Dating outside of religion.


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
stevex is offline stevex Post #1  May 8,2009, 9:03pm
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile



So we have a thread going about dating outside of race. I am curious to hear about dating outside of religion. I dated a couple of Christian girls in high school, one of them broke up with me because I "didn't have faith". I am an atheist. For as long as I can remember I have lacked faith in a higher power (though there was a short period in which I made an effort and went to church, but realized I wasn't feeling it). So lately I have been seeking agnostic or atheist women. I find this to be a very tough thing to find being in Meridian, Texas. Even with a search radius of 300 miles on sites like Okcupid and Match.com I only get a small selection of matches. I have only gotten 25 matches since I joined eHarmony, and while I am in OC with one match I am not so sure it is going anywhere.


My point is, as others dated outside of religion and actually had things work out?
 
  Reply With Quote
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #2  May 8,2009, 11:55pm
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile



well, as i'm not married, i can't say "yes." but you know, even tho he's not particularly religious, i've found things much easier going in many ways with my boyfriend who's of german catholic extract like me. i dated a persian guy who'd say "i was raised in islam but islam was not raised in me"; however it would really disturb him on some non-intellectual level when i made the sign of the cross. it was also bad going when i dated this guy of presbyterian upbringing; meeting my priest was scary for him and my priest took one list of him and knew instantly his "value faults." and then there was the other protestant... we had vastly different feelings about abortion and birth control. not in terms of legality. it was that he'd say things regarding abortion, for instance, like "people make mistakes" and that totally rubbed me the wrong way.
 
  Reply With Quote
Spami is offline Spami Post #3  May 9,2009, 12:36am
Spami's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Beaverton, OR

Posts: 6

See profile

stevex, wrote :

So we have a thread going about dating outside of race. I am curious to hear about dating outside of religion. I dated a couple of Christian girls in high school, one of them broke up with me because I "didn't have faith". I am an atheist. For as long as I can remember I have lacked faith in a higher power (though there was a short period in which I made an effort and went to church, but realized I wasn't feeling it). So lately I have been seeking agnostic or atheist women. I find this to be a very tough thing to find being in Meridian, Texas. Even with a search radius of 300 miles on sites like Okcupid and Match.com I only get a small selection of matches. I have only gotten 25 matches since I joined eHarmony, and while I am in OC with one match I am not so sure it is going anywhere.


My point is, as others dated outside of religion and actually had things work out?
I think you should expand to more than just atheist women. I’m sure you will come across ignorant and intolerant women, but you just need to move on to the next. I’m sure you have the same morals and values as religious women (if not more because you’re not judging people based on religion!), and maybe you just need to express that if they seem to be frightened by the A word. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
lenemngk is offline lenemngk Post #4  May 9,2009, 1:18am
lenemngk's Avatar

is busy enjoying singledom :)

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2009

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Posts: 150

See profile



Basic stuffs about me and my dating experience in terms of religion: I am born Catholic.Still go to church every weekend because my dad forces me to, not because I want to. My ex-boyfriends were from different Christian denominations and that's never an issue. Maybe that's because we're not all that religious or really practising.


I am fine with dating outside my own religion as long as the guy doesn't try to force his religionand religious views on me nor do I want somebody who wants me to convert. I don't want to convert because I am not even all that religious when it comes to being a Catholic and am hardly practising it so why would I want a newreligion? It's really unnecessary for me.


A fact to share with all: You are required to convert into Islam if you want to marry a Muslim in Malaysia and they don't really allow you to renounce Islam even if your marriage ends. The worst is, if you happen to succeed at renouncing Islam,the Syariah court will give full custody of your children to your ex-spouse because you are no longer a Muslim and your Muslim kids should remain with their Muslim mom or dad
 
  Reply With Quote
argytunes is offline argytunes Post #5  May 9,2009, 7:23am
argytunes's Avatar

Misty and I are still trying to find a house closer to the beach

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Southern Maine

Posts: 1,005

See profile



The fact that you've already admitted that you are an atheist pretty much will determine whom you decide to get involved with.


