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LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
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Ingytravel wrote :

In all my ltr's...I have had and will continue to look for both an emotional and physical connection....They go hand in handfor me...for me..it's not one vs. the other...


I see so many posts where people don't seem to understand that when myself, or someone says they are wanting to be 'attracted' to someone...this does not mean..that everyone else has to find this person attractive too..as in Brad Pitt...Julia Roberts..some weird standard of looks or beauty...that' not it at all.


It's what gives me the feeling of "I want to kiss this man!!!"...and I really want them to feel that way about me...and I could care less what is their 'level' of attractiveness to someone else...it's all about do I feel 'chemistry' with them...Yes...I like that word ...I don't have 'chemistry' with my friends....big difference...


I also want to have an emotional connection...which has nothing to do with years of school...a diploma on a wall...for me, it has to do with shared interests in current events, politics, faith, values, I want someone who can challenge me with new things...as well as hopefully I do this with them...


...
Ingy, you described it perfectly for me...


And I also enjoyed your other posts in this thread. Nosey - you kind of came out of left-field there. It is no state-secret that men have to be attracted to their mate but that does not mean they all want/need a supermodel - they just want to be with someone they find attractive. What is so wrong with that??


- April 12th, 2009, 09:28 pm
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LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
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pinz wrote :

To the OP: I think what you're really describing is that elusive and intangible quality known euphemistically as 'chemistry'. In other words, you either 'click' or you don't.


I also think that an element that is often 'lacking' between the sexes these days is a basic sense of 'good will'. Meaning, if bitter, hurt, disillusioned, or 'broken', there is a greater reluctance to 'engage' with the opposite sex ...


I've noticed that the men I like BEST are those who do actually LIKE women. That's not as big a percentage as many may think. Liking women extends far beyond their physical appearance, it extends into the psyche of all womanhood. At core, there is acceptance, not competitiveness. There is an 'embrace' of the feminine, not fear or anger.


A man can be the MOST physically attractive creature on the planet, with the intellect to match, but if he doesn't LIKE women ... well, it's a no-win scenario from the get-go. Men, on the other hand, who may lack zinging physical components or a sizzling intellect but LIKE women, are FUN & WARM to be around. Women snap up these fellas pretty damn quick. And vica versa. Women who LIKE men are picked up pronto.


Then there are those who sort of 'fence sit' - somewhat distanced and WONDER about it all ... That's sort of my experience. I periodically 'indulge', but in the main, PREFER to 'step back', primarily cuz I STILL don't believe I've met 'the One' yet. (I'm a hopeless romantic and BELIEVE 'there is the Right Man for Me' scenario...) I keep looking, keep trying, I keep EXPERIMENTING ... and that could just be the way it's going to go for me altogether. Don't know. I sure am 'racking them up'.


I guess I am ultimately 'waiting' for that CORRECT chemistry that not only 'clicks' but LOCKS . Like everyone. It hasn't happened YET, in totality, but here's ever hoping ...


Good luck in YOUR search.




Hi Pinz,


I ENJOYED your post and it was REAL nice seeing your avatar!!!!


Happy Easter!
- April 12th, 2009, 09:29 pm
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all_seasons all_seasons is offline
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Love may be blind, butWE are not andappearance matters as a jump start or catalyst . How wouldany of our approaches to relationships be characterized ifwe WERE physically blind?
- April 12th, 2009, 09:57 pm
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The first 3 traits that I need in a mate are:


1.) Looks


2.) Fun & laid back


3.) common sense.


In no particular order.





Not concerned with the extentof intellect once you reach a normal threshold. I want someone that can think for themselves & work with me to solve our problems.
- April 12th, 2009, 10:06 pm
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I do appreciate an intelligentwoman, which doesn't necessarilly meanshe signs with "PhD". Myidea of a good looking woman does matter to me, but I think I leave a lot of wiggle room in lieu of more substantial personaity traits.Then, I also appreciate a light hearted demeanor and a bright smileandsomewhat sillypersonality.To me this is part of being "fun", which is what I want early (and always) in the relationship.
- April 12th, 2009, 10:30 pm
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three_eyes three_eyes is offline
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pinz wrote :

To the OP: I think what you're really describing is that elusive and intangible quality known euphemistically as 'chemistry'. In other words, you either 'click' or you don't.


I also think that an element that is often 'lacking' between the sexes these days is a basic sense of 'good will'. Meaning, if bitter, hurt, disillusioned, or 'broken', there is a greater reluctance to 'engage' with the opposite sex ...


I've noticed that the men I like BEST are those who do actually LIKE women. That's not as big a percentage as many may think. Liking women extends far beyond their physical appearance, it extends into the psyche of all womanhood. At core, there is acceptance, not competitiveness. There is an 'embrace' of the feminine, not fear or anger.


