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simplemind simplemind is offline
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Sometimes this whole new world order stuff makes my head spin.


Sleep with him in less than ninety days or what? Who pays and what does it mean? Where did he kiss me and what does that mean?


While we threw out a lot of old customs that were unnecessarily rigid, there are times I miss the baby in the bathwater.


For instance, I noticed someone's scentat a professional conference years back and worked up the hutzpah to ask him about his cologne. One thing led to another and we had a very nice dinner out. Walking me back to my hotel, he offered his arm and I took it. This was part of how I was raised, and I remember my dad rehearsing it with me when I was a little girl.


Taking this man's arm was nothing like taking dad's arm. Walking down Chicago's Miracle Mile on a summer evening and being just that close to him that I could feel his warmth and catch the scent of him and cologne was incredibly romantic. It was the start of something soft and gentle and tantalizing,that became much more over time.


Are there any old fashioned things that you like to do, or wish would come back?


- April 20th, 2009, 11:41 pm
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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I read your post about the cologne. What I got from it was that you weren't actually being that old fashioned. You in fact, did a very progressive and empowered act. I loved it. However, the guy in turn, did some things that you think is old fashioned. I don't see him taking your arm and walking you back to your hotel as old fashioned. I see this as a natural andcivilthing to do. Not chivalrous but civil.


I personally don't have any use for "old fashioned" behavior. Most of this is loaded with unfair and unequal notions of one person being weak and subservient. Those things that in our modern world that you might interpret as old fashioned are simply common sense things that good people do with other good people. They transcend time. Of course this guy was going to be nice to you! You showed your interest. He was attracted to you. He wanted to reciprocate. I see myself as a very modern guy. But I'll take a woman's arm when I walk with her. I'll make sure she gets inside her house safely when I drop her off. Is this a contradiction? No. Its civility. Being "modern" doesn't mean to be nasty.
- April 21st, 2009, 12:16 am
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simplemind simplemind is offline
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You've really got me thinking, boccabum--assumptions...


When I think "old-fashioned", I believe you're right: I am actually talking about courtesy/civility. Courtesy is respectful--he did not move in too close, too fast; which would've had me running like a gazelle in heels down the Mile. But courtesy also provided him with a means of coming physically closer, which was very nice--and came to be very romantic.


I don't think of modern as nasty--do believe that there were some pretty rigid ways folk kept each other in place once upon a time, and That is nasty.


But perhaps you may not know that many men do not automatically offer their arm, nor see a woman safely to her door. Youare (as he was) a kind exception to the rule of my experience.
- April 21st, 2009, 12:29 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 I don't want more choice! I just want nicer things!

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i once had a man pick me up for a date and instead of coming to the door, he honked his horn. i'm kinda stubborn so i just stayed in the house, and then he called from his cell phone all upset "I'm outside waiting for you!"


i told him i knew he was outside, i was waiting for him to get the hint and come to the door like a gentleman.


i dunno. i'd like to see a return of manners in general.
- April 21st, 2009, 12:35 am
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The guy I met in the bookstore last fall dida lot of things I liked - things I grew up watching my dad do for my mom. This guy opened the car door for me, opened the doors of buildings we were going to, walked me to my door after our dates . .. I love those little things. If they are still part of modern dating, I say, "Yay! Bring it on!"
- April 21st, 2009, 12:38 am
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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scarlet13 wrote :

i once had a man pick me up for a date and instead of coming to the door, he honked his horn. i'm kinda stubborn so i just stayed in the house, and then he called from his cell phone all upset "I'm outside waiting for you!"


i told him i knew he was outside, i was waiting for him to get the hint and come to the door like a gentleman.


i dunno. i'd like to see a return of manners in general.
See...your example is one of modern but nasty behavior.


I think manners, in general, should always rule. However, when I hear the phrase "old fashioned" all I think of are good manners and effort in one direction > from the man to the woman. I know, this sounds unfair, but that's what I think. Usually, its formed in a statement like this; "I have old fashioned values. I expect the man to chase me, hold open the door, stand up when I enter the room, ask me out, call me, take care of me, etc." But I never hear old fashioned behavior that goes the other direction (other than not having sex with him).
- April 21st, 2009, 12:44 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 I don't want more choice! I just want nicer things!

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Lindsey:


yeah, i agree. i like when a guy opens car doors for me, but i don't hold it against him when he doesn't because some shrew yelled at him for it in some misguided attempt to be a feminist.


i also like it when a guy walks me to the door. how else can you have a proper good night kiss?
- April 21st, 2009, 12:45 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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boccabum wrote :

scarlet13 wrote :


i once had a man pick me up for a date and instead of coming to the door, he honked his horn. i'm kinda stubborn so i just stayed in the house, and then he called from his cell phone all upset "I'm outside waiting for you!"


i told him i knew he was outside, i was waiting for him to get the hint and come to the door like a gentleman.


i dunno. i'd like to see a return of manners in general.


See...your example is one of modern but nasty behavior.


I think manners, in general, should always rule. However, when I hear the phrase "old fashioned" all I think of are good manners and effort in one direction > from the man to the woman. I know, this sounds unfair, but that's what I think. Usually, its formed in a statement like this; "I have old fashioned values. I expect the man to chase me, hold open the door, stand up when I enter the room, ask me out, call me, take care of me, etc." But I never hear old fashioned behavior that goes the other direction (other than not having sex with him).
what kind of old fashioned behavior do you want to see from a woman?
- April 21st, 2009, 12:48 am
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lindseyk lindseyk is online now
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boccabum wrote :

scarlet13 wrote :


i once had a man pick me up for a date and instead of coming to the door, he honked his horn. i'm kinda stubborn so i just stayed in the house, and then he called from his cell phone all upset "I'm outside waiting for you!"


i told him i knew he was outside, i was waiting for him to get the hint and come to the door like a gentleman.


i dunno. i'd like to see a return of manners in general.


See...your example is one of modern but nasty behavior.


I think manners, in general, should always rule. However, when I hear the phrase "old fashioned" all I think of are good manners and effort in one direction > from the man to the woman. I know, this sounds unfair, but that's what I think. Usually, its formed in a statement like this; "I have old fashioned values. I expect the man to chase me, hold open the door, stand up when I enter the room, ask me out, call me, take care of me, etc." But I never hear old fashioned behavior that goes the other direction (other than not having sex with him).
I think it's important to respond appropriately to courtesy. I always thank a man if he opens a door for me or does any of those little things. I don't expect them and don't insist on them, but they are always appreciated when given. I am also happy to do little things without expecting them to be reciprocated. It's not all about me. One of the joys of caring for somebody is giving those little things just because you care that much.
- April 21st, 2009, 12:54 am
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simplemind simplemind is offline
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scarlet13 wrote :

i once had a man pick me up for a date and instead of coming to the door, he honked his horn. i'm kinda stubborn so i just stayed in the house, and then he called from his cell phone all upset "I'm outside waiting for you!"


i told him i knew he was outside, i was waiting for him to get the hint and come to the door like a gentleman.


i dunno. i'd like to see a return of manners in general.
Oh, Scarlet! I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I can't help myself--am laughing out loud as I type this!


AMEN!
- April 21st, 2009, 01:00 am
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