how important should looks be???


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
mab1123 is offline mab1123 Post #1  April 12,2009, 11:00pm
mab1123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2008

Lincoln, NE

Posts: 8

See profile



I recently met this guy and we've been talking on the internet for a couple of weeks now. We finally met in person for the first time this weekend. In therory he's everything I've been looking for. But the problem is, that he's not the best looking guy in the world. I'm not exactly model material but (not to sound stuck up) I would still consider myself ummmm....above him in the looks department. He's really someone I can be comfortable around and I want this to work! My question is....Can someone learn to be attracted to someone? Is this something a person can learn to live with over time? Or is this a lost cause? Please help me. What sould I do?
 
  Reply With Quote
waltercl is online now waltercl Post #2  April 12,2009, 11:11pm
waltercl's Avatar

is Feeling good about life ............................

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

The South

Posts: 1,711

See profile



Is he overweight?
 
  Reply With Quote
bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  April 12,2009, 11:17pm
bravethestorm's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,260

See profile



Looks should be important enough that you want to be with the person but not beyond the realistic image that is actually possible to attract.


I've not found that many people that look exactly like their photo as hair style, clothing etc. changes so much about the finished look. In your case, one of two things happens on meeting the person...you are either pleasantly suprised or are disappointed.


Generally speaking though, if you care for someone....they become more attractive with time. A personal example for me is a blind date I had with a guy that was not at all attractive. In fact I couldn't have been more turned off by his appearance but I still gave him a chance as we had a great time talking. I never considered him attractive but when I dated him and grew to love him...he became "average" to the point I didn't think about his appearance.


I would suggest spending some time together and seeing if the chemistry develops. Sometimes if you like a guy as a friend...it becomes something more. Fact is most couples aren't exactly the same "attractive" standard. One person is usually better looking than the other and which person that is depends on the individual asked.
 
  Reply With Quote
ANWmo1 is offline ANWmo1 Post #4  April 13,2009, 7:35am
ANWmo1's Avatar

perfect turned into obsessive and creepy...

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Colorado

Posts: 80

See profile



This is a question that only you can answer. For each of us looks mean more/less than it does to others.


Myself, I feel that part of being attracted to someone is being physically attracted to them. Call me shallow if you must. I don't ask for supermodel good looks or a greek god, but simply someone that is "pleasing" to the eye. For example, I went out on a date with a guy that was super nice and had a lot of characteristics that I liked, but in the looks department I was just having a hard time. Not only that, he acted like I was his daughter and criticized my clothing choice, what I ate and how I ate it...amongst other things. I don't let the superficial stuff get in the way, but part of the initial attraction for me is physical.


As for you, you have to decide if you're still attracted to this person. If you're not then you're not. I'm not saying end it b/c he doesn't have it going on. He sounds really awesome! If you like him then run with it.
 
  Reply With Quote
boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  April 13,2009, 7:39am
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile



I don't know how old you are but my guess is in your early 20s. If yes, then looks for you are important. And if you are dating someone that you don't think is up to your potential in attractiveness, then you will "trade up" at the first opportunity. So do this guy a favor and don't date him.
 
  Reply With Quote
JMWTurnerFan is offline JMWTurnerFan Post #6  April 13,2009, 9:18am
JMWTurnerFan's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

Posts: 531

See profile



Mab: this has been discussed repeatedly here. ANWmo1 is right: this is something only you can decide. There's a fine line with looks, and you have to decide whether this guy will do it for you or whether he won't.


Bravethestorm is right too: spend some time, get to know him, and see if it improves. This is one of those questions that time will answer for you. Wait and see what happens. Don't wait too long--if it isn't happening, it isn't happening--but give yourself time to answer this question. I suspect that once you figure this out, you'll have a better idea of where you're at with the next guy, assuming there is a next guy.
 
  Reply With Quote
churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #7  April 13,2009, 12:49pm
churumbeque's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

Midwest

Posts: 431

See profile



Some of my least attractive boyfriends I have been the most attracted to because of there personality. You will know within the 1st few dates if he will grow on you. I would take average looks with a great personality over great looks and bad personality any day. Now if he is totally ugly then that would e a problem.
 
