That 1st Date: Coffee or Candlelight?


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jet2there is offline jet2there Post #31  April 14,2009, 7:34am
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Ingytravel,575894 wrote :

Yep..the pay or not to pay...that really needs to be what YOU want to do...not anyone else...plain and simple...and please don't spend more than you are comfortable with if you decide to treat...(see other posts on resentment caused by this


And as far as choices for first dates...finding out what the woman enjoys doing..like Dancing said...if someone mentions the love the outdoors..then that would be great...or if someone is talking about the latest art exhibit downtown..then like that comedian says.."There's your sign"...HAHAHA...sorry..couldn't resist that one


For 99% of women...it's NOT about the money being spent! You can believe or not...LOL...and it was discussed in many a thread about this...but for me..it's the thought put into it..(finding out the movie schedule....making sure to tell her about parking..or where it's located if meeting you)....not the dollar amount...and doing something we BOTH will enjoy because I am wanting my date to have just as much fun


For instance...my 'first date" with a man this week is giving me a 'insider's' tour of the Pentagon....because he knows that I am a "love to learn about everything' kind of gal!! and he is about to retire from the Navy..so this is a great chance for him to 'show me around' as well...


For someone else..they might go, "what?" and think it's weird...HAHAHA...but he has really listened and learned about me and vice/versa over our emails and phone calls thus far..


If you are someone who enjoys opening doors, pulling her chair out..then by all means...please do...just be yourself! If this is not who you are...then don't do it....Both women/men will know or find out soon...if someone is putting on an 'act'....


Hopefully you can relax, have fun..don't forget to smile...laugh
I LOVE the idea about the Pentagon! Where did you find this guy, and does he have a brother???
 
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jet2there is offline jet2there Post #32  April 14,2009, 7:44am
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funxxfinder, wrote :

Being new to EHarmony I feelwe can all learn alot by hearing directly from EH users.


Whattypes of dateswomen prefer on a 1st date? Most comfortable with?


How about suggestions for 1st dates? Ladies?


My buddy just went on an EHarmony 1stdate and when he suggested they each pay 1/2.... their was a frosty, frosty reception to that idea! lol


What about going dutch?


Any do's or don'ts when out on a date???


Let's brainstorm on all aspects of that 1st date!

Like most of the others here have said, it's really up to you and the woman. There aren't any rules or protocol about these things, just like dating in 'real time'. For example, if you have been talking to someone about a really nice bike trail in the area that you've been wanting to go to, it would be a natural and fun date to decide to meet there.


While I've had some very nice dinner dates, honestly, they can feel alittle like a job interview when it's the first time you've ever met someone. It can be awkward, even under the best of circumstances. I'd almost rather plan a short, coffee date or just a walk in a local park, just to see if there is any chemistry...and THEN go out on a longer, more romantic date to the candlelit restaurant.


Also, if things don't go well, you don't have to worry about how to diplomatically cut the dinner short. I recently met someone for a dinner date, and it was obvious within the first 2 minutes that we would not have mutual chemistry. However, he was so nice and had a reservation for the most romantic table in the restaurant...and also had the waiter bring me candy and flowers that he had bought ahead of time and planned to have 'delivered' to me. I know that he didn't mean it to pressure me, but I just couldn't pick up and leave early under those circumstances. I even felt like I didn't want to turn him down when he suggested drinks after dinner. It turned out to be one of the longest evenings of my life...and then I had to tell him the next day that I didn't want to go out with him again. To make the long story short...keep it SHORT on the first date...and go from there. If you meet someone for coffee, and you feel all kinds of fireworks, you can always suggest doing something else together that very day!


Good luck!
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #33  April 14,2009, 7:46am
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jet2there,577531 wrote :

Ingytravel,575894 wrote :


Yep..the pay or not to pay...that really needs to be what YOU want to do...not anyone else...plain and simple...and please don't spend more than you are comfortable with if you decide to treat...(see other posts on resentment caused by this


And as far as choices for first dates...finding out what the woman enjoys doing..like Dancing said...if someone mentions the love the outdoors..then that would be great...or if someone is talking about the latest art exhibit downtown..then like that comedian says.."There's your sign"...HAHAHA...sorry..couldn't resist that one


For 99% of women...it's NOT about the money being spent! You can believe or not...LOL...and it was discussed in many a thread about this...but for me..it's the thought put into it..(finding out the movie schedule....making sure to tell her about parking..or where it's located if meeting you)....not the dollar amount...and doing something we BOTH will enjoy because I am wanting my date to have just as much fun


For instance...my 'first date" with a man this week is giving me a 'insider's' tour of the Pentagon....because he knows that I am a "love to learn about everything' kind of gal!! and he is about to retire from the Navy..so this is a great chance for him to 'show me around' as well...


For someone else..they might go, "what?" and think it's weird...HAHAHA...but he has really listened and learned about me and vice/versa over our emails and phone calls thus far..


If you are someone who enjoys opening doors, pulling her chair out..then by all means...please do...just be yourself! If this is not who you are...then don't do it....Both women/men will know or find out soon...if someone is putting on an 'act'....


Hopefully you can relax, have fun..don't forget to smile...laugh


I LOVE the idea about the Pentagon! Where did you find this guy, and does he have a brother???
eHarmony match...whoo hoo so far for the matches I have gottenTo me, they have done a fantastic job...and finding really wonderful men!....I am a happy camper!!! LOL
 
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jet2there is offline jet2there Post #34  April 14,2009, 7:51am
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Mangosteen,577092 wrote :

jayjay,576284 wrote :


I definitely go for coffee on a first meeting (not sure if that's really a 'date' or not). These 'coffee' meetings can unobtrusivelybe endedin as short as1/2 hour.....or can be extended upto several hours, including dinner if both people want and are able to. A number of the women I've met from the internet....I wouldn't want to spend more than 1/2 hour with them. Going straight for dinner could make for some looooong dates.


I agree. I like doing shorter activities such as coffee/tea at the first meeting because it's an easy out for either party if things are getting super awkward. Like the last guy who looked at least 10 years older than his pictures... 9 innings would be way too long with some of the 1st dates I've had.
I've found that most 'first meetings' don't go anywhere. It's in the best interest, financially, time-wise, and emotionally...for people to keep these short and sweet. If you 'beat the odds' and want to go out again...then go for it, with nothing to lose!!
 
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4getmenot is offline 4getmenot Post #35  April 14,2009, 8:40am

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COFFEE: Coffee shops are great! It can be a long or a short date. If you’re not sure aboutyour dateor you feelhe/she isnot sure about you, it’s a very small time commitment and gives you enough time to scope each other out and then bail with no guilt if it's not going well. If it goes well, the second date should be DINNER.


Too pay or not to pay... Well, a gentleman should always offer to pay BUT a lady should as well. I always offer to pay my half and if he agreesgreat, if he doesn't it makes no difference.BOTH parties should offer to pay their way.....at that point it is up to you, if you want to pick up the bill or not.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #36  April 14,2009, 9:16am
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I usually go with the flow but will suggest going for a drink. I can't drink coffee after noon or I don't sleep. I will pay unless my date insists... I'm not going to mess things up for a few pennies..


I don't do candle light on first dates. You don't want to peak too soon if your going for LTR. I will try and do something active on the second dates... you can usually get to know someone better if you are actually doing something.
 
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