10 pounds away from dating?


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emanze is offline emanze Post #1  May 13,2009, 8:57am
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Hello there!

Soooo...not to be all nosy here but have you ever put on some weight and did it affect you dating life in any way??

Here's my story ~
Last Christmas, I might have binged on one too many cookies (okay, I gorged myself silly.) It's now May but it's still Christmas time for my belly. I've been fine with it until now. Summer is here and I don't want to hide these 10 extra pounds under my clothes anymore...not that I can. My clothes are bursting at the seams and, since I haven't been at the gym, I'm sluggish.

So, I just don't feel like myself/am uncomfortable.

I think dating is tricky enough...the potential drama, the rejection, the risks...that I want to go into it feeling as positive as I can. And part of that is being comfortable in my skin.

A friend of mine disagrees...that if a partner won't accept you with extra pounds, well, than that person is "too shallow".

I disagree. Weight is such a sensitive subject. The irony is I couldn't care less if my partner carries a little weight. But my point is that it has nothing to do with anyone but me. My motivation is to feel stronger and healthier for me. And I don't want to put myself out there until I feel more like myself. It's, truly, more about how I feel, not how I look.

So...just curious if you can relate?
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #2  May 13,2009, 9:19am
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I wish I only had 10 pounds to lose....ugh.

But yeah, dating is challenging enough. Dragging around extra weight in the form of...well...weight adds...uhhh, dare I say weight?

Still, that said, I've never lost a pound for anyone other than myself that I didn't promptly gain back. Nope, my diet is for me and me alone. If my boyfriend ends up benefiting....well, goody for him but that's just an added bonus.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  May 13,2009, 9:46am
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emanze you have part of the concept for losing extra weight correct. That is, for yourself, your health and also your own mental state, you would feel better about yourself.

However, your idea that you need to lose the weight in order to date is just wrong on so many levels. I agree with your friend that if a guy is going to reject you for being 10 pounds overweight then he is shallow. Just think how much more he will think of you if he accepts you as you are today and you lose the 10 pounds and look really cute in your bikini at the beach.

Or we could look at this another way, you say that the 10 pounds are from Christmas cookies. So you lose the extra weight and then go in search of your guy. So next Christmas you gorge yourself on, not only the Christmas cookies but also on the turkey and ham at Christmas dinner and you put on a few extra pounds. What happens then? Do you run and hide until you lose the extra weight again? Does he dump you because you are no longer the slim girl that he first met in the summer?

Just get out there and find your guy right now just as the hottie that you are today. Lose the weight for yourself for the right reasons, that you will feel better and feel better about yourself.
 
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emanze is offline emanze Post #4  May 13,2009, 9:47am
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BlueEyedLizzie wrote :
I wish I only had 10 pounds to lose....ugh.

But yeah, dating is challenging enough. Dragging around extra weight in the form of...well...weight adds...uhhh, dare I say weight?

Still, that said, I've never lost a pound for anyone other than myself that I didn't promptly gain back. Nope, my diet is for me and me alone. If my boyfriend ends up benefiting....well, goody for him but that's just an added bonus.

Good, so you get where I'm coming from. Thank you! It's such a tricky line....you have to feel good about yourself, no matter what the scale says. But, yet, I feel so bloated and icky right now....dating doesn't feel like great fun.
 
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emanze is offline emanze Post #5  May 13,2009, 10:04am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
emanze you have part of the concept for losing extra weight correct. That is, for yourself, your health and also your own mental state, you would feel better about yourself.

However, your idea that you need to lose the weight in order to date is just wrong on so many levels. I agree with your friend that if a guy is going to reject you for being 10 pounds overweight then he is shallow. Just think how much more he will think of you if he accepts you as you are today and you lose the 10 pounds and look really cute in your bikini at the beach.

Or we could look at this another way, you say that the 10 pounds are from Christmas cookies. So you lose the extra weight and then go in search of your guy. So next Christmas you gorge yourself on, not only the Christmas cookies but also on the turkey and ham at Christmas dinner and you put on a few extra pounds. What happens then? Do you run and hide until you lose the extra weight again? Does he dump you because you are no longer the slim girl that he first met in the summer?

Just get out there and find your guy right now just as the hottie that you are today. Lose the weight for yourself for the right reasons, that you will feel better and feel better about yourself.
Thanks for this very motivating, encouraging comment.

Or we could look at this another way, you say that the 10 pounds are from Christmas cookies. So you lose the extra weight and then go in search of your guy. So next Christmas you gorge yourself on, not only the Christmas cookies but also on the turkey and ham at Christmas dinner and you put on a few extra pounds. What happens then? Do you run and hide until you lose the extra weight again? Does he dump you because you are no longer the slim girl that he first met in the summer?

I get what you are saying. I do. It's a great point. I would never want to be with someone so shallow as you describe. And I actually like a little weight on someone, makes them seem human and real. I dig real people. And I wouldn't ever (knowingly) choose someone who didn't feel the same.

But I feel vulnerable when I date...meeting strangers constantly is not always a giant ego boost. The whole idea of throwing myself out there when I'm not feeling my best, makes the whole thing harder than it should be.

It's like going on an interview in a suit that is ill fitting. I think I'm a fantastic, qualified applicant. But, the truth is, I don't feel comfortable in this suit. Why not wait, save to buy a better suit then go on interviews. The motivation to get fit is 100% about me. If anything, just to have the energy to get through this battle!

It's tricky stuff.
 
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zeekle is offline zeekle Post #6  May 13,2009, 10:07am
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I wouldn't wait till you lost it. 10 pounds won't matter to someone who just met you one way or the other. If it does matter you don't want them anyway.
 
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emanze is offline emanze Post #7  May 13,2009, 10:26am
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zeekle wrote :
I wouldn't wait till you lost it. 10 pounds won't matter to someone who just met you one way or the other. If it does matter you don't want them anyway.
Yea, that's precisely how I feel about someone I'm dating.

What I mean, and I'm probably saying this wrong, is I don't feel good with this weight. If someone else rejects me, well, whatever.

But I feel a little ill at ease in my own body. And sluggish. And ill at ease and sluggish is not a good way to jump into a world as brutal as the dating one.

Thanks for the feedback, though!
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #8  May 13,2009, 10:30am
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If you feel icky about yourself you're not going to feel good about dating.
 
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TrixiPooch is offline TrixiPooch Post #9  May 13,2009, 10:43am
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I was compelled to log on and answer you...

I know EXACTLY how you feel! It has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. It has to do with how you feel about yourself - your confidence level. I took several months off from working out - bad move - and my muscles shrunk while the fat increased. I haven't really gained any scale weight, but my body has completely changed. Because of this my wardrobe is limited, but the last thing I want to do is go out and buy bigger clothes!! So I'm taking a break from dating. No guy would ever look at me and say "hey, she needs to lose a few" - but I'm simply not comfortable in my own skin right now.

Going to meet the trainer tonight...
 
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SisterCassie is offline SisterCassie Post #10  May 13,2009, 10:57am
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I echo Trixi's comments, although I did choose to meet someone at a little less than my peak weight after a long period of inactivity. I made a point of saying I had returned to the gym and was looking forward to getting into shape but I WAS nervous about being seen in that less than comfortable condition. Turns out he also had slacked at the gym and was not in fantastic shape. I think I motivated him and meeting him motivated me to continue working out.

Well, not to be too graphic here, but as the pounds starting coming off, he seemed to notice ... I will stop there.
 
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