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treatmesweetly treatmesweetly is offline
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Like most words, "traditional" is a subjective term... and you must ask each individual for their intrepretation. I have a career, I'm working on my MBA, and I do not need (or ask about) a man's money/income. I can handle domestic chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, maintenance and small repairs), but if I'm sharing a home with a man, I expect him to do his share of that work. I don't requirea manto send the first email, make the first phone call, or ask me out on a first date (although I prefer that last one just soI know he'sinterested).


I guess where I'm traditional is... He pays for the first date (yea, I know, deal with it).I enjoy taking care of him (rub his back/shoulders, get him a beer, treat him tospecial nights out, leave notes in his coat/briefcase, wear lingerie, etc.). Sex is a healthy part of an exclusive, committedrelationship, not a way for him to compare me and the other women he dates. And if we are ever to get married, he must propose. That's my definition.
- May 9th, 2009, 11:16 pm
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lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
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eh, i guess i can't answer. i describe myself as an unholy combination of conservative and liberal. i took an internet test and came out as "cruel to small animals" conservative, but somehow this leads me to beliefs that would, seemingly, yield a swedish-style socio-political structure. like i don't believe marriage is an expression of personal affection. i don't believe in gay marriage and i don't believe in divorce. but in my unholy way, what that means is that i don't see a need for marriage if that's the sort of relationship i've got with someone, and i don't have a problem with that.
- May 9th, 2009, 11:34 pm
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writergurl writergurl is offline
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tbesq, wrote :

Many women on these boards describe themselves as "traditional" women when it comes to dating. Most times, it is in the context of expecting men to make the first move and be responsible for the progression of the dating stage into the relationship, into the marriage, etc.


It seems there are differing definitions of "traditional." One is the aforementioned. The other embraces the era to which the term "traditional"refers, before the women's liberation/gender equality movement.


So ladies...what do you think "traditional" means? Does it mean you will embrace the "traditional" role expected of women, or does it only refer to not being assertive during the dating process? Men are welcome to weigh in as well, since many men tend to have their own definition as well.
Very good question! I think you've got it pretty well figuredout. I'm aprogressive and independent woman, but am traditional in terms of not being assertive about dating. That doesn't mean that I necessarily embrace traditional gender roles, although I do recognize differences between men and woman that helped form some of the traditional roles.


Does that make me traditional? Not in any other area of life.
- May 9th, 2009, 11:59 pm
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Bandmate Bandmate is offline
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contented wrote :

Sometimes I think it's hard to be a woman at this time. We are expected to work as hard as a man (physically) to run a household ... doing all that that involves, and raise the kids with the world looking at us shaking their fingers when our kids mess up because they come from a "single parent home." I'm not saying it's not difficult to be a man, but I dont' think the womans right movement has always done us a service. I think equality is great but there are differences. I believe my daughters will have an easier time of it than previous generations. I'm not sure how many men could really handle having an indepentent woman in their life. A lot of us can manage life very well without a man in our lives, but there is something very important missing. I'm not sure if I answered your question or not. Traditional ... I've done that, didn't work, wasn't appreciated, ended up loosing myself. So I guess I want to be modern .. I want to be an equal. I want to share the work, the bills, the chores, yet still be treated special and in return treat/honour my man in special ways. (Okay, so I can dream!)
I'm intrigued by your statement about there being equality but differences,i suggest that differences can in fact create inequalities and that when a man or woman seeks to do a task that they are not eguipped for either physically or emotionally another inequality must be created to accomodate them....men and women are equal as human beings but not equal when it comes to the functions and duties of life.
- May 10th, 2009, 06:47 am
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Bandmate I just meant that there are differences between what a man and woman can do or are willing to do. I think it's very hard to know what is expected of us in a world that wants us to be a combination of all things. The boundaries are very blurry today, and many of ushave beenforced into roles that we never intended to be in. That goes for bothmen and women. I don't think that differences = inequalies. Differences are just that differences. and that can be a good thing. We were created to compliment each other, there are suppose to be differences.
- May 10th, 2009, 03:33 pm
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Bandmate wrote :


contented wrote :


Sometimes I think it's hard to be a woman at this time. We are expected to work as hard as a man (physically) to run a household ... doing all that that involves, and raise the kids with the world looking at us shaking their fingers when our kids mess up because they come from a "single parent home." I'm not saying it's not difficult to be a man, but I dont' think the womans right movement has always done us a service. I think equality is great but there are differences. I believe my daughters will have an easier time of it than previous generations. I'm not sure how many men could really handle having an indepentent woman in their life. A lot of us can manage life very well without a man in our lives, but there is something very important missing. I'm not sure if I answered your question or not. Traditional ... I've done that, didn't work, wasn't appreciated, ended up loosing myself. So I guess I want to be modern .. I want to be an equal. I want to share the work, the bills, the chores, yet still be treated special and in return treat/honour my man in special ways. (Okay, so I can dream!)


I'm intrigued by your statement about there being equality but differences,i suggest that differences can in fact create inequalities and that when a man or woman seeks to do a task that they are not eguipped for either physically or emotionally another inequality must be created to accomodate them....men and women are equal as human beings but not equal when it comes to the functions and duties of life.


Bandmate,


when you say "differences can in fact create inequalities..." you effectively sum up the last 2000 years of recorded history, in regards to gender inequality.


Men and women are biologically different to each other and as a result, historically, women have been seen as having a lesser social value.


But I don't think that when women describe themselves as "traditional" that theyare implyinga return to inequality as being ideal. Theymight actaullymean that they would prefer to be respected and aknowledged for the specific contributions that they as females can make to society, without having to endure any subsequent discrimination.


