Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 9 of 12 « First 7 8 9 10 11 Last »
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools
HappyBunny HappyBunny is offline
HappyBunny's Avatar

HappyBunny is NOT happy, it's snowing here today

Newbie

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 16

See profile

notyertypical wrote :

Well,I've been attracted to women who might not traditionally be considered beautiful.(I have also had quite a few girlfriends,and sweethearts that definately were "lookers")...the point is,there has to be SOMETHING there that pulls me in.However,once we're actuallyon a date,if there's NO intellect,or something in our personalities clashes violently,it's all over.I would have to say a good match requires a measure of both.
I totally agree with you.


But here is where guys and gals differ. Ladies back me up here. Women will not usually approach a man who they consider better looking than themselves; where guys seem todo it all the time. What's that about? I honestly think to men, it's more important, that initial attraction, the physical beauty. I find with myself, the more I get to know a man, the more I am attracted to him-conversations, flirting, andhumor.
- April 13th, 2009, 10:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#81   Reply With Quote
waltercl waltercl is online now
waltercl's Avatar

waltercl is Feeling good about life ............................

Veteran

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 1,194

See profile

chris1835 wrote :

LavenderFields wrote :


Hi microbiologygeek ,


I agree with you, more important for me is intellectual connection. But also, there must be that something that makes me contact somebody. I have 'strange' taste in men (as the grand majority of my male and female friends say), but I think is because I need to have that intellectual connection. Unfortunately it is hard to find since it is not something you can 'see'.


But.. I do still think that person must 'do' something for you, some kind of gut level feeling that makes you want to know them.. it is not looks.. it is something undescribable.


I disagree. While I've heard the old adage of "Don't judge a book by it's cover" over and over, there ARE things you can pick up on. You can learn how to read people. Of course, you can't make more than a few generalizations off this, but you CAN tell quite a bit about someone just by looking at them. It's by no means fool-proof, which is why it's important to keep an open mind, but I have rarely been wrong. It's almost like a "Shallow Hal" type thing. I can look at a person, man or woman, and make some educated guesses about their personality, and I am usually right.





Most of it is in the body language, and the eyes. How the person is dressed can give you SOME clues about the person, i.e. how much they care about their appearance, their attitude (laid-back, etc)... but generally it's in the body language, and even in what they look like. Unpleasant as it is, the way people are treated, especially when young, is to some extent dictated by what they look like. And MOST people are affected by how others treat them/ act towards them.
I've said very similar things in other threads. I brought up that my experience in the mental health field allowed me to be able to read someone very quickly. People with trust issues give off certain clues as well as those who have bitterness and anger. So the whole notion of "chemistry" involves much more than physical appearance. If I sense someone has a variety of interpersonal issues that is going to make it difficult for them to enter into a successful relationship then there is not likely to be "chemistry" regardless of how attractive they might be.
- April 14th, 2009, 12:19 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#82   Reply With Quote
lacedwithhope lacedwithhope is online now
lacedwithhope's Avatar

lacedwithhope is wearing zebra pajamas. With pants. Am I embarrassed?

Virtuoso

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 4,529

See profile

PY wrote :

pinz wrote :


A man can be the MOST physically attractive creature on the planet, with the intellect to match, but if he doesn't LIKE women ...


There are a few of those in San Francisco and there's nothing wrong with that!!
That...is...hilarious!
- April 14th, 2009, 12:49 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#83   Reply With Quote
lacedwithhope lacedwithhope is online now
lacedwithhope's Avatar

lacedwithhope is wearing zebra pajamas. With pants. Am I embarrassed?

Virtuoso

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 4,529

See profile

pinz wrote :

I guess I am ultimately 'waiting' for that CORRECT chemistry that not only 'clicks' but LOCKS . Like everyone. It hasn't happened YET, in totality, but here's ever hoping ...







Just don't throw away the key! LOL


Nice post, Pinz!
- April 14th, 2009, 12:53 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#84   Reply With Quote
pinz pinz is offline
pinz's Avatar

pinz is away for a bit ... HAVE FUN.

Veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 2,354

See profile

lacedwithhope wrote :

pinz wrote :


I guess I am ultimately 'waiting' for that CORRECT chemistry that not only 'clicks' but LOCKS . Like everyone. It hasn't happened YET, in totality, but here's ever hoping ...











Just don't throw away the key! LOL


Nice post, Pinz!
... Thanks Lacy. ... aim to please ... and say it like I see it ...
- April 14th, 2009, 08:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#85   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

writergurl writergurl is offline
writergurl's Avatar

writergurl aspires to frivolous, meaningful irony

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 593

See profile

DennisWisconsin wrote :

Wondering_Nomad wrote :


There isn't anything more disappointing than opening a beautiful box and finding it empty.


Clutter can be just as dissappointing...

Well dang! This is very bad news.If anyone in the history of the world had a cluttered mind it has to be me. But wait... can we distinguish between clutterthat is interesting,and clutter that is junk? Or am I just trying to be optimistic?
- April 14th, 2009, 10:19 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#86   Reply With Quote
writergurl writergurl is offline
writergurl's Avatar

writergurl aspires to frivolous, meaningful irony

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 593

See profile



For me, intellect and physical appearance are both important. If I was to judge how high my standards are for each, I would definitely say that intellect rates higher for me. Beauty fades, no matter what you do to try to keep it! Intellect may fade too, but at least the rate is slower.
- April 14th, 2009, 10:23 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#87   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,309

See profile

HappyBunny wrote :

notyertypical wrote :


Well,I've been attracted to women who might not traditionally be considered beautiful.(I have also had quite a few girlfriends,and sweethearts that definately were "lookers")...the point is,there has to be SOMETHING there that pulls me in.However,once we're actuallyon a date,if there's NO intellect,or something in our personalities clashes violently,it's all over.I would have to say a good match requires a measure of both.


I totally agree with you.


But here is where guys and gals differ. Ladies back me up here. Women will not usually approach a man who they consider better looking than themselves; where guys seem todo it all the time. What's that about? I honestly think to men, it's more important, that initial attraction, the physical beauty. I find with myself, the more I get to know a man, the more I am attracted to him-conversations, flirting, andhumor.
Men get an ego boost from being with a woman who's more attractive, whereas women will become insecure if they're with a man who's more attractive. Many women are generally insecure about their looks as is.


To a certain point, the physical beauty is more important to men. But I also think that for women it's important that the man at least not be unattractive.
- April 14th, 2009, 11:41 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#88   Reply With Quote
p5cents p5cents is offline
p5cents's Avatar

p5cents Is on vacation everyday, even when he has to work.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 332

See profile

waltercl wrote :

chris1835 wrote :


LavenderFields wrote :


Hi microbiologygeek ,


I agree with you, more important for me is intellectual connection. But also, there must be that something that makes me contact somebody. I have 'strange' taste in men (as the grand majority of my male and female friends say), but I think is because I need to have that intellectual connection. Unfortunately it is hard to find since it is not something you can 'see'.


But.. I do still think that person must 'do' something for you, some kind of gut level feeling that makes you want to know them.. it is not looks.. it is something undescribable.


I disagree. While I've heard the old adage of "Don't judge a book by it's cover" over and over, there ARE things you can pick up on. You can learn how to read people. Of course, you can't make more than a few generalizations off this, but you CAN tell quite a bit about someone just by looking at them. It's by no means fool-proof, which is why it's important to keep an open mind, but I have rarely been wrong. It's almost like a "Shallow Hal" type thing. I can look at a person, man or woman, and make some educated guesses about their personality, and I am usually right.





Most of it is in the body language, and the eyes. How the person is dressed can give you SOME clues about the person, i.e. how much they care about their appearance, their attitude (laid-back, etc)... but generally it's in the body language, and even in what they look like. Unpleasant as it is, the way people are treated, especially when young, is to some extent dictated by what they look like. And MOST people are affected by how others treat them/ act towards them.


