would you like kids with that?


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kkinnison is offline kkinnison Post #1  April 15,2009, 8:54pm
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being in my mid-30s never married and no kids. I have learned to accept that my potential partner might already have kids from a previous relationship. I want to have kids of my own, so I don't have a problem with kids in general. It feels awkward for me tho when they already have teenagers, or more then one kid. I almost feel I am at a disadvantage or they might mentally see some red flags.


What really got me recently is that I found a woman who I thought we could have a potential serious relationship with. I was very attacted to her, and I thought she was attracted to me also. But when we met for the first time she had brought her daughter who was still in diapers along. After about 15 minutes of sitting down and talking the daughter got restless, and I recommended we go for a walk. we walked and talked for about 30 minutes until we got cold and said our farewells


2 weeks later I get an e-mail from her saying she wants to focus on a relationship with someone else.


instead I feel like she should have said, "sorry I sabotaged our first meeting, but at least you can say you finished 2nd"


Right now I am having a hard time dealing with this. I tried to be hopeful and postitive but it seemed to not be worth it.





To boild it down to these questions


If she/he has a kid is there a disadvatage to not having a kid?


I know the problems single parents might have, but isn't a bad idea to bring your kid to a first date?


Am I wrong to put a limit on the age and numer of kids?
 
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Mybella is offline Mybella Post #2  April 16,2009, 8:43am
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No..you are NOT wrong in my opinion! Honestly,i am single myself; female, 40 yrs old--don't look it though and never married. I have the same questions and concerns myself; do i want to take on 2 or 3 children by another woman/previous marriage, will he want another 1 or 2 kids with me, etc??? Don't have any advice but would love to see others responses.





I am in the same boat as you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #3  April 16,2009, 8:50am
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There is optimal and there is inoptimal (dictionary.com says this is not actually a word - not sure what the negative version is).


I think you have to consider each case as it comes along. As I have said elsewhere you can't even think of your first meeting as a "date". It's really the same as accidentally running into someone at "club".
 
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Mybella is offline Mybella Post #4  April 16,2009, 8:56am
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Hmmm i don't know about that. Accidentally??? I have never spent weeks..even possibly an entire month exchanging pictures, personal info, emails, phone/texts, etc.with someone i met by chance. You have invested something when you get to know someone versus meeting in a club by chance!





I say if you agree to meet and share a beverage and/or meal, then yeah, its a date. Why not??? My aunts first "date" was on Valenines Day with a man she had never met, a blind date but they exchanged emails, phone calls, photos, etc.and now they are married a year later!!!! So, i say it depends on how much you put into it before hand
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #5  April 16,2009, 8:56am
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kkinnison...


Perhaps "meeting the daughter in diapers" was her way of testing you?


Granted...bringing an infant ona first date is a little odd. However,it's entirely possible thatyour potential partner felt that if you couldn't accept the fact that you were committing yourself to AN INSTANT FAMILY...she didn't want to waste her time with a lot of dating.


There are plenty of single womenthat have never been married who are eharmony subscribers. Perhaps you should focus your attention on one or more of them?


Take a look at your profile and write down whatever is most important to you. And if you have a recent photograph of yourself...download it! You'll probably receive a lot more responses if you do!


argytunes
 
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contented is offline contented Post #6  April 16,2009, 9:01am
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Who in their right mind would bring a kid on a date or meeting? You can do better! hahaha I love kids, and have 2 of my own, but there is adult time and kid time. I think it would take a big heart, and accepting person to take on someone elses kids. I think it has a lot to do with age..... my kids are 17 and 21. I'm almost done with the teenage years (yes.... doing the happy dance) and I'm not sure if I would want to do it again full time. You are both young enough that young children wouldn't be as ummmmm difficult. Guess it all depends on the person. I would think if a person saw that you don't have children that they would assume that you would want to have kids or at least would ask you. I think these days it's more the norm that kids have half siblings or at least step siblings.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #7  April 16,2009, 9:01am
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"I know the problems single parents might have, but isn't a bad idea to bring your kid to a first date?"


Really? You had to ask that question? Yes. Of course it was a bad idea to bring a kid to a first (or any) date. I think your experiance is very much an exception rather than the norm. This woman isn't in a position to be dating right now. She has no business advertising herself as a good dating partner if she can't find the time or means to get get a babysitter.


If you have no kids but want some in the future, I don't think it's unreasonable or shallow of you to seek out and date only women who are child-free. There are plenty of women out there at in your age range who are single, have no kids, and want to start a family some day. Keep looking and you'll find one right for you.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  April 16,2009, 9:01am
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There are tons of people out there in their mid-30s who have never been married and do not have kids because they've focused on things like education and careers.


Anyway, to answer your questions, there is no disadvantage if you like kids and are a tolerant person.


As far as your "date" is concerned, well yes it is a horrible idea to bring a kid along on a date/first meeting. I think you will find that most women are much more cautious about their children and will not introduce you until they know that they actually want to date you and you are safe.


And for your final question - it's your life and you are the one living it - you can put in whatever preferences or limits you want on your dating life.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  April 16,2009, 9:05am
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it's outrageous to bring a child to a date with somene you never met, simply for safety reasons.


i'm 35 with no children, and i don't ever want children, but i have to accept that most of the men i meet will already have kids in my age group- not that i mind dating younger! but i wish more men would give details regarding how many children they have and ages - i don't want to spend my weekends with a toddler.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  April 16,2009, 9:14am
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Are you kidding me?? She brought her child on the date?! That is just so wrong. Doesn't matter if it's a first date or whatever - it's just not cool. What?! Who does that?? You may have liked her and been attracted to her and all that, but even having children myself, if some dude showed up to a date with me with a kid tagging a long... no way would I have stayed through it. Time and place and that wouldn't have been it! Just as a side-note to this question of yours - I'm a single mother of 4, and I've never had 'problems' while dating do to scheduling, childcare, cancelling, phone calls, etc etc etc. I have one priority with my children. I have a different priority with myself. It doesn't work that way with all single parents I realize that, I'm fortunate I guess.


I don't think you would be wrong putting any 'limits' on the number or ages of children you'd prefer when it comes to a woman you'd consider dating. We all pick and choose for ourselves don't we? We each get to decide for ourselves what works for us and what doesn't. However, keep in mind something... too many variables.
 
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