You mightwant tosay "How dare women want it both ways!" And this is what many men seem to feel. But youshould reallybe asking "How dare women want to be happy?"
- May 10th, 2009, 04:43 pm
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To me "traditional" usually means that the woman wants the man to make the first move in everything - initiating the date, making the phone calls, arranging the date, bringing flowers, paying the bills, going to work and earning the money.


I can't see myself living this way all of the time. You can't divide things up into men's work and women's work. There's a lot of give and take in a relationship and both partners have to pull their weight if it's going to work. There are obvious differences between men and women, but when you get into a relationship there are too many grey areas involved - it's hard to categorize everything by the black and white terms that "traditional" seems to imply. For example, in our economic situation today, you can't expect the husband / boyfriend / man to be the sole bread winner of the family and pay all the bills. He needs a woman's help with that. Women who expect otherwise aren't being fair to the men.
- May 10th, 2009, 05:31 pm
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Aussiegirrl wrote :

Bandmate wrote :


contented wrote :


Sometimes I think it's hard to be a woman at this time. We are expected to work as hard as a man (physically) to run a household ... doing all that that involves, and raise the kids with the world looking at us shaking their fingers when our kids mess up because they come from a "single parent home." I'm not saying it's not difficult to be a man, but I dont' think the womans right movement has always done us a service. I think equality is great but there are differences. I believe my daughters will have an easier time of it than previous generations. I'm not sure how many men could really handle having an indepentent woman in their life. A lot of us can manage life very well without a man in our lives, but there is something very important missing. I'm not sure if I answered your question or not. Traditional ... I've done that, didn't work, wasn't appreciated, ended up loosing myself. So I guess I want to be modern .. I want to be an equal. I want to share the work, the bills, the chores, yet still be treated special and in return treat/honour my man in special ways. (Okay, so I can dream!)


I'm intrigued by your statement about there being equality but differences,i suggest that differences can in fact create inequalities and that when a man or woman seeks to do a task that they are not eguipped for either physically or emotionally another inequality must be created to accomodate them....men and women are equal as human beings but not equal when it comes to the functions and duties of life.


Bandmate,


when you say "differences can in fact create inequalities..." you effectively sum up the last 2000 years of recorded history, in regards to gender inequality.


Men and women are biologically different to each other and as a result, historically, women have been seen as having a lesser social value.


But I don't think that when women describe themselves as "traditional" that theyare implyinga return to inequality as being ideal. Theymight actaullymean that they would prefer to be respected and aknowledged for the specific contributions that they as females can make to society, without having to endure any subsequent discrimination.


You mightwant tosay "How dare women want it both ways!" And this is what many men seem to feel. But youshould reallybe asking "How dare women want to be happy?"
To some people happiness means having it both ways,i as a man can't have it both ways....so why should they ??????
- May 10th, 2009, 07:49 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

bravethestorm wrote :


Personally it's one of those words the value and definition depends on the person. Depending on those values...each individual a person meets will view them as positive or negative.


That said...compared to many...I view myself as more traditional than modern. Obviously that doesn't mean I'm not using a computer, internet etc...but my values for the impersonal fast paced things aren't a priority for me.


I still like things like actual cards...letters...and the phone. Can I text? Sure but I don't like to and don't like to receive them either.


I am traditional in actually wanting to build a relationship before becoming intimate and believe sex is for marriage.


Do I believe in traditional marriage where the guy makes all the decisions? No...I simply believe two heads are better than one for solving problems and finding the best solution.


Some traditions are good...most of us like to celebrate birthdays, holidays etc. Even when it comes to dating...just because it's not exactly like you think doesn't make it wrong for someone else.


If a guy isn't good at fixing cars....is it any different than a woman that isn't a good cook? Rules or guidelines will never fit everyone.


As for who asks who out...I guess I'm modern on that as whoever asks suits me. Sure I rather the guy be the one that asks but that's just because I know he's interested not because I feel he should be the one to ask. If I'm interested I'll ask rather than waiting around wondering.





My kind of girl
BtS,


You hit the nail on the head for me. I am 51 years old, though. I would imaginemy age has a lot to do with how I define "traditional". My BFF, Webster, says it's "the handing down of opinions, doctrines, practices, rites and customs...from ancestors to descendents" (plus a little theology). From my mom, o.k., I'm good with that.


I myself, growing up during the "bra-burning years" find myself, like you, bts, a little bit traditional and a little bit open-minded. I, too, would ask a man out on a date or be the first to approach. I think that comes with maturity. I understand now that life is short. I've wasted many years in unhappy relationships, but, now I know what I want....Thanks for yourpost.


AJ
- May 11th, 2009, 12:21 am
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charlie990 charlie990 is offline
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treatmesweetly wrote :

Like most words, "traditional" is a subjective term... and you must ask each individual for their intrepretation. I have a career, I'm working on my MBA, and I do not need (or ask about) a man's money/income. I can handle domestic chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, maintenance and small repairs), but if I'm sharing a home with a man, I expect him to do his share of that work. I don't requirea manto send the first email, make the first phone call, or ask me out on a first date (although I prefer that last one just soI know he'sinterested).


I guess where I'm traditional is... He pays for the first date (yea, I know, deal with it).I enjoy taking care of him (rub his back/shoulders, get him a beer, treat him tospecial nights out, leave notes in his coat/briefcase, wear lingerie, etc.). Sex is a healthy part of an exclusive, committedrelationship, not a way for him to compare me and the other women he dates. And if we are ever to get married, he must propose. That's my definition.
Your 'definition' makes most sense to me ... a good clear explanation I'd say... expactations that you are familiar withallow other sense to come into the picture.
- May 11th, 2009, 03:47 pm
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