New potential - concert with ex


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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #1  April 20,2009, 7:03am
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I had posted last week about how my ex and I are going to the Hoobastank concert and how confusing the mixed signals are from him, I have received a lot of great advice on here and still I am going to the concert with him, however as of last week I have decided I really need to move on. Since I invited him and confirmed we were still going I will honor that commitment. I have also made it very clear that he can not have his cake and eat it too.


Now on to my question. I met a guy this weekend that I like and we spent most of the last three days either on the phone or actually getting together.


Met on Friday night and decided we wanted to get together saturday. We wentfor a walk around the park and some lunch. Had a great time talking and getting to know eachother we were together from 9am to 2pm, Spent Saturday night on the phone for 2 hours, talked on Sunday, had dinner sunday night another 3 hours together, and on the phone for another hour or so sunday night before bed. We really have a lot in common and he seems like a great person.


Please tell me I can get over the rebound syndrom! I do not want him to be the rebound, we met, we hit it off and not once while we were together did I think about my ex -


Next delima - should I let him know that I am going to this concert with my ex - he knows I am going and I feel like I should tell him just to avoid any misconceptions.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  April 20,2009, 7:21am
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How soon is the concert? If it's very soon then you can just go and not mention it. This was something that was planned BEFORE this new guy was in the picture.


If it's going to be a few weeks, about a week in advance during a quiet (out of bedroom) time just level. Just be frank that you made this commitment long before you knew the new guy. Just make sure that the rest of your actions show that you are really done with the ex.


To follow on to the thought in the above paragraph, you need to have ZERO contact with the ex.
 
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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #3  April 20,2009, 7:29am
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DDjr,586332 wrote :


How soon is the concert? If it's very soon then you can just go and not mention it. This was something that was planned BEFORE this new guy was in the picture.


If it's going to be a few weeks, about a week in advance during a quiet (out of bedroom) time just level. Just be frank that you made this commitment long before you knew the new guy. Just make sure that the rest of your actions show that you are really done with the ex.


To follow on to the thought in the above paragraph, you need to have ZERO contact with the ex.


Thye concert is this Tuesday. And I plan on ending all communication with my ex at that point. I am going to tell him that I am trying to move on and he can not have his cake and eat it too.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  April 20,2009, 7:45am
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Hi Missy..I know I also responded on your first post about trying to go back to being friends after dating, etc...


I'm a little confused as on the other board I just read, with your thread "Updating my ex's profile" you talk about wanting to stay friend's and helping him out and talking a lot with one another...


Now..whatever you decide is certainly up to you...I truly am not judging in that at all...I'm just putting the pieces together based on all your posts I have read.....and because of that, I really do get the feeling that you are trying to 'convince' yourself that you don't have feelings for him when you really do...and also maybe trying to 'rush' into this new relationship to push those feelings down as well...instead of taking a break from dating for a month or two to process and then be ready to move on...


That is why lots of us are suggesting not seeing him and letting things settle...and since you have decided to go ahead and go to the concert with him..says that you really do want to see him..instead of just cancelling and letting him go with someone else..


Are you maybe hoping that when you go to the concert..that by telling your ex about this new guy..it will make him 'jealous' and rethink wanting to be with you?


*You don't have to answer that here...just something to maybe think about what is truly in your heart and your reason for still attending the concert..it's not just for Hoobastank...HAHA


Please know that I am just trying to help in the best way I can with putting together all your posts, even from the other board about this situation...


I'm sure this is a difficult situation all around for you...and I, too, have been friend's with all my ex's...but it was after not seeing/talking for a long time for both of us to 'get over' our relationship and then make a decision on being friend's again...
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #5  April 20,2009, 7:47am
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missy2u2002,586344 wrote :

DDjr,586332 wrote :


How soon is the concert? If it's very soon then you can just go and not mention it. This was something that was planned BEFORE this new guy was in the picture.


If it's going to be a few weeks, about a week in advance during a quiet (out of bedroom) time just level. Just be frank that you made this commitment long before you knew the new guy. Just make sure that the rest of your actions show that you are really done with the ex.


To follow on to the thought in the above paragraph, you need to have ZERO contact with the ex.


Thye concert is this Tuesday. And I plan on ending all communication with my ex at that point. I am going to tell him that I am trying to move on and he can not have his cake and eat it too.
Just a suggestion missy, don't use the word "trying". Just tell the ex very confidently that you "are moving on". You'll be surprised how much of a difference that makes in your own head to say it as a definite.


I don't think the bit about the cake and eating it too is necessary, but then again, I never understood the phrase to begin with. What the heck is the point of *having* cake if you're not expected to want to eat it??? Whatever....


As for the new guy... at this point (I can't see your OP from this screen, sorry) you've only known him, what, 4 days?? No, I don't think he needs to know anything at all about the ex bf going to the concert with you. You just met him. You owe him no explanations of who you're going anywhere with, unless you two are already exclusive, and unless the concert is a 'date', which I highly doubt either as being the case, right?
 
