Do you have a minimum length of time that you'd wait to date someone who's just left a relationship?


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KatherineA is offline KatherineA Post #1  May 17,2009, 10:14pm
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I have had my own rules for years regarding the newly single. I would rarely consider dating someone who's only been out of a 'long term' relationship for a few months. I do not believe that they are emotionally available until they've 'processed' the last relationship. I'm just out of a relationship myself and I know that I'm not ready to get serioulsy involved yet. Having said that, there are always exceptions.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #2  May 17,2009, 10:35pm
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At least one year, but I've heard of some waiting at least 5. Just to get rid of some of the emotional baggage and to get used to a 'new ' way of doing life, I guess.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #3  May 17,2009, 11:54pm

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I would think a year or 5 years would be overkill. Do you think that you would remember who they are a year later? The concept is to meet someone that is a fun person or at least entertaining for a first date, if they are not, then it's slam bam thank you mam and you move on or maybe you have a friend who would be a good fit for them. If you enjoy the person it's a no brainer to have a 2nd. date. The point of internet dating is to meet new and interesting people with the hope of getting swept off your feet by that special person. After speaking to someone you know if you want to go out with them or not.

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lenemngk is offline lenemngk Post #4  May 18,2009, 1:10am
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With me, it's at least 1 to 2 years. The last time I got involved with somebody who was on a rebound, it hurt me a lot. Not going back that route again.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  May 18,2009, 6:21am
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I've never given it any thought. I try to assess each person for themselves.

In any case, I would not ask such a question quickly, so unless she volunteered the information, I wouldn't even know.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  May 18,2009, 6:33am
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Much the same as D_Lion.

Each person is different. It would be a rare situation where I would ask. I listen to what is said, or not said, to get a feel for where the person is in their life and if they are ready to let me into it.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #7  May 18,2009, 6:48am
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KatherineA wrote :
I have had my own rules for years regarding the newly single. I would rarely consider dating someone who's only been out of a 'long term' relationship for a few months. I do not believe that they are emotionally available until they've 'processed' the last relationship. I'm just out of a relationship myself and I know that I'm not ready to get serioulsy involved yet. Having said that, there are always exceptions.
Kudos to you, KatherineA. I found that even though it had taken me months to end the relationship, after I did I wasn't even interested in meeting anyone for a year. And then it took me another six months before I felt I wasn't going to be abreacting on the next person the issues I'd dealt with in the man before.

One would hope that a person would recognize this in her/himself and choose to take a break for awhile--it is the right thing to do. But as on a thread not too far distant, someone is talking about not wanting to be alone and as a result is setting up the next set of hurts.

It is our responsibility, IMO, that we step aside for a bit and consider what we might do to others before just assuaging our own fears.
Last edited by simplemind; May 18,2009 at 6:50am. Reason: clarification
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  May 18,2009, 7:34am
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I think it would depend a lot on how long that previous relationship was. I dated my ex for nearly a year, have been single for 3 months now, judging by the responses in this thread it looks like women think that I should not be trying to date again?
 
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janissary is offline janissary Post #9  May 18,2009, 8:33am
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Depends on how crazy you are and how crazy he is. Just kidding.

Some relationships hurt a lot, others don't.

If he is generally happy with no chip on his shoulder, then date him.

Time is something you never get back. Why have rules?
 
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Hurricane_Em is offline Hurricane_Em Post #10  May 18,2009, 8:36am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Much the same as D_Lion.

Each person is different. It would be a rare situation where I would ask. I listen to what is said, or not said, to get a feel for where the person is in their life and if they are ready to let me into it.
I'll piggyback with you and D_Lion for much the same reasons; each case if different. I also think that as we grow older, we get a better feel of what works, what doesn't and a person's actual situation. So whereas a person in his 20s may benefit from a couple of years of reflection, someone in his 40s or 50s may have a better handle as to relationships needs/wants and ways to handle a breakup, grief and so on.
 
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