  Reply With Quote
pukeko is offline pukeko Post #8  April 13,2009, 4:14pm
pukeko's Avatar

has a long report due Thursday and still not even .5 there. **headache**

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Boston

Posts: 756

See profile



look is secondary to me. you can definitely overcome the look part. if you notice most couples when they are together long enough, they start to look the same.
 
  Reply With Quote
wonder53 is offline wonder53 Post #9  April 13,2009, 4:52pm
wonder53's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2009

illinois

Posts: 2

See profile

mab1123, wrote :

I recently met this guy and we've been talking on the internet for a couple of weeks now. We finally met in person for the first time this weekend. In therory he's everything I've been looking for. But the problem is, that he's not the best looking guy in the world. I'm not exactly model material but (not to sound stuck up) I would still consider myself ummmm....above him in the looks department. He's really someone I can be comfortable around and I want this to work! My question is....Can someone learn to be attracted to someone? Is this something a person can learn to live with over time? Or is this a lost cause? Please help me. What sould I do?
Your heart knows the answer to the question, we can give guidance and hope ,but only you know yourself well enough to know if you are above the minor impressions of beauty. I am a firm believer that if one opens their heart and is honest with themselves and the person they are involved with they can overcome any obstacle. The most important things are how does he make you feel, can you be open and honest with him, when he touches if he touches you do you feel sensations or are you repulsed. I am not a beauty on the outside, just average but my heart and soul sore far above so many others and I am not the least bit conceded just honest with myself. we all grow old, we all age in the way god meant us to age. Trust your heart and you will do the right thing. Not for just you but for him also. He deserves to be loved unconditionally just as you do!
 
  Reply With Quote
wonder53 is offline wonder53 Post #10  April 13,2009, 4:53pm
wonder53's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2009

illinois

Posts: 2

See profile

mab1123, wrote :

I recently met this guy and we've been talking on the internet for a couple of weeks now. We finally met in person for the first time this weekend. In therory he's everything I've been looking for. But the problem is, that he's not the best looking guy in the world. I'm not exactly model material but (not to sound stuck up) I would still consider myself ummmm....above him in the looks department. He's really someone I can be comfortable around and I want this to work! My question is....Can someone learn to be attracted to someone? Is this something a person can learn to live with over time? Or is this a lost cause? Please help me. What sould I do?
Your heart knows the answer to the question, we can give guidance and hope ,but only you know yourself well enough to know if you are above the minor impressions of beauty. I am a firm believer that if one opens their heart and is honest with themselves and the person they are involved with they can overcome any obstacle. The most important things are how does he make you feel, can you be open and honest with him, when he touches if he touches you do you feel sensations or are you repulsed. I am not a beauty on the outside, just average but my heart and soul sore far above so many others and I am not the least bit conceded just honest with myself. we all grow old, we all age in the way god meant us to age. Trust your heart and you will do the right thing. Not for just you but for him also. He deserves to be loved unconditionally just as you do!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« What is the ONE thing people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH... | Dating | Confused on how to proceed »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The guy who wrote the Tao of dating is kind of interesting. I'd check him out if you're looking for a coach. Seems like a lot of the advice he has is good for other areas of life, too.” –  nightling

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“ Snob. It is a board game, as is Candy Land, and it is no more important. Hah! Yeah, but...my chess board is two-tone onyx; doesn't fold in half. So I forgot about it being a "board" ... ” –  j0hn8andy

Join the “Favorite Board Game” discussion

“So, I just heard from the Matchmaker. Apparently Bill had time to call her from the road. lol She said, in so many words, that he started by enumerating the qualities he loved in me (looks, ... ” –  123noname789

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“I think women who are fabulous don't need to say so on a date, and as a result come across as comfortable in their own skin.I think women who are fabulous also generally understand that making the ... ” –  nightling

Join the “What do you mean I'm not fabulous?” discussion

“ That's the impression I've gotten.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“Recent advertisement for EH got me to wondering, will there be a way to tell if someone is just on for the free weekend? With people signing up just for the weekend how will paying members know ... ” –  ItsOkayToLook

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“Thanks to you people, today I have "Crazy Penguin Catapult."” –  D_Lion

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:27pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0