He projects that he is not into me than changes his mind


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lunaenlanoche is offline lunaenlanoche Post #1  May 19,2009, 7:15am
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I believe that I have pretty much hypothesized that the guy I have been getting to know is "just not into me." He has displayed the classic signs that I failed to see initially:
1) He called a lot in the beginning then it leveled off into one call every 2-4 weeks.
2) He asked for ideas and seemed excited to meet. We came up with potential date nights but something on his end always pushed it back. I gently asked for a specific date for a get together twice and he seemed to agree to it under duress.
3) His prioritization did not include me; He is so busy with a growing business that it was hard to call me, it was hard to get time off. However, there was plenty of time for him to go on vacation or spend time with his family.
4) He asked for a picture of me and I sent several to his cell phone and email account but he could never open them??? Then, I sent a couple in the mail (this is where I erred, they were a year old and I was wearing sunglasses. I advised him of this in a note and advised I looked the same except my hair color changed and it was longer. He had seen pics of me before from mutual friends on their cell phones. They were small but one could clearly see I looked the same.) Anyway, he NEVER acknowledged receipt of the pictures nor did he comment on them. When I asked him why, he said, "I cannot see your eyes and it is a year old.) That hurt but I probably asked for it.
5) In several conversations, he has mentioned that he talks to a lot of women and meets many through his job. So what? Am I supposed to be jealous of this? I am not your girlfriend so I don't really care about all the women you speak to. If you're that appealing then obviously you have your pick of the litter.
6) I finally just decided to tell him that I obviously wasn't what he was looking for. I told him that I could tell he wasn't interested, I felt bad that I never truly captivated him or captured his essence. I told him that he deserved someone like that. In addition, I told him that I harbored no ill will and wished him all the best.
As soon as I told him this, he did everything in his power to reassure me that he likes me, same excuses with being busy, that he is "unconventional" in many ways in meeting a woman etc. He said that he likes to take his time getting to know someone, looks do not matter to him because he is attracted to someone's mind, IF we went out and things didn't work out then there was nothing wrong with still talking.
What he doesn't understand, no matter how many times I tell him is I am looking for a relationship- period. I am glad that we talk and we have bonded verbally. I just cannot keep waiting around for him to make up his mind.

If he was interested then clearly he would have made a definitive move by now. I asked him point blank, "Why don't you just go for it and be the aggressor?" I wasn't mean or rude but I needed to know. He simply stated that he prefers getting to know a woman......it takes him 6 months to determine if I am worth a pursuit?

Why is he doing this to me? He knows my stance and he knows that I have wanted to move to the next level for awhile. I really didn't want to push him because I truly wanted him to be comfortable.

What is his deal? He is not into me but expects me to wait in the wings?

Any male feedback is truly appreciated.
 
 
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  May 19,2009, 7:57am
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