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eharmonyadvice eharmonyadvice is offline
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Choosing the right partner is one of the most important decisions you'll make but the path to finding that person isn't always as straightforward as you'd hope.
- April 18th, 2009, 12:41 am
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I have been having a run of dates who think I am a great guy, but something else comes up, or they just think we don't match or whatever. I have even had the chance to do "post-hoc discussions" with a couple who wanted to stay friends. Thy keep saying it's not me, but it starts to affect your confidence! Ouch!
- April 18th, 2009, 12:41 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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docbucky wrote :

I have been having a run of dates who think I am a great guy, but something else comes up, or they just think we don't match or whatever. I have even had the chance to do "post-hoc discussions" with a couple who wanted to stay friends. They keep saying it's not me, but it starts to affect your confidence! Ouch!
Too true!
- April 19th, 2009, 09:32 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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On the surface this seems like a great article. The piece that is missing here is that I can find the girl that may meet all my expectations but if she does not feel similarly then I am not going to even be given the chance.


Also why should this article be titled "Seeking Women Who are Right for You"? Are not the same concepts applicable to women also?
- April 19th, 2009, 09:38 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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docbucky wrote :

Thy keep saying it's not me, but it starts to affect your confidence! Ouch!
It is you. Very frustrating that people lie!


She either feels nothing for you when she requires feeling something to go forward, she detects a characteristic about you that concerns her or she expects she won’t accommodate, or she has more-desirable potential partner(s).
- April 19th, 2009, 09:39 am
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Great article for BOTH women and men!...I truly believe, if you aren't happy with your own life and 'self', you'll be searching for someone to fill a 'void'...which sets the relationship up to fail from the start..


**and I usually don't talk about my faith very much on here, because I truly believe it's a personal decision and I am not trying to 'sway' anyone to what I am thinking...this is just how I feel...for my life...**so please don't get all 'riled up' about the G word...LOL


I will just say that when I ended up putting God first in my life..then He filled that 'void' I had, and learned that what I thought was 'validation' that I needed from others, was about my own unhappiness with some thingswithin myself, and then changed what I wanted/needed to, and then let go of what were other people's issues...


and now...have ajoyful, hopeful,and healthy outlook and truly open heart, and I can look for someone who iswonderful and kind, but not someone to "complete" me (like in Jerry McGuire lol)...that is not only too much pressure for another person..but then they will end up 'disappointing' you somehow if you put them high on some pedestal (male or female), as well as hoping they will 'make up for' the qualities that you are not happy with in your own life..


For me,I want to love and accept my SOand hope they feelthe sametowards me, 'right wherewe are' and not for what they GIVE to me..but for just being themselves(As in, I'm not trying to 'change' them and vice/versa)...


Ok..that's my one and only "Sunday" talk...HAHAHA...As they say on one of the radio stations here in DC.."Not a sermon, just a thought"....LOL


- April 19th, 2009, 10:06 am
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Ingytravel wrote :

Great article for BOTH women and men!...I truly believe, if you aren't happy with your own life and 'self', you'll be searching for someone to fill a 'void'...which sets the relationship up to fail from the start..


**and I usually don't talk about my faith very much on here, because I truly believe it's a personal decision and I am not trying to 'sway' anyone to what I am thinking...this is just how I feel...for my life...**so please don't get all 'riled up' about the G word...LOL


I will just say that when I ended up putting God first in my life..then He filled that 'void' I had, and learned that what I thought was 'validation' that I needed from others, was about my own unhappiness with some thingswithin myself, and then changed what I wanted/needed to, and then let go of what were other people's issues...


and now...have ajoyful, hopeful,and healthy outlook and truly open heart, and I can look for someone who iswonderful and kind, but not someone to "complete" me (like in Jerry McGuire lol)...that is not only too much pressure for another person..but then they will end up 'disappointing' you somehow if you put them high on some pedestal (male or female), as well as hoping they will 'make up for' the qualities that you are not happy with in your own life..


For me,I want to love and accept my SOand hope they feelthe sametowards me, 'right wherewe are' and not for what they GIVE to me..but for just being themselves(As in, I'm not trying to 'change' them and vice/versa)...


Ok..that's my one and only "Sunday" talk...HAHAHA...As they say on one of the radio stations here in DC.."Not a sermon, just a thought"....LOL

Yes, I hear what you are saying. And I agree that we should not be looking for others to complete ourselves. But, I believe it is also true that God did not mean for us to be alone. Whether you want to look at it ina a Genesis sense of creating man and woman to be each other's companion or in a New Testament sense of "the two shall become as one", I think that life is meant to be shared.


So We can feel that we are complete individuals and STILL feel that there is something missing from our lives. God, I think the Bible says, calls us to be happy. Why would He make us want to share our lives with another but then tell us not to desire to do that? I don't think He would. So, I think that feeling that there is somethiing missing in your life is not necessarily unhealthy. As St. Paul says, it may be easier for some not to desire to be with another, and there might be a good reason for that. But it is not the norm for most people.


So, I say to one and all. Live a good life! Work for the common good and the happiness of all. If you are a believer, "pray without ceasing" and "praise God in all things". But do not feel bad about feeling that there is a missing element in your life. Here we all are, trying to rectify that. I wish you all Good Luck!
- April 20th, 2009, 07:36 pm
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Ingytravel wrote :

I will just say that when I ended up putting God first in my life..then He filled that 'void' I had, and learned that what I thought was 'validation' that I needed from others, was about my own unhappiness with some thingswithin myself, and then changed what I wanted/needed to, and then let go of what were other people's issues...


and now...have ajoyful, hopeful,and healthy outlook and truly open heart, and I can look for someone who iswonderful and kind, but not someone to "complete" me (like in Jerry McGuire lol)...that is not only too much pressure for another person..but then they will end up 'disappointing' you somehow if you put them high on some pedestal (male or female), as well as hoping they will 'make up for' the qualities that you are not happy with in your own life..
What you say seems to echo what a number of others have written about fulfilling oneself and not seeking a mate to fill a void in their life. I don't think there's anything to criticize you about for stating that you fill this void with God, while others say they fill it in other ways.
- April 20th, 2009, 07:44 pm
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Oh..I didn't mean for my post to say that we shouldn't want or enjoy companionship..I absolutely do and that's why I joined EH after spending 3 years alone after my divorce...


So I apologize for not stating that...I just meant that in reference to the article here, we shouldn't put so much pressure on another person to MAKE us happy...or 'expect' that person to be EVERYTHING to us...


I REALLY look forward to meeting someone special and hopefully getting married again some day...To laugh, talk, and share all the wonderful things in life with someone I love, respect, and care for Believe me, I am giddy with the excitement of possibilites
- April 20th, 2009, 07:46 pm
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Ingytravel wrote :


Oh..I didn't mean for my post to say that we shouldn't want or enjoy companionship..I absolutely do and that's why I joined EH after spending 3 years alone after my divorce...


So I apologize for not stating that...I just meant that in reference to the article here, we shouldn't put so much pressure on another person to MAKE us happy...or 'expect' that person to be EVERYTHING to us...


I REALLY look forward to meeting someone special and hopefully getting married again some day...To laugh, talk, and share all the wonderful things in life with someone I love, respect, and care for Believe me, I am giddy with the excitement of possibilites


Ingy... you're just giddy. Period. Great posts though!
- April 20th, 2009, 08:11 pm
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