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turquoisepink turquoisepink is offline
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I've been monitoring my boyfriend's online accounts for some time now and upon looking through the call logs on his online cell phone account, I learned that he's making phone calls to several different numbers between 3am and 6am (i.e.: booty call hours). He works the graveyard shift and gets off around 3:30am so he seems to be calling them right after he gets off of work.

So, I called the different numbers and every single person that answered was a female. I Googled the phone numbers and learned that these women have ads posted on Craigslist under the "casual encounters" section and also have ads posted on escort websites. In other words, my boyfriend is making phone calls to women that are glorified hookers.

I can tell, based on the pattern of the phone calls, that he's basically going through a list of phone numbers until one of these women picks up. He does this with some regularity, but I can only tell that he's calling these women. There's no way for me to prove that he's actually connecting with them in person.

I know I need to dump him, but I want to bring this up to him. He has two children, a son and a daughter from a different woman (I don't have kids), and this just isn't appropriate behavior for a father. Not only that, but I want to know if he's been sleeping with them, using a condom, etc. because women like the ones he's calling are very likely infested with STDs. I saw these women's ads and their pictures, so I know what they look like.

The problem is, I don't want him to know I have access to his online accounts. But there is no way for me to prove that I know what I know without selling myself out in the process. What would you do in this situation? I'm trying to find a clever way to bring it up.

Oh and one more thing, I am incredibly sexual and in no way deprive him sexually. If anything, I feel like I want to have sex more often than he does...now I'm coming to understand why he's not as horny as I am.
- May 14th, 2009, 01:14 pm
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peg099 peg099 is offline
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turquoisepink wrote :
I've been monitoring my boyfriend's online accounts for some time now and upon looking through the call logs on his online cell phone account, I learned that he's making phone calls to several different numbers between 3am and 6am (i.e.: booty call hours). He works the graveyard shift and gets off around 3:30am so he seems to be calling them right after he gets off of work.

So, I called the different numbers and every single person that answered was a female. I Googled the phone numbers and learned that these women have ads posted on Craigslist under the "casual encounters" section and also have ads posted on escort websites. In other words, my boyfriend is making phone calls to women that are glorified hookers.

I can tell, based on the pattern of the phone calls, that he's basically going through a list of phone numbers until one of these women picks up. He does this with some regularity, but I can only tell that he's calling these women. There's no way for me to prove that he's actually connecting with them in person.

I know I need to dump him, but I want to bring this up to him. He has two children, a son and a daughter from a different woman (I don't have kids), and this just isn't appropriate behavior for a father. Not only that, but I want to know if he's been sleeping with them, using a condom, etc. because women like the ones he's calling are very likely infested with STDs. I saw these women's ads and their pictures, so I know what they look like.

The problem is, I don't want him to know I have access to his online accounts. But there is no way for me to prove that I know what I know without selling myself out in the process. What would you do in this situation? I'm trying to find a clever way to bring it up.

Oh and one more thing, I am incredibly sexual and in no way deprive him sexually. If anything, I feel like I want to have sex more often than he does...now I'm coming to understand why he's not as horny as I am.
If he's been doing this behind your back, why would you expect him to all of sudden be honest about whether he's sleeping with them and using condoms? I'd say you should thank your lucky stars for knowing what you know, and move on. Getting him to change his behavior is not your job. It's his issue, not yours.
- May 14th, 2009, 03:45 pm
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dwreese182 dwreese182 is offline
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Ouch, dump him. No need to confront as he will more than likely deny it or try to turn it around on you for snooping on him.
Kinda sucks to be in your position because you were snooping on him. If I found out my girlfriend was snooping on me I would ditch her without any questions. But again, you should just get rid of him and go get checked. If you come up with anything I would go talk to a lawyer, I have heard of people being held responsible for knowingly transferring STDs.
- May 14th, 2009, 03:52 pm
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dwreese182 dwreese182 is offline
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Oh and if he asks you don't have to tell him how you got the information. Just say, "I know you were calling call girls and it's over." "It doesn't matter how I know, I just know! Goodbye."
- May 14th, 2009, 03:57 pm
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Why would you want to "bring it up"? Just leave.
- May 14th, 2009, 04:05 pm
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turquoisepink wrote :
I know I need to dump him, but I want to bring this up to him. [...]

The problem is, I don't want him to know I have access to his online accounts. But there is no way for me to prove that I know what I know without selling myself out in the process. What would you do in this situation? I'm trying to find a clever way to bring it up.
If you're dumping him, why do you care what he knows?
- May 14th, 2009, 04:05 pm
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Jazmintte Jazmintte is offline
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Dump him. No need to bring up what you found out. That's a 'stick it to him' tactic.

Then...take some time off dating and go get some counseling for yourself. You have some serious trust issues going on. Perhaps they were only with this guy, and he had given you cause, but 'monitoring his accounts for some time now' means you have had trust issues going on for some time.
- May 14th, 2009, 04:19 pm
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waltercl waltercl is offline
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It seems like I've seen a number of this type of post where girls are going through guys cell numbers, online accounts, etc. It's really kind of scary.

Here's a crazy thought, why not date someone that you trust and doesn't make you go all stalkersish.
- May 14th, 2009, 04:19 pm
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I think there are a couple of nearly unrelated issues here (and they are not all his.)

First, you snooped and pried into things that are not yours (assuming these accounts are not shared.) Still, having established the behavior you might as well let him know what you did. You are not free of blame (and I may well dump a woman for that sort of invasion), but the conversation is no less relevant. Coming up with a tactic to avoid the revelation you snooped is adding stupidity and disrespect to the snooping.

Second, I do not see that there is any relevance to whether he “connected in person.” Unless calling was the only intent – which I would not believe if that is his defense – the intent is adequately a concern that I would absolutely leave.

I see no logic in confronting him (to what, revel in being all righteous?) If you choose to, I would be totally direct and forthcoming about the source of your knowledge.
- May 14th, 2009, 04:36 pm
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Dump him. You probably should have done it a while ago anyway, you would have no need to invade his privacy if you trusted him. I doubt your man is any different than he was when you first met him, you probably chose to ignore your misgivings...a common mistake many women make.

Don't confront him. He'll obviously want to know why you're dumping him, but just say it and let it be at that before he starts going into defense mode. And try to listen to your intuition from now on.
- May 14th, 2009, 04:42 pm
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