Why did my date not show up for our first meeting??!


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Yasmin21 is offline Yasmin21 Post #1  April 18,2009, 6:04am
Yasmin21's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 40

See profile



I was contacted by a guy on a dating website and his message suggested that he was someone I would get on really well with. We emailed for 2 weeks and he was keen to meet up for drinks to which I agreed. Prior to the meeting we emailed even more and he gave me his work email so I could mail him at his office during the day. I noticed that whenever I did email himat work he would reply almost immediately or within a very short time.We alsospoke on the phone for over an hour (he called on his home number) and he said he could talk to me for another hour after that because I was so easy to talk to.


Anyway theday we were supposed to meet,we emailed each other at work andhe said he was looking forward to meeting me for drinks that evening.I was about 15 mins late to meet him because Iwas held up at work butI couldnt phone him because he told me that he had lost his phone a few days before.I went tothe agreed meet up pointat a busy station and waited for 30 mins. I even walked around the station to see if I could spot him but I couldnt see him. He basically stood me up and what I can't understand is why!!


Its not as if he didntknow what I looked like because my picture was on the site andI know that he looked at it quite a lot! I don't look any different to my pic so I can't imagine he would have taken one look at me and walked off! He had my number so at the very least he could have called me on my mobile. Hewas also quick on email and said he really enjoyed chatting to me because I was so easy to talk to. He emailed me to say that too and seemed to be looking forward to the evening!He also knew that he was the first person I was meeting on the website.


I expected him to ring me from his home phone later that night to explain what happened but nothing and I am so utterly bemused as to what could have happened in the three hour period between his last email to me yesterday and our meeting time? Is he just a weirdo who gets a kick out of leading women on? He seemed so genuine on the phone.Why give me all his work and personal contact details and then do a no show?!Isnt that a bit risky from his point of view?


I was thinking of sending him a quick email saying that I don't what happened but I guess he had his reasons for not showing up. Is this is a good idea or should I put this down to being duped by a player?
 
  Reply With Quote
pukeko is offline pukeko Post #2  April 18,2009, 6:16am
pukeko's Avatar

has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Boston

Posts: 756

See profile



i wouldn't contavt him anymore, leave him to his own manipulation
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  April 18,2009, 6:27am
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile



If you were 15 min late to your date, maybe HE thought he was being stood up and left. And has been waiting to hear from you to explain what happened. Since you haven't contacted him, he probably feels exactly the same way you do.


Personally I would have waited another 5 minutes. Another possibility is that he got there a little early and in his head, he waited and waited and you never showed up. I would send him a quick email with an explanation of your experiances that night and see what he says before you write this guy off.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #4  April 18,2009, 6:34am
Mangosteen's Avatar

sleeeepy

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

Southwest

Posts: 378

See profile



If you're still interested, I would suggest emailing him and saying that you waited for him for a bit and never saw him - and that you yourself were a few minutes late too. From the prior stuff you said, it does seem odd that he would just no-show with no explanation or follow-up, which is why I would give him the benefit of the doubt one time.
 
  Reply With Quote
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  April 18,2009, 6:34am
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile



well, i have to admit i'm a person who is so busy, 15 minutes is a huge waste for me. 15 minutes on the first date is even bigger. we go on as we start. i will wait it, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


but frankly, it's more likely he was just a poofer.


i'd let it go at this point if neither of you haven't emailed an apology by now. and anyways, already a bad precedent.
 
  Reply With Quote
Anitoba is offline Anitoba Post #6  April 18,2009, 6:35am
Anitoba's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2009

Posts: 1

See profile



I would send him a little email stating that you were sorry that you missed him, and that you were running behind. He might have been there and left. He may not have showed up. You don't know for sure. Maybe he waited at the wrong location?


15 minutes is my rule of thumb too. If my date doesn't show up by then, I leave. If if the guy doesn't contact you after that, move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #7  April 18,2009, 6:45am
angelofmerci's Avatar

loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,302

See profile



I normally show up for a date or appointment early. If I am meeting someone then I will give them 30 minutes from the time we were scheduled to meet to show up before leaving. I definitely think you should call or email him asking "What happened to you?" If he does not reply then close him out and move on. Good Luck
 
  Reply With Quote
awol71 is offline awol71 Post #8  April 18,2009, 6:49am
awol71's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 618

See profile



When I'm late for a meeting, I don't expect the other person to clear things up: I clear them up myself. And I expect the same courtesy from others. Maybe it will turn out that he didn't show up. Who knows? You'll have tocommunicate with him to find out.


When the other person is late, I would still try to get things cleared up myself, personally. I hope others would do the same, but in this case, I don't expect them to. Also, I would have waited for more than 15 minutes. But again, that's just me. I'mthe glass half-full type, and I generally give other people the benefit of the doubt.
 
  Reply With Quote
sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #9  April 18,2009, 7:04am
sabete2002's Avatar

About to celebrate one year with the best guy on the planet!

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 2,335

See profile



You were late and may have missed him by a minute or two - we all have different thoughts on how long we expect to be kept waiting. Or he may just have stood you up. Without communicating with him, you are not going to know for sure. His response (or lack thereof) will give you the answer.


Stuff happens which is why I always make sure we have each others cellphone numbers. Then, on the rare occasion that I might be running late, I can call ahead. The fact that he lost his phone doesn't help but could you not have sent an email on the off chance that he may see it before leaving.
 
  Reply With Quote
awol71 is offline awol71 Post #10  April 18,2009, 7:06am
awol71's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 618

See profile

lil_lamb,583567 wrote :

well, i have to admit i'm a person who is so busy, 15 minutes is a huge waste for me. 15 minutes on the first date is even bigger. we go on as we start. i will wait it, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Now, I don't mean for this to be rude, but you need to know that you'rean exception here.


I don't personally know anyone who thinks 15 minutes is that important. Particularly on a first date : remember that you're talking about the person you hopemay turn out to besomeone you'll be spending (not wasting)the rest of your life with (assuming that you're looking for such a relationship). If you could only make room for a 15 minute date in your schedule (in which case 15 minutes would indeed be a real problem), or if you can only spend time with your significant other in increments of 15 minutes... Well, I'm certainly notthe one for you.


Have you ever had unexpected problems that caused you to be late for anything? Do you think that such problems can never happen to anyone? I grant that it was not handled very well in the OP's case, but that's a very different matter.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« How long should I give EH? | Dating | Waht does this mean to you!! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The guy who wrote the Tao of dating is kind of interesting. I'd check him out if you're looking for a coach. Seems like a lot of the advice he has is good for other areas of life, too.” –  nightling

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“ Snob. It is a board game, as is Candy Land, and it is no more important. Hah! Yeah, but...my chess board is two-tone onyx; doesn't fold in half. So I forgot about it being a "board" ... ” –  j0hn8andy

Join the “Favorite Board Game” discussion

“So, I just heard from the Matchmaker. Apparently Bill had time to call her from the road. lol She said, in so many words, that he started by enumerating the qualities he loved in me (looks, ... ” –  123noname789

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“I think women who are fabulous don't need to say so on a date, and as a result come across as comfortable in their own skin.I think women who are fabulous also generally understand that making the ... ” –  nightling

Join the “What do you mean I'm not fabulous?” discussion

“ That's the impression I've gotten.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“Recent advertisement for EH got me to wondering, will there be a way to tell if someone is just on for the free weekend? With people signing up just for the weekend how will paying members know ... ” –  ItsOkayToLook

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“Thanks to you people, today I have "Crazy Penguin Catapult."” –  D_Lion

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:46pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0