Is he interested or just a really nice guy?


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Vibrant is offline Vibrant Post #1  May 18,2009, 3:24pm
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Hi all,
I have a small dilemma.
I recently joined a sports team focused on bringing together singles. We play for a couple of hours and then go out to dinner. We meet 2/month at best. One of the team organisers, Stan, is a devout christian. I am an agnostic. This may be important.
Here's the dilemma:
After the first get together 2 weeks ago, I went to dinner with Stan and two other players. At the table the conversation was nice and covered bunch of topics from personal to politics. After dinner Stan walked me to my car and we started to talk about religion. I am an agnostic but can intelligently discuss various beliefs and religions. This conversation was very stimulating, for both of us I think, as we stood in the parking lot for over an hour. Before I left, Stan gave me some flowers (left over from door prize) to give to my mom as it was almost mothers-day, we hugged and said goodbye. Did not hear anything from Stan until this Saturday when he called an invited me to his birthday party that same evening. My other plans had been cancelled due to rain, so I agreed to come. It was a big party, so he and I did not get to chat much, but hugged before I left and talked about the team plans for the following day, yesterday. He picked up the tab for my dinner that night annonymously.
As luck would have it, it was pouring the entire Sunday. Stan called around lunch and told me the game was going to be rained out, but he was thinking of going to a nice restaurant for dinner and could I still come. Normally the team goes out to inexpensive Mx, Pizza or pub places. The change seemed interesting and the fact that he called me BEFORE he sent out a note to the rest of the group about the plans for the evening. He did also "warn" me that it may be just him and I at dinner, if nobody else shows up. Well, 3 other people did show up. We had a fabulous dinner, great conversation, etc. However, as the checks came, Stan picked up my tab and the tab for a male friend that was there. I think they may have come together as the restaurant is 15 miles from them and I think they live close to each other. There was another woman there, a good friend of Stans. Stan had brought flowers again (I think he buys flowers for each game) and stated that the person who is newest to the team (me) should have the flowers. We all walked out together and hugged as we went to our separate cars (we could not linger as it was freezing and raining and others were waiting.)
So what do you guys think...does it look like he may be interested in more than being friends or is he just being a really nice guy and wants me to feel welcome and expose me to his extensive group of single friends?
Help!!!
Vibrant
Last edited by Vibrant; May 20,2009 at 1:17pm. Reason: Edited to make more annonymous
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #2  May 18,2009, 3:35pm
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Yeah, he doesn't just like you...

He likes you, likes you.
 
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hankm25 is offline hankm25 Post #3  May 18,2009, 3:44pm
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I really can't say because you're only giving us your perspective. However, the real question is are you interested? If so, then why don't you just ask him out? I mean you're agnostic so I assume you are progressive; there is nothing wrong with expressing interest in him.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 18,2009, 3:44pm
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I’d call this ambiguous … in a way that calls for some decisiveness from somebody. Since you have come for our fine advices, I’d say the burden is on you to go for the first down here.

Ordinarily, I think the woman in this kind of situation should take a bold move and set up a clear date, but this may be a different case; can you acknowledge his efforts in a feminine way without being too aggressive?
 
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4getmenot is offline 4getmenot Post #5  May 18,2009, 3:48pm

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Uhm...I don't understand what bigger hint you need that HE LIKES YOU, LIKES YOU. It's a given! He is not being JUST A REALLY NICE GUY, it's too obvious
 
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Vibrant is offline Vibrant Post #6  May 18,2009, 3:52pm
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Yes, I am interested and would like to go out with him.

I have been thinking of calling him to thank him for a lovely dinner and say I think he is really nice and I am flattered that he paid for the dinner and gave me the beautiful flowers. But as Hank pointed out, I am progressive and feel this kind of language makes me sound prissy. I would have no issues asking him out, it's just that I am new to this group and I am concerned that if I misunderstood his intentions, this may cause some tention in the future.
 
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Vibrant is offline Vibrant Post #7  May 18,2009, 3:55pm
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Thanks 4getmenot!
The reason I can't read these "obvious" signals is that I have never dated in the "real world". I have only done online dating, so the message is much clearer there. This type of behavior is brand new for me. Lame I know, but oh so true.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #8  May 18,2009, 4:02pm
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Vibrant wrote :
Yes, I am interested and would like to go out with him.

I have been thinking of calling him to thank him for a lovely dinner and say I think he is really nice and I am flattered that he paid for the dinner and gave me the beautiful flowers. But as Hank pointed out, I am progressive and feel this kind of language makes me sound prissy. I would have no issues asking him out, it's just that I am new to this group and I am concerned that if I misunderstood his intentions, this may cause some tention in the future.
I would possibly tone down what you say to him when you call him. I am not entirely sure how I would state what you want to say but I think it is to much.

Maybe others on the boards would have some input. Maybe just leave out "beautiful" as a descriptor & just thank him for dinner once.
 
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hankm25 is offline hankm25 Post #9  May 18,2009, 4:17pm
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Vibrant wrote :
Yes, I am interested and would like to go out with him.

I have been thinking of calling him to thank him for a lovely dinner and say I think he is really nice and I am flattered that he paid for the dinner and gave me the beautiful flowers. But as Hank pointed out, I am progressive and feel this kind of language makes me sound prissy. I would have no issues asking him out, it's just that I am new to this group and I am concerned that if I misunderstood his intentions, this may cause some tention in the future.
As for sounding prissy, it does not sound prissy to me but it does sound a little too eager--this is just my opinion, others may disagree. I think to avoid unwanted tension between the two of you, you need to play this out as maturely as possible. By mature I mean expressing your emotions appropriately for the situation. You really don't know him too well, but you are interested in him so how about calling and saying, "Hey, I notice you're a really nice guy and that is something I value; I would like to get to know you better how about we have...etc." If he says yes, then you got yourself a date. If he says no, then you didn't overdo it and he won't feel uncomfortable around you.

Hope this helps.
 
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ceec is offline ceec Post #10  May 18,2009, 5:30pm
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I would ask staight up if he is interested.No flowery language."i may be misinterpeting your signals.....".He sounds like he DOES like LIKE you.Find out !!!
 
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