Are You Dating A Fixer-Upper?

Are You Dating A Fixer-Upper?

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Are You Dating A Fixer-Upper?


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lilbangladesh is offline lilbangladesh Post #21  December 17,2009, 6:19am
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I don't date fixer-uppers as a rule. And unfortunately, most men are fixer-uppers. I just don't have the time for it. And my best friend (male) says that's why I'm still single. Apparently, most women find a man they think sort of fits the bill and then they get to work. Frankly, I find the whole exercise demeaning. And when I mean fixer-uppers, I'm not talking about stuff that's easy to change, like, say, personal living habits, but stuff like how they treat people. That's also amenable to change, but that takes a LOT more work than merely getting a guy to pick up his socks or throw out his couch. I just don't have years to throw away of being treated thoughtlessly while I train him how to be in a relationship. And with the vast majority of men, you have to do this.
Now I'm dating a guy that is not a fixer-upper. There are things about him that I guess I would like to be different, but it's stuff that he can't change, and if you are talking about relationship quality, rather than mere personal preference, he shouldn't have to change because it affects the quality of the relationship not a whit. In fact, I'm beginning to realize that I'm the fixer-upper in this relationship. He's basically working on me to change my slovenly personal habits, which I'm totally open to changing because frankly, no one should have to put up with my mess. I'm just really clueless about how to clean it up. What worries me is that I haven't been the most emotionally available with him, though I think it has to do with the fact that I'm so busy right now, I have nothing left to give. I'm hoping that will change when my schedule eases up. If it doesn't, the kinder thing may be to let him go. Which would be unfortunate because he's a great guy. Unlike most men, he actually makes my life easier.
 
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vrcarrington is offline vrcarrington Post #22  December 17,2009, 11:14am
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Word from the wise: If you walk down the aisle, and then expect to walk back down the aisle with someone else after saying I do, THEN YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE!
If you can't accept them just as they are, then don't make everyone miserable by trying to make them something else.
On a different slant - I've heard so many times I fell in love with him/her because he/she was: A hard worker/sexy and charming/ etc. then end up hating their spouse for the exact same reason - because they work all of the time and are sexy and charming to everyone else. The person didn't change but those same qualities can be viewed as postive/negative after time.
 
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Sylvertech is offline Sylvertech Post #23  October 10,2010, 7:35am
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about the second scenario with the troubled girl; I know such a girl and this scenario truly applies to me: what do i do?
 
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