How about this dating phenomenon?


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SisterCassie is offline SisterCassie Post #21  May 15,2009, 3:01pm
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boccabum wrote :
This happens all the time. Happiness and contentment are very attractive. Desperation and neediness repel. Add to that the fact that young women are VERY competitive to each other, and you have a recipe that the guy will notice other women interested in him. Will that pull him away from you? Maybe. And if it does, it proves he's not ready for a serious relationship. Don't fight for him. Don't try to convince him that you're "the one". Let him go. He's not there emotionally. This is a good thing. A good test. It filters out the not ready for prime time guys. These guys aren't bad guys or jerks. But most people don't really know what they're ready for. They think they do, but they don't.
Interesting ... I agree. I dated a guy who was on several match sites but "didn't have time" for a relationship. And I totally understand. I was on eH while going to grad school, and I didn't have time for a relationship either! We all want to be happy and share that with someone, and we will search for that someone even at the most inopportune times!
 
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SisterCassie is offline SisterCassie Post #22  May 15,2009, 3:04pm
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tbesq wrote :
Not assertive in terms of trying to ask him out, just assertive enough to let him know that she likes him.
Ha. There's the rub. You have to let him know you like him but not in a needy way and in hopes that someone else isn't doing a better job of it, which is subject to interpretation. Doncha just love dating.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #23  May 15,2009, 3:11pm
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SisterCassie wrote :
Ha. There's the rub. You have to let him know you like him but not in a needy way and in hopes that someone else isn't doing a better job of it, which is subject to interpretation. Doncha just love dating.
Yes, I love dating I still believe that guys have it tougher. We have to be everything and nothing at the same time. Assertive, but gentile. Funny, but serious. A leader, but willing to let his SO be his equal. A good conversationalist, but a good listener. And how about those threads regarding whether a woman really likes a guy? I'd rather study string theory than try to remember all of that.

Both men and women have tightropes to walk when it comes to dating. We each have to do our part to make the other's job just a little simpler. Much easier said than done.
 
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SisterCassie is offline SisterCassie Post #24  May 15,2009, 3:32pm
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tbesq wrote :
Yes, I love dating I still believe that guys have it tougher. We have to be everything and nothing at the same time. Assertive, but gentile. Funny, but serious. A leader, but willing to let his SO be his equal. A good conversationalist, but a good listener. And how about those threads regarding whether a woman really likes a guy? I'd rather study string theory than try to remember all of that.
And while you are trying to be all that, do you assume women are just trying to look pretty. HullOHooo?

tbesq wrote :
Both men and women have tightropes to walk when it comes to dating. We each have to do our part to make the other's job just a little simpler.
That's a good way to look at it.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #25  May 15,2009, 3:32pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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I think it also has to do when people see someone happy, they want a part of it. Mostly everyone wants to be happy. It's sort of like walking down the street o the hot day and seeing someone with a huge ice cream cone enjoying the mess out of it. Well, you might not have even had ice cream on the mind, but after seeing it, it puts the idea in your head. I think it's like that with happiness, too. People are attracted to happy people because they want to be happy. Then, the person whose in this relationship might start thinking thoughts that he/she didn't have before; such as, if I'm this happy now, if I'm with this other person, I'll be even happier.
 
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charlie990 is offline charlie990 Post #26  September 17,2009, 3:39pm
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SisterCassie wrote :
Have you ever experienced a situation where you start seeing someone and you are both happy. And because you are happy, you start to look more attractive to other people. And the other person--okay, the guy--instead of realizing and appreciating the source of his happiness succumbs to the ego boost from having other girls express an interest in him and your relationship falls apart.

I have never been the type who will fight for a man. If he is that easy to woo, I say b'bye. Do guys like girls reining them in and telling other girls to buzz off? I always thought I wouldn't have to do that with the "right" guy but a lot of girls have no shame in throwing themselves at men. I feel like the guy loses to end up with someone like that.
This is a question about an individuals security.. so .. when enjoying the company of another the effect is generally positive ..like attracts like .. upbeat, confident people are generally the most attractive.. IF your date becomes insecure about attention/attraction you recieve from others, then you have a challenge ..and a clear sign that jelousy is an issue .. a double edged sword ..you know he cares.. but you also know he/she is not secure within her/himself .. what you do with that knowledge is up to you...
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #27  September 17,2009, 8:24pm
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Sister Cassie, you write...

"I have never been the type who will fight for a man. "

That comment raises a wee bit of a red flag.

A person (either gender) should really take resonsibility for their own fidelity if they are in a serous, exclusive relationship. That leaves their mate at ease.

But if the relationship is ailing it isn't too unlikely that one of the partners could be swayed by an "outsider".

For example, if the relationship was between you and I and it had been about 29 months since I assured you that you were my choice - I probably don't have much room to complain if your head is turned by some handsome stranger.

That's just a simple fact about relationships. They are not bricks that you can put in place and never have to tend to again. Relationaships are living things like plants and thus need feeding and watering and sunshine and nurturng today, and next week and next month. If they aren't tended to, they will die on the vine.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #28  September 17,2009, 9:10pm
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FruitaBu wrote :
When a man wants to be with you, he will proactively draw boundaries with other women to protect his relationship with you. I don't fight for a man either. If he needs lots of attention from other women to make him feel important, then he is not the man for me.

At the same time, if the person you are with does get attention from other people, it is not something to be threatened by as long as he is acting respectfully to you. I tend to take those types of situations in stride and it's a compliment to me. I can't help it if I have good taste!

There ya go. My sentiments exactly!
Last edited by lacedwithhope; September 17,2009 at 9:10pm. Reason: Forgot to bold the fighting part, too...
 
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