desertdune is offline desertdune Post #1  April 22,2009, 4:42am
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I'm confused ;-)


As a solopreneur I often meet men through work, but these are events and so have a casual, social feel. Early in the conversation I'm often asked "are you married? have kids?" I would normally think of that as small talk and not attach anything to it.


Lately, though, in the second or third conversation backgrounds come up and the fact that I was raised near New York City and still go back to visit arises. Invariably he'll comment "maybe we should go up there sometime."


Is this fishing? Are they checking out whether I'm interested? Wouldn't it be appropriate to go on a date first?!?!
 
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mermaid2244 is offline mermaid2244 Post #2  April 22,2009, 5:07am
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Say "I don't know, shouldn't we discuss that over dinner?"


Of course, only if you're interested back.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 22,2009, 6:23am
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Well once again the OP has nothing in her profile to help in answering this question so I will have to make some wild assumptions.


Yes you should spend a bit of time getting to know someone before you go on a trip together. The normal method of getting to know someone would be through dating. And yes I would say that these guys are fishing to see if you are interested. It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


Now if you live close to NYC and going there would be a normal commute for an evening out then going to NYC could then be considered at the first date. For me going to NYC would cost $hundreds, take several hours and require a plane. Besides I have been to NYC and would certainly not wish to go again unless absolutely necessary.
 
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desertdune is offline desertdune Post #4  April 22,2009, 6:40am
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Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :

It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.
thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.
 
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noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #5  April 22,2009, 6:59am
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desertdune,589038 wrote :

Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :


It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.
You should not assume that he's not a man of honor. Believe me, the slimy ones can't hide for long. You'll have to find out what he's looking for, with subtlety, of course.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  April 22,2009, 8:26am
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They are fishing, they are not actually asking you to go. It is a potential opener for a conversation about travel, vacations, hobbies, interests that would lead him to ask youon a date. A quick witty response may work well too if you are interested in him. If you are not, you can always ignore the remark.


Either way, I would not jump to any conclusions (asper some post on here)that the guy is somehow a jerk trying to get into your pants - pretty unkind actually. It's hard enough for men to find a way to ask you out, don't make them out to be automaticjerks for trying. If you continue to talk to him andit becomes clear that he is a jerk, you can alwayswalk away- it's easy to do.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #7  April 22,2009, 12:50pm
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noseyparker,589055 wrote :

desertdune,589038 wrote :


Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :


It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.


You should not assume that he's not a man of honor. Believe me, the slimy ones can't hide for long. You'll have to find out what he's looking for, with subtlety, of course.

Well... if I have never even had a date with a woman, I would never suggest going on a trip that would require an overnight stay. That is suggestive... and there is only one suggestionboth men and women are making when talking that way.


I was asked to go on a retreat with a female bossI had way back when I was nineteen.She was thirty-three. We both knew what she wanted. She was married. Additionally, she was "riding" my roomate twice a week. That was a little too much "traffic" for me...


Don't be naive when you get comments like that.
 
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desertdune is offline desertdune Post #8  April 22,2009, 1:26pm
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DennisWisconsin,589406 wrote :

noseyparker,589055 wrote :


desertdune,589038 wrote :


Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :


It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.


You should not assume that he's not a man of honor. Believe me, the slimy ones can't hide for long. You'll have to find out what he's looking for, with subtlety, of course.





Well... if I have never even had a date with a woman, I would never suggest going on a trip that would require an overnight stay. That is suggestive... and there is only one suggestion both men and women are making when talking that way.


I was asked to go on a retreat with a female boss I had way back when I was nineteen. She was thirty-three. We both knew what she wanted. She was married. Additionally, she was "riding" my roomate twice a week. That was a little too much "traffic" for me...


Don't be naive when you get comments like that.
thanks. This is all really enlightening. I'm back into dating after a hiatus and it's amazing that men around 40 seem to be more frightened of women than a 2 year old is of the boogie man. What ever happened to "gee, you seem interesting. Would you like to go out sometime?"


I've asked plenty of men out. If they're interested, great. If not, no biggie. Are men really that insecure? Is a "no" going to break them? Do I really have to play games and get a group of people to decipher the meaning of conversations? (sorry and thanks for the rant. I'm a straight communicator. Makes things easier. And if you're tempted to be snide and say that's why I'm along, don't bother. I'm a widow who had the love of her life and a great relationship BECAUSE we were honest and talked about what was going on rather than playing games.)
 
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desertdune is offline desertdune Post #9  April 22,2009, 1:26pm
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DennisWisconsin,589406 wrote :

noseyparker,589055 wrote :


desertdune,589038 wrote :


Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :


It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.


You should not assume that he's not a man of honor. Believe me, the slimy ones can't hide for long. You'll have to find out what he's looking for, with subtlety, of course.





Well... if I have never even had a date with a woman, I would never suggest going on a trip that would require an overnight stay. That is suggestive... and there is only one suggestion both men and women are making when talking that way.


I was asked to go on a retreat with a female boss I had way back when I was nineteen. She was thirty-three. We both knew what she wanted. She was married. Additionally, she was "riding" my roomate twice a week. That was a little too much "traffic" for me...


Don't be naive when you get comments like that.
thanks. This is all really enlightening. I'm back into dating after a hiatus and it's amazing that men around 40 seem to be more frightened of women than a 2 year old is of the boogie man. What ever happened to "gee, you seem interesting. Would you like to go out sometime?"


I've asked plenty of men out. If they're interested, great. If not, no biggie. Are men really that insecure? Is a "no" going to break them? Do I really have to play games and get a group of people to decipher the meaning of conversations? (sorry and thanks for the rant. I'm a straight communicator. Makes things easier. And if you're tempted to be snide and say that's why I'm along, don't bother. I'm a widow who had the love of her life and a great relationship BECAUSE we were honest and talked about what was going on rather than playing games.)
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #10  April 22,2009, 1:53pm
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desertdune,589452 wrote :

DennisWisconsin,589406 wrote :


noseyparker,589055 wrote :


desertdune,589038 wrote :


Gr8Guyn2008,589029 wrote :


It also could be that they are just horndogs to see how easy you are.


thanks -- this is helpful. I'm not accustomed to noticing when men are being slimy. I'm a "glass-half-full" kinda person.


You should not assume that he's not a man of honor. Believe me, the slimy ones can't hide for long. You'll have to find out what he's looking for, with subtlety, of course.





Well... if I have never even had a date with a woman, I would never suggest going on a trip that would require an overnight stay. That is suggestive... and there is only one suggestion both men and women are making when talking that way.


I was asked to go on a retreat with a female boss I had way back when I was nineteen. She was thirty-three. We both knew what she wanted. She was married. Additionally, she was "riding" my roomate twice a week. That was a little too much "traffic" for me...


Don't be naive when you get comments like that.


thanks. This is all really enlightening. I'm back into dating after a hiatus and it's amazing that men around 40 seem to be more frightened of women than a 2 year old is of the boogie man. What ever happened to "gee, you seem interesting. Would you like to go out sometime?"


I've asked plenty of men out. If they're interested, great. If not, no biggie. Are men really that insecure? Is a "no" going to break them? Do I really have to play games and get a group of people to decipher the meaning of conversations? (sorry and thanks for the rant. I'm a straight communicator. Makes things easier. And if you're tempted to be snide and say that's why I'm along, don't bother. I'm a widow who had the love of her life and a great relationship BECAUSE we were honest and talked about what was going on rather than playing games.)
Your welcome, and straight communicators are refreshing... We need more of you.
 
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