My date yesterday-Not exactly the best!


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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #1  May 16,2009, 10:31pm
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I posted this as an update on my "I have a date" post but decided this would be better as a new thread.

I went on the date last night but before I tell you about how it went,I'd like to give you a little history about how our interactions have been going before the date.I favorited him on POF about a week and a half ago.He initiated the first e-mail and we sent a few e-mails back and forth and then started IM communication.Our IM sesssions were long ones and I felt like we had alot in common and that he seemed really nice and funny.We also have talked on the phone 4 times,I think.The first time was for an hour,the second time was 2 and a half hours,the 3rd time was for about a half hour and I'm not sure on the fourth.Anyways,I really liked this guy and was excited about meeting him and he told me he was excited about meeting me.

Anyways,now to the date part.We were supposed to meet at the mall by a coffee shop at 7:30.At 7:30,I see somebody who I thought might be him but he passed on by and went in the store(the coffee shop was just outside a store) so I didn't think it was him but he kind of lingered at the jewelry or makeup counter(I didn't really notice) so I thought it might be him and he was just nervous but then I realized he worked there.Anyways,time is passing,I'm getting more and more nervous and then more and more frustrated because he's later and later.He doesn't have a cell phone so can't call me and tell me what's going on.I know he was really excited about meeting me so I know he didn't stand me up so I really don't know what to think.I'm thinking maybe he meant a different coffee shop even though he told me this one so I ask the lady at the coffee shop if there are anymore coffee shops outside of stores and she said she didn't think so.Anyways, time keeps passing,I called his house twice to see if somehow I can relay a message to him through his roommate or if he's still there by some chance but keep getting his voicemail, which I can't really hear because it's loud at the mall but sounded like some older woman's voice(Maybe he lives with his parents?)Anyway,I call my exhusband twice(We're friends) and the second time I call him,after a little bit,the guy shows up,an hour late.He said he took MAX(Portland area train)last minute and he realized that was bad idea because he was so late.I'm sure he apologized but I don't remember.(Later,when I get home,I see he sent me an e-mail saying he was going to be 10 or 15 minutes late but of course he ended up being an hour late and I left before he sent the e-mail and didn't see it anyway)By this time,I'm extremely frustrated for waiting so long and so everything is really awkward.We were supposed to walk around the mall for an hour and half and talk and get to know each other before seeing a movie but since he was so late we only had about a half hour.I was really nervous to begin with but after the hour long wait and not knowing what was going on,it was even worse.I didn't talk a whole lot.He seemed nice but I wasn't attracted to him.I am not always attracted to somebody right away, sometimes that comes later.Anyway,we looked in a few stores and then stood in line to pay which was really awkward since neither one of us was talking(We went Dutch.He had sent me an e-mail earlier saying things were tight for him right now and could we go Dutch, which was fine)

We watched the movie.He seemed really uncomfortable during the movie for some reason and the movie was a drama so didn't have alot of funny parts but there were funny parts which I laughed at and he only laughed once, which I though was a little weird.

Afterwards,he walked me to my car and I was going to shake his hand and tell him it was nice to meet him(I wasn't sure what I should do) but he gave me a hug instead.I asked him if he could make it home o.k. and he said yes and he went on his way.A few minutes later,I realize that I should offer him a ride home(I felt safe with him)and that it would give us a chance to talk some more, since we really didn't have a chance earlier but I couldn't find him so I went home.

Today,I sent him an e-mail saying that I felt that things had started out on the wrong foot,yesterday because he was late but I wasn't mad because those things happen and told him these cases are when a cell phone would really come in handy.

I told him I would like a do-over,if he was game.He sent me an e-mail back saying that after last night and going back over our conversations he felt we weren't a good match, in the long run which really didn't make alot of sense,I feel like we have alot in common and have a nice rapport with each other.He also said he hoped I found the right guy for me but as of right now,I'm making it hard for people to get to know me.I wasn't very talkative last night but it was awkward and he should have gave me the benefit of the doubt and let us have a do-over.I wasn't attracted to him but wanted a do-over because I thought we had potential.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #2  May 17,2009, 2:59am
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Sorry to hear things didn’t go so well for your date. Though I’m not sure what doesn’t make sense to you about him saying that he doesn’t feel that the two of you are a good match??

Just because *you* felt you both had things in common and had a good rapport with one another, doesn’t mean he necessarily will (or does) feel that way. You weren’t attracted to him, maybe he wasn’t to you either. You thought there was potential – obviously he didn’t.

He didn’t think you were a good match for one another. It’s that simple. Why should he have given the benefit of the doubt and done a do-over if he wasn’t feeling it??
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  May 17,2009, 4:07am
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I hate to be mean, but....

