes you feel that while you're supposedly in a serious relationship with talks of a future together, he's still got his options open trolling for something better to come along. That might not be what he is doing, but that is how you feel by the preservation of his dating profile. (At least I think that is how you feel, lol. That's how I'd feel!)

Ask for his true feelings on the matter. Maybe he's a bit overwhelmed with how fast things are going. Maybe he is interested in keeping his options open and take things slower. Maybe you should do the same. See how he reacts when you present the option of putting your profile back up.

I'd present him with three choices... 1. If he wants to be with you and isn't trying to find someone else, then be considerate of your feelings and take the profile down. He already GOT his money's worth, right?? 2. Take a step back, not being so serious and just date and get to know each other while keeping options open to date other people. 3. End it if you're just not what he needs.

If he is truly set on keeping his profile up even after hearing your feelings, I'd cut him loose and find someone who wants to focus on you and the relationship and not be carrying on dialogue, winks, emails, etc. with other women. Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 20,2009, 8:52am
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Good comments by the others.

You definitely need to slow down here and actually get to know each other. If you have actually had the exclusive talk and agree that you both are committed to an exclusive relationship then he is not showing that he is participating by keeping his profile active.

Granted that if he signed up for a 6 month membership and found "the one" (you) in the first week then he is not getting his money back. But the money has been spent and he got his monies worth because he got what he was looking for. For him to keep his profile active indicates one or more things. That he is not sure that you are truly "the one" for him. Disrespect for you and your feelings. Lack of actual commitment. Probably many more things that I just have not thought of.

If you are "playing house" and talking of marriage in the future then it is time for him to either make the commitments that come with a relationship at this level or for you to move on to someone who is willing to show you the respect you deserve.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #9  May 20,2009, 9:08am
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This is really a simple give and take here.

You want him to take down his profile.

He says he will do it in his own time.

You don't like that.

The decision is now yours. You can NEVER dictate what others do. You can make your wishes known and the other person can either follow your wishes, or not.

He wants to continue with his profile and date other people (only reason why you keep a profile up). So, you can either accept or reject this offer. Whatever is happening in your "relationship" is meaningless. He may profess his love to you. He may propose to you. But if he's not taking down his profile, it means he wants more matches and wants to date other people and keep you around. This is what you are faced with. Now, you have to decide if you want to take it. Accepting means you continue the way you've been going. Rejecting means you pull back and go back to a level playing field, which means you too are allowed to date other people.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #10  May 20,2009, 3:21pm
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Over in one.

Marriage should not come up that soon....
 
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