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tbesq tbesq is offline
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I agree with many of the posts. But I think everybody likes a little attention every once in a while. It's no different than women entertaining several suitors and choosing the one who is more assertive, or women who, while in a relationship, flirt to be certain that they are still attractive to other men. Sometimes men will entertain more than one woman to see which one is more interested in him. Since some women don't like to show that they are attracted to a man even when they are attracted, I think this makes some sense.
- May 15th, 2009, 09:31 am
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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alex751 wrote :
This actually happens a lot when flying. You have a lovely conversation with your seatmate on the airplane. The next thing you know she's asking if you need a ride home. Or wants to give you a hug. Even flight attendants succumb to this.

Definitely been there!
Hi;
I don't understand the correlation. Are you saying this situation happens when you are seeing someone--you then meet another person (your soul mate) on the plane? Sorry. Not sure I get it ...

Cassie
- May 15th, 2009, 01:56 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
I don't think that the only reason that he is getting interest is because he was seeing someone though. That is a complete guess on your part.
I didn't say it was the only reason--there has to be some will and choice. It is not a complete guess, though ...
- May 15th, 2009, 01:58 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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BikerBeagle wrote :
Could be the confidence a guy feels knowing that he has someone 'waiting' for him so he's no longer afraid of rejection ...could be the old saying, people are unnaturally attracted to someone they don't think they can have ...could be that they aren't looking for a commitment to begin with and 'taken' people are safe in that regard ...could be the challenge aspect of wrestling someone from someone else ...lots of reasons.

Sad, but so true. I'd say if you lost someone to this phenomenon, they weren't worth having in the first place.
Thanks. I think the confidence and happiness does make people more willing to interact with others and thereby have more opportunities to attract someone.

Funny thing happened with a guy I dated recently. We had a great time, had the spark and attraction, expressed our mutual happiness. A couple days later, we were each bouncing happily along and offering random acts of kindness to people we happened upon. I had similar stories to share about my acts after he relayed his. We hadn't discussed it previously; just happened to come up in conversation.

I think happy people maybe are nicer people and attract others more readily. Still, for me, there was no desire to start juggling additional men when I knew very well the reasons for my happiness.

I agree that they're probably not right for someone if they thought having a number of girls after them was better than having one quality girl that made them happy.
- May 15th, 2009, 02:04 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Seems to me that you are describing a very real situation that people always want what someone else has but if no one else wants it then they don't want it either.
Yes. And that reviously undiscovered hottie who now has a girlfriend is new prey for some ...

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
You can see it with children and toys and in your example with girls wanting the guy that some other girl is with.
Yeah, I guess I hoped it wouldn't continue past my 20s!!! lol That people would grow up more and be wiser with their choices.
- May 15th, 2009, 02:10 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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FruitaBu wrote :
When a man wants to be with you, he will proactively draw boundaries with other women to protect his relationship with you. I don't fight for a man either. If he needs lots of attention from other women to make him feel important, then he is not the man for me.

At the same time, if the person you are with does get attention from other people, it is not something to be threatened by as long as he is acting respectfully to you. I tend to take those types of situations in stride and it's a compliment to me. I can't help it if I have good taste!
Thanks for the response. That's the thing--I can't help it if I have good taste, a good work ethic, good relationships. Someone can never really have what you have as they are not you. They can envy your happiness and try to strive to achieve it, but they can't really have it. How does that go? "Now I am happy because I have what you had"??? No, you don't; you have what you thought you wanted when you saw someone else happy. Who wants to spend her time fighting with a wannabe. My head is spinning.
- May 15th, 2009, 02:19 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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tbesq wrote :
Sometimes men will entertain more than one woman to see which one is more interested in him. Since some women don't like to show that they are attracted to a man even when they are attracted, I think this makes some sense.
Oh boy ... so the guy doesn't choose who he likes, he waits for the most assertive one to stake her claim? Funny, but I suspected this ...

I think I learned something here. And it ain't entirely pretty.
- May 15th, 2009, 02:25 pm
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SisterCassie SisterCassie is offline
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D_Lion wrote :

While you perhaps do not want “to fight for a man,” in my opinion women should not sit back passively and expect the man to do all the chasing (that is my preference, though it seems to work for some.)


It has nothing to do with the guy doing all the chasing. If you are seeing someone, have established certain means of contact--both sharing in that--that is not being passive. I would rather have a guy who has healthy boundaries and respect for his relationship that one that wants his girl to stoop to the level of fighting off other pursuers.


D_Lion wrote :
I would rather have a partner who keeps choosing me over other options than one who is desperate, clingy, needy, or passive.
 While you continue to entertain other possibilities, right? No one continue to choose you for long in that case ...
- May 15th, 2009, 02:33 pm
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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This happens all the time. Happiness and contentment are very attractive. Desperation and neediness repel. Add to that the fact that young women are VERY competitive to each other, and you have a recipe that the guy will notice other women interested in him. Will that pull him away from you? Maybe. And if it does, it proves he's not ready for a serious relationship. Don't fight for him. Don't try to convince him that you're "the one". Let him go. He's not there emotionally. This is a good thing. A good test. It filters out the not ready for prime time guys. These guys aren't bad guys or jerks. But most people don't really know what they're ready for. They think they do, but they don't.
Last edited by boccabum; May 15th, 2009 at 02:53 pm. Reason: spelling
- May 15th, 2009, 02:53 pm
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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SisterCassie wrote :
Oh boy ... so the guy doesn't choose who he likes, he waits for the most assertive one to stake her claim? Funny, but I suspected this ...

I think I learned something here. And it ain't entirely pretty.
Not assertive in terms of trying to ask him out, just assertive enough to let him know that she likes him.
- May 15th, 2009, 03:52 pm
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