If you look at the eharmony profiles, many of them have a specific religion, but don't actively practice it! A complication might arise if you find a mate who wants to observe a religious holiday (Christmas, Easter, Yom Kippur, etc.). But a larger complication could arise shouldthe two of you marry and have children! This could be very awkward for any child...especially if he or she interacts withclassmates who observe religious holidays!


While atheism might be a strong belief for you...the last thingyou'd want todo is to make an innocent child an outsider with schoolmates and other friends!


argytunes
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  May 9,2009, 7:31am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,743

See profile



I dated without regard for religion. In my experience, most people identify themselves as a member of a religion, but their daily lifestyle is not compliant with the requirements of their faith. That has always worked okay for me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 9,2009, 8:06am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile



This is a situation that needs to be examined on an individual basis. You will find many people who will say they are of a certain religion who do not actively proctice their religion and could care less if their match / date / mate (spouse) is of the same religion or none at all.


For me personally I want to date someone that has the same base beliefs as I have and is open to joining me at my church.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 9,2009, 8:23am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

lil_lamb,610921 wrote :

well, as i'm not married, i can't say "yes." but you know, even tho he's not particularly religious, i've found things much easier going in many ways with my boyfriend who's of german catholic extract like me. i dated a persian guy who'd say "i was raised in islam but islam was not raised in me"; however it would really disturb him on some non-intellectual level when i made the sign of the cross. it was also bad going when i dated this guy of presbyterian upbringing; meeting my priest was scary for him and my priest took one list of him and knew instantly his "value faults." and then there was the other protestant... we had vastly different feelings about abortion and birth control. not in terms of legality. it was that he'd say things regarding abortion, for instance, like "people make mistakes" and that totally rubbed me the wrong way.
I read the bolded line with some interest and feel compelled to comment even though it will likely generate a great deal of controversy. FYI, not a Catholic or Presbyterian.


Seems to me that your priest is a wee bit intolerant of non-Catholics. Thankfully many priests are not so intolerant, nor or the Catholic girls that I get matched with (which is most of my matches).


Also views on certain life issues such as birth control and abortion different from your Presbyterian match should not be construed as being the same views held by all Presbyterians or those of any particular religious denomination.


FYI, a very long time friend was in the reverse of your Catholic - Presbyterian situation. She is Presbyterian and he is Catholic. They have been happily married for over 30 years. The wedding was one of the most inspiring I have attended. They were married in her church with both her minister and his priest officiating.
 
  Reply With Quote
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  May 9,2009, 8:32am
tbesq's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,536

See profile



I think it really depends on whether your match is practicing his or her faith. Just because someone says they're Christian, or Catholic, doesn't mean that they are active in their religion. In my experience, people's religious preferences have to do more with keeping their family happy than it does keeping that individual happy. Someone who doesn't actively practice their faith but refuses to date you because you're an atheist, while entitled to their preference, is a hypocrite in my opinion.


Religion would not become a real issue for me unless we decided to get married, have children and wanted the childrento be raised in a religion. At that time I would definitely want to revisit the issue, even before we started a family.
 
  Reply With Quote
simplemind is offline simplemind Post #10  May 9,2009, 8:32am
simplemind's Avatar

comes to her favorite season--cool weather and beautiful colors.

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

St. Louis

Posts: 1,340

See profile



To me, it may not be so much about what religion, as it is how polarized their version of religionis--or isn't.


My experience of people from fundamentalist Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and even less traditional spiritual beliefs such as shamanism is that they really don't want to hear from anyone who expresses a different belief. Even those who profess to have no beliefs, if they hold to it too tightly. Am not saying all are this way, but it has been my personalexperience.


Was advised by one person that my entire family was going to H#ll because they weren't of his church. I found out that after we'd been going out awhile--andrealized that in his opinion I probably was, too. So off I merrily skipped, on my road to H#ll! ;-)


Now, I find myself gravitating to someone who believes and practices, but who doesn't damn everyone who doesn't believe what they do.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« What happened? | Dating | Two Dates and then Nothing! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:42am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0