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majorqt75 is offline majorqt75 Post #1  April 22,2009, 5:06am
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I started talking toa guy about 2 months ago from another online site...in the beginning when we were suppose to meet, he canceled, due to the fact that he has his daughter fulltime, we did eventually meet about a month ago, and this weekend he had me over for dinner and i met his little girl. I spent the night, but nothing happened. I found out last night is that he hasa new ad on the online dating site where we met, no picture, but its definaltly him, when I met him he was advertising for a long term, now on this new ad, it's dating and looking for "FUN". Seeing how were not a couple, and only seen each other 3 times, but he does text me a few times a day, and MSN when he can, do i say anything or let this bottle up? I really like him.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  April 22,2009, 6:41am
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Right now you are not in a position in your relationship to expect anything. He's allowed until you guys are "exclusive" to advertise for sex or anything else.


Be happy with what is good about the relationship. If it progresses then you will have the right to expect that he's not flagging down women.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #3  April 22,2009, 7:00am
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yes what dd said.


To your "nothing happened" comment was really smart and I would keep it that way until there is an exclusive discussion, which may never occur with this man. You should keep dating others as well.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #4  April 22,2009, 7:03am
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DDjr,589039 wrote :

Right now you are not in a position in your relationship to expect anything. He's allowed until you guys are "exclusive" to advertise for sex or anything else.


Be happy with what is good about the relationship. If it progresses then you will have the right to expect that he's not flagging down women.
"He's allowed to advertise for sex or anything else?" Not if you told me you were looking for a long-term relationship, you're not. Not with me in the picture. This just strikes me as wrong. If on one site you advertise you are looking for a long-term relationship, you meet someone you want to spend time with, go out a few times, but then put up another profile advertising "just for fun," you're being disingenuous to someone somewhere. This is smarmy. There is nothing to be happy about someone who is obviously not telling the truth and trying to play both ends. If he likes this one woman enough to keep seeing her, why is he posting another profile advertising for "fun?" And if he's not sure if he likes her that much, be honest about that, cut out the spending the night and introducing the kids, becasue that DEFINITELY sends a message contrary to anything casual. If she has suspicions about something amiss, there is not a danged thing to be happy about in this mess. how do you progress from duplicity?


On the other hand, OP, you may be misreading things. How are youknow for sure, if there is no picture, that the "for fun" profile is your guy?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  April 22,2009, 7:08am
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Jacquiem,589060 wrote :


DDjr,589039 wrote :


Right now you are not in a position in your relationship to expect anything. He's allowed until you guys are "exclusive" to advertise for sex or anything else.


Be happy with what is good about the relationship. If it progresses then you will have the right to expect that he's not flagging down women.


"He's allowed to advertise for sex or anything else?" Not if you told me you were looking for a long-term relationship, you're not. Not with me in the picture. This just strikes me as wrong. If on one site you advertise you are looking for a long-term relationship, you meet someone you want to spend time with, go out a few times, but then put up another profile advertising "just for fun," you're being disingenuous to someone somewhere. This is smarmy. There is nothing to be happy about someone who is obviously not telling the truth and trying to play both ends. If he likes this one woman enough to keep seeing her, why is he posting another profile advertising for "fun?" And if he's not sure if he likes her that much, be honest about that, cut out the spending the night and introducing the kids, becasue that DEFINITELY sends a message contrary to anything casual. If she has suspicions about something amiss, there is not a danged thing to be happy about in this mess. how do you progress from duplicity?


On the other hand, OP, you may be misreading things. How are youknow for sure, if there is no picture, that the "for fun" profile is your guy?


+1...


I will also add that having you 'spend the night' was his way to 'test' (which I really dislike game playing)...and see if you are going to provide the 'fun' part..and agree that he wants to have different women providing different things for him if this turns out to be an actual fact about the profile..


