Dating outside of religion.


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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #61  May 25,2009, 10:17am
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stevex wrote :
With my sense of adventure, and the possibility as others have suggested that people may label themselves of a certain faith and may be open minded, I have decided to select No Preference under religion on my match settings.

I have done this with several thoughts. The first being, I am just approaching 21, I have no intention to get married or have children at this point in time. I see no reason to restrict who I date because of the theoretical idea that if I ever had a child with the said person of faith it could create hardship. The second thought being, that while I have indeed had numerous women in my life react to hearing that I am not a man of faith in one of two different ways. Either one they attempt to convert me or they just plain are not interested, if on Match I am matched with a person who is of faith, clearly they can read my profile and see that I am not. The final thought is I am sure that based on the other aspects of my profile, the likelihood of being matched with a radical conservative or someone who strongly follows their faith I would think would be pretty slim. Probably one of my favorite things about eHarmony. Match and Chemistry tend to constantly match me with people who have completely different world views than myself.

So we will see what happens, and I will keep the gang here informed.
I think you are doing the right thing. I would say for myself, there were many years that I still would have identified myself as a Catholic, long after I had stopped going to church and really having any faith. I even went to Catholic school and was very involved with school activities--including religious retreats.

I have always been extremely open-minded and my decisions to reject the church eventually had a lot to do with its intolerance, particularly in the condemnation of gays who are just trying to have the same happiness as the rest of us.

It might take a lot of work going through matches to gauge the degree of faith and tolerance each has. Since you aren't getting many matches anyway, it might be worth the effort to find someone who embraces the spirit of their religion (love one another) but not the judgments and rules that go with it.
 
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Levigirl is offline Levigirl Post #62  June 10,2009, 12:31pm
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I think it's a personal preference as to how important there religious beliefs are. Someones religious preference doesn't always mean a whole heck of a lot but to others it does mean a lot. It's really hard to know that from browsing a profile. I would try the christian/other and below and see what happens. I think you really need to meet and who knows she may be able to convince you otherwise or vis versa (maybe she on the fence about the whole religious thing). I think the problem that could arise down the road in that you don't agree with each other" which could become a huge issue and very frustrating over time, especially if you decide to have children.

I don't date outside my religion. I'm not willing to go to another church (just my personal preference). However I have dated men of the same faith that will date outside our faith. Religion is just not as high on there priority list as for me. With that I'm willing to compromise in other areas i.e distance, age etc..... just one thing less that I have to worry about later on down the road.
 
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justafellow is offline justafellow Post #63  June 20,2009, 3:56pm
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I just caught this thread - didn't have time to read everyone's thoughts - so I don't know if this advice is unique. I know you're not considering marriage yet, but this advice is for when you start seeing people who you may consider for marriage.

If you're someone who needs to express your beliefs often - then you should probably date seriously only those who hold similar opinions.

If you're more someone who is like "no, I don't think there is a God, but I don't see occasions where someone expresses faith as an opportunity to correct them" - then you might find someone who is vaguely religious yet compatible. There's a big difference between people who are vocal atheists and those who've simply given up on believing in God. If you're vocal - then it's an important part of your life, and you need to find someone like-minded.

Does the thought of future children attending church bug you a lot? What about baptism? I've known some inter-religious couples who seemed quite open to each other, and weren't particularly active in their faith, but when it came time to get the kid baptized, it was a huge sticking point. (In that case, it was Jewish and Episcopalian).
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #64  June 21,2009, 10:53am
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justafellow wrote :

Does the thought of future children attending church bug you a lot? What about baptism? I've known some inter-religious couples who seemed quite open to each other, and weren't particularly active in their faith, but when it came time to get the kid baptized, it was a huge sticking point. (In that case, it was Jewish and Episcopalian).
I will certainly agree that if the other person was serious about religion and serious enough about their faith to want any possible children to be baptized than we would likely not go very far as I do not believe children should be forced into any faith. If my child was old enough to make that choice themselves and decided than it would be okay.
 
