sc4me is offline sc4me Post #21  April 30,2009, 5:54pm
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Jacquiem,599712 wrote :

neardc,599657 wrote :


Very lightweight article. The phrase "Christians and other morally-minded singles" is also a bit offensive somehow. Don't we all have morals or values of one type or another? Why single out Christians? There are plenty of people from other religions (as well as atheists/agnostics or other non-religious people) who have a clear sense of morality that they adhere to.


hey, neardc (I'm IN DC!). I took the part of the statement "other morally-minded singles" to include people of other faiths or people who adhere to no particular faith but are, well,morally-minded.


I don't, however, believe we all have morals and/or values.Unless hedonism, narcissism, and selfishness are considered values these days.


Think in terms of people whobelieve that it's okay to do things if it feels good to them regardless of the consequences to themselves or others.
Jacqui, that's the problem with throwing around the word "values." Heck Hitler had "values." That is just something we believe in - like you said, could be hedonism. The words moral, ethical, and virtuous imply a "good" person. No one would describe Hitler with any of those words.


Also, no one in this life has lock on virtues. Like the post by the woman above who said she had her beliefs and if men didn't like them she gave them permission to dump her. Pardon the expression, but BS!! Her beliefs are right and everyone elses are wrong? Thats a great Christian sentiment. I believe the Bible says that Jesus came to save sinners. He didn't care much for the self-righteous.


There's a great book by a great Christian (in my opinion) entitled, "More Jesus, Less Religion." He makes the case persuasively that most churches, denominations and people have lost sight of who Jesus really was and is. It has become about how big our building can be, how much money we can squeeze out of the congregation, and how big a band we can put up front with 14 projectors and a jazzed out sound system. He also mentions that he considers post-modern Christianity to be filled with narcissism. (or maybe that was a different book.)


I tend to agree. I have absolutely no lock on virtue. I'm the biggest sinner that ever lived -- even though I try very hard not to. Pride, arrogance, self-righteousness .... all those things are sins too. Not just premarital sex.


Thanks for your post. You are right on.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #22  May 9,2009, 4:15pm
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sc4me,600113 wrote :

Jacquiem,599712 wrote :


neardc,599657 wrote :


Very lightweight article. The phrase "Christians and other morally-minded singles" is also a bit offensive somehow. Don't we all have morals or values of one type or another? Why single out Christians? There are plenty of people from other religions (as well as atheists/agnostics or other non-religious people) who have a clear sense of morality that they adhere to.


hey, neardc (I'm IN DC!). I took the part of the statement "other morally-minded singles" to include people of other faiths or people who adhere to no particular faith but are, well,morally-minded.


I don't, however, believe we all have morals and/or values.Unless hedonism, narcissism, and selfishness are considered values these days.


Think in terms of people whobelieve that it's okay to do things if it feels good to them regardless of the consequences to themselves or others.


Jacqui, that's the problem with throwing around the word "values." Heck Hitler had "values." That is just something we believe in - like you said, could be hedonism. The words moral, ethical, and virtuous imply a "good" person. No one would describe Hitler with any of those words.


Also, no one in this life has lock on virtues. Like the post by the woman above who said she had her beliefs and if men didn't like them she gave them permission to dump her. Pardon the expression, but BS!! Her beliefs are right and everyone elses are wrong? Thats a great Christian sentiment. I believe the Bible says that Jesus came to save sinners. He didn't care much for the self-righteous.


There's a great book by a great Christian (in my opinion) entitled, "More Jesus, Less Religion." He makes the case persuasively that most churches, denominations and people have lost sight of who Jesus really was and is. It has become about how big our building can be, how much money we can squeeze out of the congregation, and how big a band we can put up front with 14 projectors and a jazzed out sound system. He also mentions that he considers post-modern Christianity to be filled with narcissism. (or maybe that was a different book.)


I tend to agree. I have absolutely no lock on virtue. I'm the biggest sinner that ever lived -- even though I try very hard not to. Pride, arrogance, self-righteousness .... all those things are sins too. Not just premarital sex.


Thanks for your post. You are right on.



I am not a Christian and I am not offended by this article. As Jacquiem and sc4me say, we all have our moral standards- even what I would consider amorality (lying, thieving, killing, and so on), and no religion has a monopoly on morals. I believe that to accommodate all of our disparate values, EHA *had* to be a bit vague. Judging from the difficulty I’ve had in finding an acceptable mate, it certainly is a problem.


I’ve been dumped, separated, left, and dissociated from for varying reasons, but here’s some particular gems:


"You’re obsessed with duty!" (I refused to break my word, namely that I’d help a friend move, to satisfy her desires after the fact)


"You’re no fun!" (I don’t want to smoke pot, get drunk, and "hang out" with the girlfriend’s band- I do not call that fun.)


"You’re too straight!" (The girl in question was tired of her boyfriend and wanted to hook up with me- *while she was still dating.* I thought this showed a certain lack of fidelity and, sadly, declined.)


I was once told that if I did, indeed, have morals that the place to go to find a woman of similar ideals was the local church. Disappointingly, this is not always the case either. All too often it seems that people gloss over their motives or begin the slippery slide down the moral slope in a "just this once" case one time too many. How many of you know people who have cheated in a relationship? Know people of the opposite sex you wouldn’t want to introduce to your son/daughter/sister/brother? Know people you otherwise respect but continue to do things in a relationship that you think are just morally wrong?


