Old Fashioned, or Totally Cool?


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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #41  April 21,2009, 11:33am
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comes to her favorite season--cool weather and beautiful colors.

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Ingytravel,587823 wrote :

Sorry to the OP for the digression
Ingy, no apology necessary. I was actually enjoying the read! Better yet, you had something valuable to say--I just feel a little reticent to comment on each person (although last night it seems this was not the case), but did like what you two were talking about.


Thanks forofferingit, but no apology needed.


:-)
 
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kifu is offline kifu Post #42  April 21,2009, 11:40am
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waltercl,587496 wrote :

Here's my concern:


If I do all these nice things during the dating phase, and then I slack a little bit during the marriage am I going to hear:


"Hey remember when you used to do XXX and YYY and ZZZZ? Why don't you do those things anymore? Do you still love me? Is the magic still there?"


So what if I don't do any of these things during dating, and then a few years after we're married I start doing all this little stuff. Now all of a sudden I'm getting massive credit for "finding my romantic side" and she's telling all her friends about it, and the next thing you know I'm the next best thing since sliced bread!


This plan is almost crazy enough to succeed. Don't you think?
If you manage to maintain this effort during you marriage years... i can almost guarantee you, you'll have a successful long term relationship. Watch out i'm not saying that this old fashion things will make your marriage successful, but if you're a willing to approach and remain interested and fond of your partners wishes and interests, chances are you'll be on the right path. Icing in the cake will be that after a few years you're still willing to happily be near to your partner and treat her (both ways) with some "old fashioned manners"


good luck!!!
 
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PY is offline PY Post #43  April 21,2009, 11:44am

Sometimes...just be a bigger person and take the high road.

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simplemind,587821 wrote :




How about what we can do for men?
I do not see this kind of question come up often, but let me just say it's an extremely rare and nice gesture to once in a while ask what we like.


Thank you!
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #44  April 21,2009, 11:49am
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" Walking down Chicago's Miracle Mile on a summer evening and being justthatclose to him that I could feel his warmth and catch the scent of him and cologne was incredibly romantic. It was the start of something soft and gentle and tantalizing "


this is great! most beautifully... well said!


subtle ... that's what's missing today!
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #45  April 21,2009, 11:52am
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kifu,587837 wrote :

waltercl,587496 wrote :


Here's my concern:


If I do all these nice things during the dating phase, and then I slack a little bit during the marriage am I going to hear:


"Hey remember when you used to do XXX and YYY and ZZZZ? Why don't you do those things anymore? Do you still love me? Is the magic still there?"


So what if I don't do any of these things during dating, and then a few years after we're married I start doing all this little stuff. Now all of a sudden I'm getting massive credit for "finding my romantic side" and she's telling all her friends about it, and the next thing you know I'm the next best thing since sliced bread!


This plan is almost crazy enough to succeed. Don't you think?


If you manage to maintain this effort during you marriage years... i can almost guarantee you, you'll have a successful long term relationship. Watch out i'm not saying that this old fashion things will make your marriage successful, but if you're a willing to approach and remain interested and fond of your partners wishes and interests, chances are you'll be on the right path. Icing in the cake will be that after a few years you're still willing to happily be near to your partner and treat her (both ways) with some "old fashioned manners"


good luck!!!
I know Walter was kidding, but kifu, you are right on the money about the serious side of this.


I recall my parents insisting on courtesy to each other in the home, when no one else was around. As kids, we ate off the good dishes, we were invited to join company for awhile if we could maintain good behavior, and it was essential we learn to eat properly so as not to spoil others' meals. [Lol! for my little brother, I think this was the biggest challenge ;-)]


It started with them, though: they were courteous (not stilted, but respectful and kind) with one another. While my mother was astay at home mom, my dad treated what she did with respect, and commented on it not just to her but to me and to my brother, and to friends even outside her presence. She knew he wasn't the world's best handyman, but didn't belittle his efforts. So we had a few cabinets hanging just a bit crooked. He tried, it worked, and that was good enough.


It modelled something for me that I now understand was the basis of a marriage that lasted until my father died. I only hope that their example continues on in me.
 
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kifu is offline kifu Post #46  April 21,2009, 11:55am
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PY,587839 wrote :

simplemind,587821 wrote :





How about what we can do for men?


I do not see this kind of question come up often, but let me just say it's an extremely rare and nice gesture to once in a while ask what we like.


Thank you!