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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #6  April 20,2009, 8:00am
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Ingytravel,586369 wrote :

Hi Missy..I know I also responded on your first post about trying to go back to being friends after dating, etc...


I'm a little confused as on the other board I just read, with your thread "Updating my ex's profile" you talk about wanting to stay friend's and helping him out and talking a lot with one another...


Now..whatever you decide is certainly up to you...I truly am not judging in that at all...I'm just putting the pieces together based on all your posts I have read.....and because of that, I really do get the feeling that you are trying to 'convince' yourself that you don't have feelings for him when you really do...and also maybe trying to 'rush' into this new relationship to push those feelings down as well...instead of taking a break from dating for a month or two to process and then be ready to move on...


That is why lots of us are suggesting not seeing him and letting things settle...and since you have decided to go ahead and go to the concert with him..says that you really do want to see him..instead of just cancelling and letting him go with someone else..


Are you maybe hoping that when you go to the concert..that by telling your ex about this new guy..it will make him 'jealous' and rethink wanting to be with you?


*You don't have to answer that here...just something to maybe think about what is truly in your heart and your reason for still attending the concert..it's not just for Hoobastank...HAHA


Please know that I am just trying to help in the best way I can with putting together all your posts, even from the other board about this situation...


I'm sure this is a difficult situation all around for you...and I, too, have been friend's with all my ex's...but it was after not seeing/talking for a long time for both of us to 'get over' our relationship and then make a decision on being friend's again...
sorry let me clarify the updating ex's profile is someone different. This was a guy from several onths ago back in December. The guy I am going to the concert with is someone I had been friends with for about 4 years and we gave the bf/gf thing a try. He is someone I care alot about and need to break away from for a while.


No I have no intentions of telling him about this new guy. I am not looking for a response from him I just feel that I have made a commitment to go to the concert.


I agree that this new thing is very soon, and I had no intentions of dating right away, but we hit it off so well I did not want him to slip away.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #7  April 20,2009, 8:07am
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Ohh..thanks so much for the clairfication.. sorry for my misunderstanding on that...( I read most of the threads/posts on here...recovering from surgery so have lots of time on the computer...HAHAHA


I still think that deep down, from what I have read...you still have feelings for your friend/ex (from this post and last weeks on this)..as most people don't consider a concert 'a commitment' that you can't break...that's just my personal opinion on this...if it were me..and I was trying to really get over a guy...I would say.."no thank you" to the concert..and let him go with someone else...


I do wish you luck with everything in the future.
 
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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #8  April 20,2009, 8:16am
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Ingytravel,586391 wrote :

Ohh..thanks so much for the clairfication.. sorry for my misunderstanding on that...( I read most of the threads/posts on here...recovering from surgery so have lots of time on the computer...HAHAHA


I still think that deep down, from what I have read...you still have feelings for your ex (from this post)..as most people don't consider a concert 'a commitment' that you can't break...that's just my personal opinion on this...if it were me..and I was trying to really get over a guy...I would say.."no thank you" to the concert..and let him go with someone else...


I do wish you luck with everything in the future.
It is hard for me to break any type of coomitment, they are my tickets and he was very excited about the concert - as am I - and no one else I know really likes Hoobastank and I do not want to go by myself. I do still have feelings for him and it will be hard to say goodbye, but this is the last contact I will be having with him at least fora while.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #9  April 20,2009, 8:18am
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If you are cutting off the relationship with the guy you are going to the concert with I see no problem with not telling the current guy about him. My thinking is why buy possible trouble when it could be avoided to begin with. It is not like you and the new guy are exclusive. Good luck
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #10  April 20,2009, 9:07am
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missy2u2002,586403 wrote :

Ingytravel,586391 wrote :


Ohh..thanks so much for the clairfication.. sorry for my misunderstanding on that...( I read most of the threads/posts on here...recovering from surgery so have lots of time on the computer...HAHAHA


I still think that deep down, from what I have read...you still have feelings for your ex (from this post)..as most people don't consider a concert 'a commitment' that you can't break...that's just my personal opinion on this...if it were me..and I was trying to really get over a guy...I would say.."no thank you" to the concert..and let him go with someone else...


I do wish you luck with everything in the future.


It is hard for me to break any type of coomitment, they are my tickets and he was very excited about the concert - as am I - and no one else I know really likes Hoobastank and I do not want to go by myself. I do still have feelings for him and it will be hard to say goodbye, but this is the last contact I will be having with him at least for a while.
It's quite understandable to want to go see the concert! You made the plan because you like the band!


One suggestion: Zero tolerance policy! Your ex may very well try something! Don't even let him stand really close to you. Keep it completely "just friends". If you've been intimate before, he's going to try to be intimate again. The zero tolerance policy should really clear your mind about the fact that you're not cheating on or fooling around behind the back of your new guy.
 
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