I've said very similar things in other threads. I brought up that my experience in the mental health field allowed me to be able to read someone very quickly. People with trust issues give off certain clues as well as those who have bitterness and anger. So the whole notion of "chemistry" involves much more than physical appearance. If I sense someone has a variety of interpersonal issues that is going to make it difficult for them to enter into a successful relationship then there is not likely to be "chemistry" regardless of how attractive they might be.
I think I am like you (or what I think you are talking about). "Looks" are much less important to me than "appearance". Many people think various actresses are pretty and I can agree, but many of them don't look like people I could fall in love with. On the other hand, a lot of maybe
"average" looking women show themselves in a way that is quite attractive to me. It is the clues about themselves that they give off from their choice in clothes (and makeup), the way they carry themselves, their eye contact, and things like that. I also think that their intelligence can be assertained by their appearance to at least a small degree.


And, to me, intelligence is essential.


- April 14th, 2009, 03:52 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#89   Reply With Quote
CAwriter89 CAwriter89 is offline
CAwriter89's Avatar

CAwriter89 is permanently lonely . . .

Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 20

See profile

tbesq wrote :

HappyBunny wrote :


notyertypical wrote :


Well,I've been attracted to women who might not traditionally be considered beautiful.(I have also had quite a few girlfriends,and sweethearts that definately were "lookers")...the point is,there has to be SOMETHING there that pulls me in.However,once we're actuallyon a date,if there's NO intellect,or something in our personalities clashes violently,it's all over.I would have to say a good match requires a measure of both.


I totally agree with you.


But here is where guys and gals differ. Ladies back me up here. Women will not usually approach a man who they consider better looking than themselves; where guys seem todo it all the time. What's that about? I honestly think to men, it's more important, that initial attraction, the physical beauty. I find with myself, the more I get to know a man, the more I am attracted to him-conversations, flirting, andhumor.


Men get an ego boost from being with a woman who's more attractive, whereas women will become insecure if they're with a man who's more attractive. Many women are generally insecure about their looks as is.


To a certain point, the physical beauty is more important to men. But I also think that for women it's important that the man at least not be unattractive .
If any of that were true, I'd've gotten a girlfriend ages ago. Looks are the clear winner in this battle, and I'm living (or rather, crash-and-burned half dead) proof of that. If a girl wanted me for my mind, it's likely that she's never seen my face before.


What do I look like, you ask? Well, let's just say I'm no Johnny Depp, and we;ll leave it at that.
- April 14th, 2009, 06:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#90   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 9 of 12 « First 7 8 9 10 11 Last »

Bookmarks

« Aiming higher than what you can reach | Array | Do guys think it's weird that a 36-year-old woman has never been married? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/22854-intellect-vs-physical-appearance.html
Posted By For Type Date
Intellect vs physical appearance - Page 7 - Dating & Relationship Discussion Boards – eHarmony Advice This thread Refback May 24th, 2009 08:22 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Well, the bible does provide the solution that should a woman's hsuband die, then her brother in law must marry her. I can't recall if there is a qulification about whether they have children or not. ... ” – Fleuellen

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“Hi madewar..I know exactly what you are writing about.Having been married and divorced in after 10 years, then married to a real 'soul partner' and and then widowed at 61, I have little or no desire ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion

“I've cancelled my account. As of Dec 3 I will no longer be a paying member. I am fed up with my quality of matches. I know they don't go by appearance however I have been matched with what I would ... ” – melcalrrt

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“I personally do not care about income and I have seriously dated many poor men. Just thinking people should have there ducks in a row by a certain age. I have been dumped because I am successful and ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “where men are financially now” discussion

“Right, nightling. It also can't be assumed that even if the information were "more" accurate, the expert would not have reached the same conclusion. It would seem that the attorney representing the ... ” – neardc

Join the “Defamation/Libel” discussion

“You're welcome. Suzie” – 1Horselady

Join the “Is it a Lie or Not?” discussion

“Good Luck, P Y! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!” – empress_c

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:58 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0