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dreamingartist is offline dreamingartist Post #65  June 24,2009, 5:03am
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Here are some issues I now know I should have considered or that I would have had to consider if I were to marry in this present era.
  • A born again believer cannot share the most important part of her life – the spiritual part – that part of her that has been united with Christ – with her husband.
  • If Christ is not the center of your husband’s life, then who or what is? (Is it yourself, your children or your spouse?)
  • If your husband’s moral values aren’t based on the Bible, then what ARE they based on? What does HE believe about controversial issues such as abortion, divorce, drugs, euthanasia?
  • Even closer to home, what does HE believe about how children should be disciplined?
  • And speaking of the children, will your husband agree with your sending them to Sunday School, taking them to church, taking part in whatever rites your church practices; or will he say that children should not be brain-washed with religion, but should be allowed to wait until they are adult, and can then make up their own minds?
  • If your husband is not familiar with the idea of having a “Quiet Time” – a time you spend in reading your Bible and talking to God – is he willing to give you the time and privacy you want for this?
  • If you going through a time when you’re not on speaking terms with God, how will you explain to your husband why you are down in the dumps, and don’t feel like talking? Because if you try to tell him, he won’t be able to understand, because in 1 Corinthians 2:14 the Bible tells us:

    The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
  • And speaking about this verse; how will he react if you tell him “I believe God wants me to join a church in a different suburb.”
  • Come to think of it, how are you going to explain any of God’s guidance?
  • How will your husband react if, as you mature in Christ, the Lord convicts you to stop certain practices that you currently have no qualms about? * Will there be any disagreement about the way you celebrate Christmas and Easter? Not every Christian makes a fuss over Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
  • Will you agree on, or argue about, things like Christmas cards (The Babe in the Manger or Santa Claus), playing Bingo, buying Lotto tickets, watching R-rated shows on the TV, etc.?
  • What if he wants to go to – or even take you to – erotic floor-shows, etc? Since you are Christ’s, He indwells you. So Christ goes wherever you go.
  • What if he buys you sex manuals that suggest that things like “threesomes” are fun?
  • If you decline to watch television shows you find offensive, will your husband understand, or will he feel that in rejecting that show, you are rejecting him?
  • Has your husband had any involvement with the occult? Does he believe that astrology, fortune telling, ouija boards etc, are just innocent fun? Is he a member of a secret society?
  • hat if his family’s life style is different from yours?
  • If you believe in giving 10% (often called a “tithe”), of your earnings to the church, how will your husband feel about it?
  • What will happen when your husband’s planned activities for Sunday are on at the same time as your church’s services? Who gets to use the car?
  • What do YOU see as being the respective roles of husband and wife? Does your husband agree with you?
  • When a major decision has to be made, who will have the final say, and on what principles will that decision be made?
  • One example of this could well be your children’s schooling. If you want to send your children to a Christian school, will your spouse: a) Agree to this? b) Be willing to share the financial burden involved?
  • How will your husband’s indifference to the Lord affect your own spiritual growth? (How greatly – and how adversely – this affected me will show up more in Marriage in a Minor Key. The over-riding phrase as far as I was concerned was “bitterness towards God”.)
  • Are you quietly saying to yourself: “I really love this person, and I know that he is a good-hearted person. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he comes to know the Lord”? Many people have been mistaken about this.
  • Does he say that, although he doesn’t believe in God, he’s happy for you to be as religious as you want to? Do you know what God’s word says about people who don’t believe in Him? Psalm 53 says:

    The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good.
  • Do you REALLY want to marry a fool?
  • With so many homes these days not only having personal computers, but also having access to the Internet, will your husband agree with you as to what kind of information to download to your hard-drive? I’m not thinking only of obvious things like pornography. I am also thinking of material that is, by its very nature, anti-Christian., e.g. anything to do with the occult.
 
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