1) Nobody owes you a chance for anything

2) Just because you think you have a lot in common does not make it so

3) Just like you were not attracted to him, he is not attracted to you

4) By declining another date he is doing both of you a favor

5) What he said about it being difficult to get to know you - take it to heart and figure out what you can change about your behavior in the future even if your date is running late, etc. - he gave you very honest criticism since he has nothing to lose by telling you this. There will be times when your date will run late and not have a way to tell you about it. It happens. The big question is how do you handle it once he finally shows up. You can accept the apology and explanation and shrug it off and have fun anyway or you can pout and be awkward for the rest of the night. How you react and how you handle things is entirely your choice and something you can control. So learn from this experience as you move on to bigger and better things.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #4  May 17,2009, 4:40am
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I agree with the previous two posters in that he wasn't feeling a connection so it's time for you to move on.

I do want to add that an hour late is totally unacceptable! The train took longer than he thought?! He should have looked into how long the journey would take before leaving. He sent you an email saying he was running late so he was at home at that time. I'm wondering why he didn't call your cell phone - I'm guessing he knows the number.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #5  May 17,2009, 4:50am
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DancingFool wrote :
I hate to be mean, but....

1) Nobody owes you a chance for anything

2) Just because you think you have a lot in common does not make it so

3) Just like you were not attracted to him, he is not attracted to you

4) By declining another date he is doing both of you a favor

5) What he said about it being difficult to get to know you - take it to heart and figure out what you can change about your behavior in the future even if your date is running late, etc. - he gave you very honest criticism since he has nothing to lose by telling you this. There will be times when your date will run late and not have a way to tell you about it. It happens. The big question is how do you handle it once he finally shows up. You can accept the apology and explanation and shrug it off and have fun anyway or you can pout and be awkward for the rest of the night. How you react and how you handle things is entirely your choice and something you can control. So learn from this experience as you move on to bigger and better things.
1)True no one owes anyone a chance---but that doesn't mean that you are wrong for hoping/asking for a chance (you did after all give him a chance after he showed up 1 hr late. However you can't control how or when those chances are given out.
2)Just because you feel you have a lot in common (anf even though this MAY be so) doesn't mean that he feels the same way. Or he could just be using it as a polite out.
3)True he MAY not have felt an attraction, or he may have felt your lack of attraction, or...*gasp* he may be one of those rare guys that doesn't base everything on attraction. I don't think we are in a position to judge his attraction level. It may really be #2.
4)If he's declining, he's declining...in this world of dating...I'd be happy that I got the closure of an email to let me know.
5)What DancingFool said may be partly true, though in my opinion it sounds as if she making some huge assumptions. You did not indicate in your email that you chose to "pout and be awkward for the rest of the night" I assume that you were nervous from the get go and that drawing out the anticipation and having an hour to overthink everything before he arrived simply added to that nervousness and made things awkward. (Not all of us are the most outgoing and socially gifted of individuals) Yes we can work to improve ourselves...but we also hope to a degree that when we find the right one he will be understanding if we are a tad less talkative or a tad awkward and that he'll judge us on the full package.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #6  May 17,2009, 4:51am
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Sabete2002: "I agree with the previous two posters in that he wasn't feeling a connection so it's time for you to move on.
I do want to add that an hour late is totally unacceptable! The train took longer than he thought?! He should have looked into how long the journey would take before leaving. He sent you an email saying he was running late so he was at home at that time. I'm wondering why he didn't call your cell phone - I'm guessing he knows the number."

+1
 
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beloved0000 is offline beloved0000 Post #7  May 17,2009, 4:52am
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One of my "Can't Stands" is I can't stand when someone is always late. I would have given him 15, maybe 20 minutes max then left. Punctuality to me is the equivalent of respect.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #8  May 17,2009, 5:00am
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beloved0000 wrote :
One of my "Can't Stands" is I can't stand when someone is always late. I would have given him 15, maybe 20 minutes max then left. Punctuality to me is the equivalent of respect.
+1
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 17,2009, 5:14am
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I can totally relate to the being late part and no cell phone. I just had an eHarmony match that I was to meet. Due to bad weather and an accident I knew I would be late. I had given her MY cell phone number but she never gave me her phone number, either cell or home. Meant that I was not able to contact her and she did not call to find out where I was. Needless to say she considered that it was my fault that I could not call her since SHE had not given me her phone number. Her reason for not giving me her phone number, she is too scared to "put herself out there". I am thinking that maybe she should quite being on a dating site.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 17,2009, 5:24am
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I notice that the theme of the above comments is not dealing with what a flake this guy is.

I know that the people in Portland are all about being green, but I don't think that public transit is the primary mode of transportation as it is in someplace like NYC. It would seem that this guy does not use it as his primary mode of transportation or he would have been more familiar with length of travel times and would have planned accordingly. Or maybe he is just oblivious to time.

And I thought everyone had a cell phone.
 
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