How do you tell if a guy is sweet talking you or really complimenting you???


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MCP is offline MCP Post #21  April 24,2008, 3:33pm
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I just got out of a relationship where he was highly complimentary sometimes he overdid it. I met him just after my divorce and so, fell for it hook line and sinker. Please know that this guy might be completely sincere, but the reality is that if someone is telling you everything that you want to hear/they think you want to hear it isn't sincere. Sincerity is from the heart and it is intermixed in a healthy relationship with differing points of view, etc.

I do agree with the gals who have said that you do have to be able to take a compliment though. I'll admit I don't know what to say when I get a compliment on my eyes, personality, etc., but most of the time, it makes me feel warm. I think that all of us must learn to love ourselves first and be able to acknowledge our faults, then when a compliment comes, we are better able to accept it.

My first thought is thatyour guyseems like a nice guy. In a recent post I did, someone told me that the next guy shouldn't pay for what the last guy treated me like. They are so right! Maybe, like me, it is time to dig deep and go through some self-reflection about why you wouldn't be able to take the compliment without wondering if it was a sham. I do believe that there are genuine, caring people out there!

Good luck to you!
 
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beataday is offline beataday Post #22  April 24,2008, 4:31pm
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Martini11,88734 wrote :
themeindzeye,88731 wrote :

When he talks to you, is he really talking -to you- or is he just making surface comments and not bothering to try to get to know you as a person? When he looks at you, where is he looking? Does he seem genuinely interested or is he just blowing off what you have to say and distracting you with pretty words and colorful compliments? If he's just looking to get into your pants, he's not going to bother with you as a person, and he's going to try to steer things toward an intimate encounter really soon.

Don't give everyone the cold shoulder. Somebody might actually be interested you and complimenting you, but you're letting your fear hold them at arm's length. Really pay attention to how guys are interacting with you, and this will tell you quite a bit about what they're after.
Thanks for the advie. He reall is trying to get to know me as a person. He asks a lot about me; my job, education, friends family etc...I am trying hard not to give the cold shoulder. I guess I don't want to be nieve and fall for the wrong person
If you're attracted this man than I don't see that you've any problem. I rather have someone that I like to tell me that I'm handsom and smart instead of ugly and stupid[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif[/img] JUST SET YOUR OWN PACE, and if he's sincere he'll stick around.The compliments is should just be the comformation of what you already know.

I don't think anyone can tell you who's theright guy to fall for (maybe your mother[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif[/img]).Everyone will have to go thru that uncertainty and only time and experiences will tell.Just have fun as understood ityou'rein your twenties, so time is on your side.Good luck, sound like you're in the right track.
 
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RC_Cinci is offline RC_Cinci Post #23  April 24,2008, 5:58pm
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Tinderbox,88945 wrote :
RC_Cinci,88791 wrote :
I'd guess 90% of the compliments that a guy gives aren't genuine. Even when two guys talk, the rare compliments that are given tend to just be ways to curry favor or establish the social hierarchy.
That's nonsense. I have no doubt that it's true of players and salesmen-type personalities, but not all guys are not like that.
All I'm saying here is: that second not looks an awful lot like a Freudian slip...

And, come on, "I prefer to be around people who are positive and a good example for me to follow or learn from, who have good character and values, not just good 'game'," isfound in a number of self-helpbooks.Of course, that doesn't mean it isn't true...
 
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RC_Cinci is offline RC_Cinci Post #24  April 24,2008, 6:40pm
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Tinderbox,88981 wrote :

The problem I have with the "seduction community", as it's so charmingly named, is not the building of male self-confidence and assertiveness aspects, which are good things. It's the focus on sex, scoring, and "sealing the deal" as fast as possible. It's so utterly short-sighted and appeals to the most prurient, quick-fix impulses of both men and women.

[...]

I knew Neil Strauss ("The Game") casually in the early 90s, as a friend of a friend at Columbia. He was a nice, kind of shy and quiet guy. It disgusts me to see what he's done with his life since then and his sleazy promotion of the pickup artist lifestyle. The perception is one of sleaze, not of male empowerment.

[...]

The game is an illusion if you have nothing serious ultimately to offer beyond it. And it's easy to score if you have no standards and will sleep with anything, but so what? There are plenty of women open to a shallow approach because they are shallow themselves, and it's no accomplishment to charm and hook them. It's a stunted, adolescent form of interaction for both sexes.
The thing about the material in_The Game_ and other similar books is... it generally works. Rail against it all you want, it is both effective and constantly being used. The fact that this discussion was even started is proof of that. I think people should arm themselves with the knowledge of what's really going on around them, rather than just being manipulated left and right.

Specifically on Strauss and his book.. I'm not sure what Amazon review or Wiki entry you read on it, but I thought it was excellent. ;p I would have loved to have read a modified version in which the self-help aspects were removed and the story was expanded (oh, wait, this is supposed to be autobiographical! I forgot! . Strauss' thoughts on the pros and cons of "The Game" at the end were interesting, though his ultimateconclusion that the techniques he learned were necessary to connect to and maintain his love interestseemed forced.
 
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socialdistortion is offline socialdistortion Post #25  April 26,2008, 8:49am
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The way to tell is def if the guy listens to you when you speak and shares a bit about himself..... otherwise the compliment was just to get you into bed..go by body language too thats another good way to tell what his intentions are although some can be misleading...
 
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