It's your choice whether you want to accept this type of behavior..which isn't wrong for him...it's whether it's 'right' for you..
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  April 22,2009, 7:09am
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I agree with the others opinion. Right now youhave no right to expect himto date just youjust has he has no right to expect you to wait for him. Until you are exclusive play the field, enjoy yourself. You might just find the Mr. Right waiting for youto answer his text. Good luck
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 22,2009, 8:04am
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You are definitely in an odd situation. It's too soon for you to be able to say anything to him, on the other hand you are correct to question his actions. One thing that I do wonder about is how do you know it's his profile?


Either way, if you like him, then proceed with caution and keep your eyes open and if not drop him and move on. Also, be sure you keep your options open and continue seeing other people until your relationship with him develops further.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #8  April 22,2009, 8:38am
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Ingytravel,589064 wrote :

Jacquiem,589060 wrote :


DDjr,589039 wrote :


Right now you are not in a position in your relationship to expect anything. He's allowed until you guys are "exclusive" to advertise for sex or anything else.


Be happy with what is good about the relationship. If it progresses then you will have the right to expect that he's not flagging down women.


"He's allowed to advertise for sex or anything else?" Not if you told me you were looking for a long-term relationship, you're not. Not with me in the picture. This just strikes me as wrong. If on one site you advertise you are looking for a long-term relationship, you meet someone you want to spend time with, go out a few times, but then put up another profile advertising "just for fun," you're being disingenuous to someone somewhere. This is smarmy. There is nothing to be happy about someone who is obviously not telling the truth and trying to play both ends. If he likes this one woman enough to keep seeing her, why is he posting another profile advertising for "fun?" And if he's not sure if he likes her that much, be honest about that, cut out the spending the night and introducing the kids, becasue that DEFINITELY sends a message contrary to anything casual. If she has suspicions about something amiss, there is not a danged thing to be happy about in this mess. how do you progress from duplicity?


On the other hand, OP, you may be misreading things. How are youknow for sure, if there is no picture, that the "for fun" profile is your guy?


+1...


I will also add that having you 'spend the night' was his way to 'test' (which I really dislike game playing)...and see if you are going to provide the 'fun' part..and agree that he wants to have different women providing different things for him if this turns out to be an actual fact about the profile..


It's your choice whether you want to accept this type of behavior..which isn't wrong for him...it's whether it's 'right' for you..
Yeah, maybe it's just that I've meet too many men online who put on their profiles "looking fora long-term relationship/marriage" when what they REALLY wanted was a plaything that makes me very, very leery of this guy if he actually does have these two profiles up. These guys just know the right thing to put on their profile to get that additional interest from women - the promise of a relationship that could lead to marriage.


Yes, after three dates and a sleepover it is too early to expect an exclusive relationship, but it's never too early to expect and demand honesty.You're ALWAYS in a position to expect that. THAT'S why I'd be wary of him. Not so much that he's dating other people, but because posting two conflicting profiles is not honest.
 
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majorqt75 is offline majorqt75 Post #9  April 22,2009, 8:45am
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He took down the ad we met off of prior to us meeting. I just don't know if asking him if he's seeing anyone else is being pushy. Or tell him the truth, do to my past expiernces I was looking at ads, and there was one that I swear up and down is him.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #10  April 22,2009, 9:04am
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Jacquiem,589156 wrote :

Yeah, maybe it's just that I've meet too many men online who put on their profiles "looking for a long-term relationship/marriage" when what they REALLY wanted was a plaything that makes me very, very leery of this guy if he actually does have these two profiles up. These guys just know the right thing to put on their profile to get that additional interest from women - the promise of a relationship that could lead to marriage.


...
You can't do much about guys who lie about their intentions. "You pays your money and you takes your chances."


Understand, though, that just because someone IS SERIOUS about a LTR, doesn't mean that they're not open to sex for sex sake if it comes along. (And depending of the dating site might be looking for it - I think that if someone is using EH to get sex they're being foolish - EH is difficult enough to just find a date.)
 
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