Reciprocating men:


being on time


paying the check a few times, at least genuinely wishing to pay and then paying


no double guessing, what did he mean? but asking politely what he meant.


laughing at his jokes if i like him (even if some aren't necessarily so good)


not flirting with his male friends if we go out


hmmmm... let me think....
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #47  April 21,2009, 11:58am
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Hoping for a bit of snow:)

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simplemind,587834 wrote :

Ingytravel,587823 wrote :


Sorry to the OP for the digression


Ingy, no apology necessary. I was actually enjoying the read! Better yet, you had something valuable to say--I just feel a little reticent to comment on each person (although last night it seems this was not the case), but did like what you two were talking about.


Thanks forofferingit, but no apology needed.


:-)
Thanks for the kind words..and for posting this thread topic
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #48  April 21,2009, 11:59am
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comes to her favorite season--cool weather and beautiful colors.

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angelpoet,587841 wrote :

" Walking down Chicago's Miracle Mile on a summer evening and being justthatclose to him that I could feel his warmth and catch the scent of him and cologne was incredibly romantic. It was the start of something soft and gentle and tantalizing "


this is great! most beautifully... well said!


subtle ... that's what's missing today!
Thanks, angelpoet.


and btw, da bunny is perfect. ;-)


But you bring up something interesting: is subtlety missing, or have some of us (I Do include myself here) gotten so busy we've forgotten the art?


What can you recall, of a time when you were the object of such; or that you were the do'er?
 
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kifu is offline kifu Post #49  April 21,2009, 12:00pm
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simplemind,587843 wrote :

kifu,587837 wrote :


waltercl,587496 wrote :


Here's my concern:


If I do all these nice things during the dating phase, and then I slack a little bit during the marriage am I going to hear:


"Hey remember when you used to do XXX and YYY and ZZZZ? Why don't you do those things anymore? Do you still love me? Is the magic still there?"


So what if I don't do any of these things during dating, and then a few years after we're married I start doing all this little stuff. Now all of a sudden I'm getting massive credit for "finding my romantic side" and she's telling all her friends about it, and the next thing you know I'm the next best thing since sliced bread!


This plan is almost crazy enough to succeed. Don't you think?


If you manage to maintain this effort during you marriage years... i can almost guarantee you, you'll have a successful long term relationship. Watch out i'm not saying that this old fashion things will make your marriage successful, but if you're a willing to approach and remain interested and fond of your partners wishes and interests, chances are you'll be on the right path. Icing in the cake will be that after a few years you're still willing to happily be near to your partner and treat her (both ways) with some "old fashioned manners"


good luck!!!


I know Walter was kidding, but kifu, you are right on the money about the serious side of this.


I recall my parents insisting on courtesy to each other in the home, when no one else was around. As kids, we ate off the good dishes, we were invited to join company for awhile if we could maintain good behavior, and it was essential we learn to eat properly so as not to spoil others' meals. [Lol! for my little brother, I think this was the biggest challenge ;-)]


It started with them, though: they were courteous (not stilted, but respectful and kind) with one another. While my mother was astay at home mom, my dad treated what she did with respect, and commented on it not just to her but to me and to my brother, and to friends even outside her presence. She knew he wasn't the world's best handyman, but didn't belittle his efforts. So we had a few cabinets hanging just a bit crooked. He tried, it worked, and that was good enough.


It modelled something for me that I now understand was the basis of a marriage that lasted until my father died. I only hope that their example continues on in me.
Yes... i totally agree... this kind of moments and kind values you are able to watch can be very resonant during life. And are at some point a reference for everybody around.


As o grow older i kind of understand the values of this, because i know now that it demands a loooooot of effort... and equanimity, and etc. etc.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #50  April 21,2009, 12:06pm
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kifu,587846 wrote :

PY,587839 wrote :


simplemind,587821 wrote :





How about what we can do for men?


I do not see this kind of question come up often, but let me just say it's an extremely rare and nice gesture to once in a while ask what we like.


Thank you!





Reciprocating men:


being on time


paying the check a few times, at least genuinely wishing to pay and then paying


no double guessing, what did he mean? but asking politely what he meant.


laughing at his jokes if i like him (even if some aren't necessarily so good)


not flirting with his male friends if we go out


hmmmm... let me think....
Oh, YAH! Good ones!


Better to have his friends consider you a tad reserved than you belittle him. Or even just out on a date--not making eye contact or searching the room like you're looking for something better than what you're with! I've seen women do this and it makes me NUTS.


Or the cell phone thing....arrrrggggh... My phone stays in my purse on vibe, on a date. If there is a bona fide issue going on (say I'm on call), I notify him that this is part of my job before I accept the date, and that if this is a problem for him I let him know when my call rotation is done. Have never had a man tell me he'd rather postpone.But to interrupt time with someone who has taken the trouble to call, invite me to a place he'd like to share, and with whom I'm supposedly there to enjoy time--for a phone call from a buddy who's not having an emergency with blood on the floor and guns involved--well, you get my drift.


 
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