Perhaps it’s just the people that I know, in particular. But it does seem to me that finding someone who has that strength of moral character (specifically honesty, fidelity, common sense, humor, y’know, what everybody says they want?) is indeed difficult. That is one of the reasons that I joined eharmony. I have found that there are indeed respectable and praiseworthy women of this kind- in Alaska, Canada, California (I live on the east coast, *grin*)… Perhaps someday I’ll find one closer to home.


To be completely clear: if I *was* a Christian I would be competing for that worst-sinner-of-all-slot with sc4me- among my many sins is rambling, as you can see. *grin*
 
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saffronnsomag is offline saffronnsomag Post #23  June 7,2009, 11:12pm
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EHarmony should immediately change the pitch line on this article, which is beyond-the-bounds intolerant in its language.  I'm not Christian, and I'm quite morally minded, thank you.  This sentence puts Christians at the center of a moral universe (oh and there are a few "others").  EHarmony, please choose not to insult your own clients and correct this.  Thank you.
 
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jesusfreak_88 is offline jesusfreak_88 Post #24  June 14,2009, 2:17pm
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The article (on Comcast at least) was entitled "Guide to Christian dating." If you're a Christian, then you click, if not, then you don't. If an article is written for a specific audience, then don't complain that it's not written for more people! That's not the point!

It was pretty lightweight, but if you have high standards (like a lot of my friends) then you wait, and wait, and wait until someone comes along and you engage them. For Christians it's more difficult because we've been told to be self-controlled and guard ourselves, and relationships seem messy (I think).

Idk, but don't complain that an article was written for it's target audience.
 
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Angel2150 is offline Angel2150 Post #25  February 5,2011, 11:39pm
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This is a little different than prior posts. I want to know about other people's experiences during OC. A guy who seemed like a good match made a habit of adding something smutty or suggestive each time he emailed rather than taking my profile and trying to get to know me better. I tried to ignore it, joke it off. A week and a half after meeting him I broke off the relationship for several reasons. He told me I was such a prude at my age (58) and the church lady. Is smutty talk common in the initial emails? Believe me, I am not a prude, but I do look for polite conversation when I first meet someone.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #26  February 6,2011, 8:31am
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Angel2150 wrote :
This is a little different than prior posts. I want to know about other people's experiences during OC. A guy who seemed like a good match made a habit of adding something smutty or suggestive each time he emailed rather than taking my profile and trying to get to know me better. I tried to ignore it, joke it off. A week and a half after meeting him I broke off the relationship for several reasons. He told me I was such a prude at my age (58) and the church lady. Is smutty talk common in the initial emails? Believe me, I am not a prude, but I do look for polite conversation when I first meet someone.
You have every right to close someone out in the first stages if they make you feel uncomfortable or you feel you are not a match.
Dont put up with that kind of behavior.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #27  February 6,2011, 8:40am
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Angel2150 wrote :
...made a habit of adding something smutty or suggestive each time he emailed...
This is a good sign he was more interested in a physical relationship than anything else. That's when the emails can be a good screen, to see if your ideas mesh. But remember, there's playful flirting, and there's lascivious intent. Only you can determine which you are getting from this guy when he emails. If it sets off your comfort-level detector, then he may not be the right match for you, and you should not feel hesitant about closing him.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #28  February 6,2011, 9:20am
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Jacquiem wrote :
I tell potential dates that while I don't have a problem with R rated movies per se, I'm not comfortable with movies that have excessive profanity or sex in them (I check the reviews online). A few curse words and an exposed cheek or two is tolerable. Sailor dialogue and full frontal for 5 minutes - too much for me. Violence I'm okay with, I like a good explosion!

This is what is wrong with the world today.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #29  February 6,2011, 10:05am
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Angel2150 wrote :
This is a little different than prior posts. I want to know about other people's experiences during OC. A guy who seemed like a good match made a habit of adding something smutty or suggestive each time he emailed rather than taking my profile and trying to get to know me better. I tried to ignore it, joke it off. A week and a half after meeting him I broke off the relationship for several reasons. He told me I was such a prude at my age (58) and the church lady. Is smutty talk common in the initial emails? Believe me, I am not a prude, but I do look for polite conversation when I first meet someone.
Hi Angel and welcome to EHA!

Smutty talk in emails happens; I wouldn't say it's common. You have every right to restrict your email/phone/in-person contacts to what you're comfortable with.

Ignoring/joking about it probably isn't a strong enough response though. You can still be nice, and say "no". Something like "Hey! We haven't even met yet ... let's save sexual innuendo for when we actually know each other, ok?" ... something that doesn't lecture, trash, belittle, humiliate him, but makes it clear you don't want that contact with a stranger.

Or ... and this would be my personal approach: just stop the contact. To me a guy who will do that has vastly different sexual boundaries and attitudes from mine, so it's not gonna work, longterm, anyway.

Better luck next time!

PS There's a distinct lack of class in him calling you a prude/church lady because your sexual attitudes are different from his. Forget about it.
 
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