A man can be the MOST physically attractive creature on the planet, with the intellect to match, but if he doesn't LIKE women ... well, it's a no-win scenario from the get-go. Men, on the other hand, who may lack zinging physical components or a sizzling intellect but LIKE women, are FUN & WARM to be around. Women snap up these fellas pretty damn quick. And vica versa. Women who LIKE men are picked up pronto.


Then there are those who sort of 'fence sit' - somewhat distanced and WONDER about it all ... That's sort of my experience. I periodically 'indulge', but in the main, PREFER to 'step back', primarily cuz I STILL don't believe I've met 'the One' yet. (I'm a hopeless romantic and BELIEVE 'there is the Right Man for Me' scenario...) I keep looking, keep trying, I keep EXPERIMENTING ... and that could just be the way it's going to go for me altogether. Don't know. I sure am 'racking them up'.


I guess I am ultimately 'waiting' for that CORRECT chemistry that not only 'clicks' but LOCKS . Like everyone. It hasn't happened YET, in totality, but here's ever hoping ...


Good luck in YOUR search.




Oh Pinz, I think you have really nailed it with this post. I have had pretty much the same experience and would consider myself a "fence sitter" as well. What an interesting observation (but of course I would say that since I'm the same way - LOL). Thanks so much for sharing this observation though - I love it when I can "discover" something new about myself that might help me get where I want to go. I wonder if it's possible to become one of these woman who really like men just by wanting it? Or will I too be just observing and waiting for the right thing (chemistry) to come along?
- April 12th, 2009, 10:42 pm
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Everyone's brought up some really good points,reminding us all thatattractiveness is subjective. One poster raised the issue that physical traits she once thought important (i.e, tall, dark, handsome) don't weigh as heavily in her mind anymore.


I've found in meeting a man for the first time that I have a difficult time assessing whether I even consider him attractive...until we interact and I hear his laugh,get aglimpse ofwhether he is funny or kind. Aftermy initial impressionof him by listening to him, then I start to notice the physical things abouthim. Maybe that's backwards compared to most women, but as long as I can remember, it's been difficult to judge even whether a guy seems sexy to me, until he speaks. Intelligencehas a huge appeal forme, but there are so many kinds of intelligence. Sometimes it'sthe smart guy who doesn't say a lot that I findmost attractive,and hisphysical appearance just 'develops' from there.
- April 12th, 2009, 11:18 pm
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When I was growing up there was an age old question that helped to clarify what men found attractive. That questions was:


Mary Ann or Ginger?


That simple little question helps summarize that not all men find the same things as attractive. I have always been the Mary Ann type. The way I'd describe what I'm attracted to is what I'd term the "cute mom" look. This would be the look you'd see for the person who played the role as the mom in one of those childrens flu medicine commercials. This is a very different kind of person then would be cast for a cover girl commercial or the look you'd see on the front of a glamour magazine. Part of that might be because of my generally conservative nature, and part of it might be that I'm from the south, and I am probably most attracted to that natural down-home kind of look. A pleasant demeanor and nice smile is real important. I like it when there is a quiet confidence that she feels attractive yet at the same time she doesn't feel it is her best feature. She feels her best feature is what she offers as a person and what she can give to a relationship.


What I describe would not necessarily be desired by all men. I was in the Air Force and got to hang out with guys from all over the U.S. I had a friend from New York who was attracted to almost the opposite that I was. My best friend was from Wisconsin and we used to joke that if someone wasn't his type then they were probably mine. He always went for the more vivacious and forward types. My friend from New York used to remark that the girls I liked were just too darn sweet, and he had to have his ladies with a little bit of an edge to them.


I think the bottom line is just be the very best person you can be, and it's guaranteed there is someone out there that will find your particular look and demeanor to be attractive. I've felt that if you try to be something you're not then you might just be turning off the very person that is perfect for you.


P.S. Please tell me that everyone gets the Marry Ann & Ginger reference or I'm going to feel really old
- April 12th, 2009, 11:36 pm
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Well,I've been attracted to women who might not traditionally be considered beautiful.(I have also had quite a few girlfriends,and sweethearts that definately were "lookers")...the point is,there has to be SOMETHING there that pulls me in.However,once we're actuallyon a date,if there's NO intellect,or something in our personalities clashes violently,it's all over.I would have to say a good match requires a measure of both.
- April 13th, 2009, 08:51 am
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Walter, re: your p.s....


No worries, I got the reference ...


Will you back me up when I yab about Jed & Granny?????


- April 13th, 2009, 09:52 am
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