We're in open communication, but match won't use regular email


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Wondering_Nomad is offline Wondering_Nomad Post #11  May 1,2009, 9:14pm
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University Assignment in - time for a short break me thinks.....

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What is the difference from mail on here to personal email....I would be more inclined to start considering a phone call.





I do understand the need to feel SAFE though.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #12  May 1,2009, 9:18pm
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I'll just state the obvious here, she's messed up from her divorce and is not really ready to start dating. She can't even share her email address with you, much less talk on the phone or meet in person.


You can try to tiptoe around her timidness and possibly convince her after a long time to give out an email, but frankly you won't get able to develop a relationship with her. She just got divorced so she's hurting way too much to handle risking being hurt again.


No, wish her good luck and close her out.
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #13  May 1,2009, 9:19pm
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BlueEyedVal,601388 wrote :

sc4me, wrote :


I've been in open communication for 2 weeks with a match. Twice I've offered my personal email address to bypass the awkwared eH email system. The first time she ignored it. She is recently divorced so I asked her if she thought she was ready to date. She answered yes. In my next reply I put my email address at the top, right after "Hi ........"


Next reply she ignores the offer again. So now I've written and asked her why she isn't willing to go to regular email. I have not heard back on that one. Methinks she is NOT ready to date and is just dipping her toe in by using eH. I don't think she is playing a game, but just super cautious.


Or am I being naive?


At what point should I call it quits? Should I just stop answering her emails? (gaming which I don't like) or just be honest and say, "I'm ready to move on and you don't seem to be. You have my email address anytime you'd like to contact me. Please don't be offended but I am going to close our match."


Too blunt?


I like it, but it is a little blunt. You could soften it just a little:


"I'm ready to move on, but I'm getting the feeling from you that you're hesitant. If there's a reason you dont want to email me directly, could you let me know? Otherwise, you have my email address and can contact me there, which I would really enjoy. If I dont hear from you by x-date, I'll go ahead and close our match - no hard feelings."


That way she has to respond by either telling you why she doesn't want to email personally, or by emailing you. Then, if she doesn't respond to THAT? I say close. It's unfortunate, but maybe you're right: maybe she's just not ready.

I like that. I do need to soften it up a little. Hey, where were you the last time I had to do something like this. I could have used your help.


Problem is a bit more than that now,and honestly I just realized this as I asked for the advice and read the responses. I'm not really that attracted her. I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I open her emails. Quite honestly, there is someone else I know that does give me butterflies. I mean big butterflies. I haven't met either one of them so they stand on equal ground. One gives me butterflies and the other does not. (No, it's not indigestion LOL)


I need to feel butterflies.


I think I need to bow out and close the match. Even though the other person will probably never be a part of my life, it made me realize that is how I need to feel. Excited, young, exhilirated. and yes, butterfies; excitement at the thought I might have an email from her.


The woman on eH ... well, its like going through the motions just because we made it to open.


Cr@p .... excuse my french, but I need to do something about this soon. I can think of no good reason to meet, and I probably would not.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #14  May 1,2009, 9:33pm

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Sweet and gentle wins everytime. She may have been very emotionally abused by her ex husband and you came across like a bully boy like her old man, which is not what she needed. She wanted to feel safe and secure and you pushed her panic button and no she is not ready to date at this time.


Harvey7.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #15  May 1,2009, 9:42pm
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I personally see no difference in e-mailing through the site & e-mailing on personal e-mail. Is the communication somehow better if it were a personal e-mail? Is that some sort of sign thatwe are moving somewhere? I don't see it.


I would howevernot like tobe e-mailing very much at all before meeting.


2 weeks is notsuch an excessive amount of time to be e-mailing though.I would recommend a little bit more patience. Also,in the meantime, I would be open toother relationships as well.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #16  May 1,2009, 9:47pm
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OP I have a similar situation. I have a match and have gotten to the meeting in person point and she gave me her phone number. I have offered my regular e-mail but she has continued to use the eHarmony e-mail for written communication.
 
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valencia is offline valencia Post #17  May 1,2009, 9:47pm
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sc4me, wrote :

I've been in open communication for 2 weeks with a match. Twice I've offered my personal email address to bypass the awkwared eH email system. The first time she ignored it. She is recently divorced so I asked her if she thought she was ready to date. She answered yes. In my next reply I put my email address at the top, right after "Hi ........"


Next reply she ignores the offer again. So now I've written and asked her why she isn't willing to go to regular email. I have not heard back on that one. Methinks she is NOT ready to date and is just dipping her toe in by using eH. I don't think she is playing a game, but just super cautious.


Or am I being naive?


At what point should I call it quits? Should I just stop answering her emails? (gaming which I don't like) or just be honest and say, "I'm ready to move on and you don't seem to be. You have my email address anytime you'd like to contact me. Please don't be offended but I am going to close our match."


Too blunt?
Some women are afraid to use their regular email address in case it all doesn't work out. Ask her to create an email address at gmail or any other free service for the purpose of communication.I have had friends create a new email address for personal correspondence in case of an "IF". FMy friends say it makes them feel safer...as for me, I use my email address, but everyone is different and has different comfort zones...


Do not close her out...wait a bit and see how it work out....
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #18  May 1,2009, 9:49pm
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Yeah, I see it as a step in the right direction. As a small step. I thought it was pretty innocuous and the logical next step.


But its a moot point now. I'm not going to pursue the relationship. I can't. I don't feel any chemistry via email. Just her talking about her day in court.


Kinda turned me off frankly. A brief mention would have been fine, but a blow by blow description was a little much.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #19  May 1,2009, 9:51pm
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bigfincat,601815 wrote :

I personally see no difference in e-mailing through the site & e-mailing on personal e-mail. Is the communication somehow better if it were a personal e-mail? Is that some sort of sign thatwe are moving somewhere? I don't see it.


I would howevernot like tobe e-mailing very much at all before meeting.


2 weeks is notsuch an excessive amount of time to be e-mailing though.I would recommend a little bit more patience. Also,in the meantime, I would be open toother relationships as well.
I don't view moving to personal e-mail as an indication of anything relationship wise. But for me using Outlook works a lot better than the eHarmony system.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #20  May 1,2009, 10:00pm
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sc4me,601773 wrote :

sc4me, wrote :


I've been in open communication for 2 weeks with a match. Twice I've offered my personal email address...


[edit]


At what point should I call it quits?


[edit]


Problem is a bit more than that now,and honestly I just realized this as I asked for the advice and read the responses.


[edit]


I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I open her emails. Quite honestly, there is someone else I know that does give me butterflies. I mean big butterflies. I haven't met either one of them so they stand on equal ground. One gives me butterflies and the other does not. (No, it's not indigestion LOL)


I need to feel butterflies.


I think I need to bow out and close the match. Even though the other person will probably never be a part of my life, it made me realize that is how I need to feel. Excited, young, exhilirated. and yes, butterfies; excitement at the thought I might have an email from her.


The woman on eH ... well, its like going through the motions just because we made it to open.
I sat in awe as I read this, sc. To realize the need,how it is not being met--and then to determine to take action. Cannot think of a more admirable set of traits in anyone, male or female.


Go for your butterflies.


It has to start somewhere, and where better than this?
 
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