On line dating question


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Gypsy_75 is offline Gypsy_75 Post #1  April 12,2009, 4:33pm
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I had a response back from someone that saw my profile. Question is how do you go about this. He lives in the same city as I do. Which is small and easy to find out who you are by very little details. My first thought was what if he's a whack job? It's ok to talk on the computer but when it comes to meeting him what do you do. I know it would be a public place, but I still wonder how safe this is. Any comments or stories to share that can ease my mind?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 12,2009, 4:38pm
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You should definitely start freaking out, because the world is full of strange people. I think the safest thing to do is date a Frog.


My opinion and experience is that the overwhelming majority of online daters are no different than your friends, family, and co-workers … in fact, some of them probably are.
 
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Gypsy_75 is offline Gypsy_75 Post #3  April 12,2009, 4:40pm
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OK so that helps .
 
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jlb896 is offline jlb896 Post #4  April 12,2009, 4:40pm
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I would say that you have to go with your gut and only agree to meet if you feel absolutely comfortable. I don't even give my phone number out until after a first meeting and how I feel that goes. In addition to meeting in a public place, also make sure to tell someone that you're meeting someone new online and have them call you in a certain amount of time or arrange for you to call them. I would keep the initial meeting relatively short and casual...like over lunch or coffee.


As for not having him find out who you are since you're in a small town, I don't know what to tell you. That just may be a risk you have to take in your situation when dating online, but just get to know who you're chatting with online all the more.
 
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Gypsy_75 is offline Gypsy_75 Post #5  April 12,2009, 4:43pm
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I'm just wondering what to expect and how to go about it all. New to this. I know when you're in a bar and can see the person, and others there know the person. But to go totally blind - just concerned. More than likely I know the person like I said it is a small area.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #6  April 12,2009, 4:45pm
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D_Lion,575378 wrote :

You should definitely start freaking out, because the world is full of strange people. I think the safest thing to do is date a Frog.


My opinion and experience is that the overwhelming majority of online daters are no different than your friends, family, and co-workers … in fact, some of them probably are.
Are there a lot of frogs looking for dates? Do you know any in my location?
 
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Gypsy_75 is offline Gypsy_75 Post #7  April 12,2009, 4:45pm
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jlb896,575382 wrote :

I would say that you have to go with your gut and only agree to meet if you feel absolutely comfortable. I don't even give my phone number out until after a first meeting and how I feel that goes. In addition to meeting in a public place, also make sure to tell someone that you're meeting someone new online and have them call you in a certain amount of time or arrange for you to call them. I would keep the initial meeting relatively short and casual...like over lunch or coffee.


As for not having him find out who you are since you're in a small town, I don't know what to tell you. That just may be a risk you have to take in your situation when dating online, but just get to know who you're chatting with online all the more.
thanks. I told a good friend about my concerns & she offered to be at the place - just as back up with0ut him knowing that. Like I said I may even know this person anyway by family or friends but it just made me wonder.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 12,2009, 5:07pm
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Most of my first dates I met at a restaurant, where I sometimes waited inside, sometimes in my car. I’ve met a lot of the women without knowing what she looked like, and have had a fair amount of embarrassment asking the wrong person before the right one showed up. Wearing / carrying something unusual helps.


I feel that refusing to give your phone is risky. I would interpret that as you have trust issues and don’t feel adequately in command of your own life. While I don’t personally care to talk on the phone before meeting, it seems most people do. Also, if either of you are late you can’t reach each other.


If he has been consistent and forthright in his communication, and displays the same manners and patterns between his e-mail, phone, and profile, I would feel comfortable.
 
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Gypsy_75 is offline Gypsy_75 Post #9  April 12,2009, 5:13pm
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D_Lion,575415 wrote :

Most of my first dates I met at a restaurant, where I sometimes waited inside, sometimes in my car. I’ve met a lot of the women without knowing what she looked like, and have had a fair amount of embarrassment asking the wrong person before the right one showed up. Wearing / carrying something unusual helps.


I feel that refusing to give your phone is risky. I would interpret that as you have trust issues and don’t feel adequately in command of your own life. While I don’t personally care to talk on the phone before meeting, it seems most people do. Also, if either of you are late you can’t reach each other.


If he has been consistent and forthright in his communication, and displays the same manners and patterns between his e-mail, phone, and profile, I would feel comfortable.
& I think the email type talking IM, is fine. The have a reverse directory online and you can find out a persons full name and address - so that's a little scary. I have kids and I have to protect not only myself. In the last year 2 women have turned up missing and like I said this is a small area. Makes you think twice. But I put myself out to this because I don't want to do the bar scene.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  April 12,2009, 5:15pm
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Are you talking about actually going throught the eHarmony process? Or a guy who has just contacted you through these boards..and just PM'd you from your profile here? So you are saying you haven't even started writing yet and he wants to meet? Is it someone who has a picture and posts on here a lot that you at least have seen some about them?


Maybe I am misunderstanding your post..and if you don't mind explaining a bit more?


I am on EH as a paid member and choose the Guided Communication..then after all the questions/answers..back/forth...we get to Open Comm....one or two...then to emails..and phone calls to plan our first date....So for me...this is my only experience with meeting someone online and that has made me feel safe going through the process of getting to know him a bit before meeting...not too long of course...it's not about pen pals...LOL..


I have not been contacted out of the blue on these boards to meet someone...and for me...would not do this....if I have no clue who they are...now that's not to say it hasn't worked for other's on here...and there are a few that I see as 'regulars' on here that it would maybe be different
 
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