Tips and Tricks for long distance relationships


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StatGamer is offline StatGamer Post #1  April 11,2009, 7:38am
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I would love to hear some things that make long-distance relationships work. Lately we've had a spate of those on this forum, people from entirely different states, countries and even continents getting together.


For me, what's working so far is communicating often and honestly. Lots of texts, phone calls every day, sharing what's going on in our days, etc. The time in between meetings is quite difficult though.


In your experience, what types of things helped you make long distance relationships work until such time as you could actually start to live together?
 
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argytunes is offline argytunes Post #2  April 11,2009, 7:47am
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The exact same thing that you are doing, StatGamer!


Communicate by phone and text! Every so often I'd send a snail mail card to reinforce the fact that my long distance lady was still in my dreams!


Keep in mind that you and your long-distance partner have lives that are closer to home. This means you should never cancel out onan opportunity (akaa shopping trip, seeing a movie, or travelling with the family)for fear you'll misshis phone call or text message.


As difficult as it probably is for you not to have the man by your side, you have to continue to go on with the day-to-day business of LIVING YOUR LIFE!


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Number2 is offline Number2 Post #3  April 11,2009, 8:03am
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I was in one when myex went to college out of state. My big thing is to not get obsessive about what the other person is doing, if you're constantly thinking "Is he with someone else?" or "Why hasn't he e-mailed me today?!?!" or "What if someone hits on him?" then it's not going to work.


I talked to my bf once every other day for the most part, and that worked out well, I found being called and e-mailed and texted everyday and being asked to give details on my day to day lifeto be annoying personally, but some people are into that I guess.


I did send lots of care packages though, like i'd bake him cookies or send something I saw that I thought would make him laugh, and that helped.
 
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inday is offline inday Post #4  April 11,2009, 8:15am
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In my point of views on this topic..... I think anything when it comes of RELATIONSHIP, especially whenboth ofyou have thelong distancerelationship situations.


BOTH of you mustHAVEthisthree things...."PATIENCE"..."COMPRAMISE" and"COMMUNICATION" are the best keys of having a good relationshiptoanybody.
 
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teamom is offline teamom Post #5  April 11,2009, 8:16am
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Do you think guys really want a long distance relationship? It takes alot of work, I live in a rual area and have been "closed" so many times due to "the distance between us is too great". Trust is a big issue with me since my husband of 21 years cheated on me and did alot of mental and emotional abuse, do you think I would ever be able to trust someone far away?
 
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StatGamer is offline StatGamer Post #6  April 11,2009, 8:21am
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teamom,572924 wrote :

Do you think guys really want a long distance relationship? It takes alot of work, I live in a rual area and have been "closed" so many times due to "the distance between us is too great". Trust is a big issue with me since my husband of 21 years cheated on me and did alot of mental and emotional abuse, do you think I would ever be able to trust someone far away?
Well in my case, if it always stayed long-distance I don't think we'd be interested.One of us will move.


I don't have trust issues in general and absolutely none in this case, so I can't address your situation. But I think there are many trustworthy men out there and we can only hope you meet one soon.


I can relate to the men that closed you out due to distance. I had closed ALL matches that were long distance. In fact, I got so sick of people approaching me from all over the place that in my match profile, I said "Please do not contact me if you do not live in my area because I won't respond!" It's just that this whole love things seems to have a mind of its own
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  April 11,2009, 8:25am
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I don’t know that this is a useful advice (since someone’s personality is what it is), but just being content to be alone and have things to do, such that the opportunities to get together feel adequate.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 11,2009, 8:26am
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StatGamer,572932 wrote :

It's just that this whole love things seems to have a mind of its own
Or, a really big heart which has elbowed aside the mind!
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #9  April 11,2009, 8:54am
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Stat, my ex-husband and I spent almost half of our time together apart doing the LDR thing (so about 5 years of our relationship, but not all as one block). The first couple of times there was an ocean in between, while the last time it was a 4 hour drive, and when things go on like that for a long time, it does take its toll I think on your energy. You need to consciously work at the relationship.


One of the things that I think can be particularly difficult is maintaining communication by phone calls without things becoming a routine. I think that is less of a problem if you are within the same or a nearby time zone, but when the time difference is larger, it is important to have set times to talk on the phone. Perhaps your schedules might dictate that as well if one or both of you have busy schedules.


The problem with this is if the calls start to feel routine and an obligation to make at a particular time, even if there is nothing new to say (this is after a long period of time doing this). It's better if you can keep things more spontaneous and talk when you have something you want to talk about. My experience was mostly before the cell phone revolution, so probably this is a lot easier to do with everyone having cell phones and being able to text spontaneously now.


I really do wish everyone luck who is doing the LDR thing, but I think I wouldn't have the energy to put into a relationship like that again. Maybe in a few years when my relationship batteries are recharged a little more, but for now, a relationship with little personal contact and presence is something I just couldn't sustain on phone calls, text and e-mails.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #10  April 11,2009, 9:27am
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My LDR started nearly 2 years ago and we both met whenever we could, in the beginning only every 3 months. As I am not working I have the possibility to travel whenever so the last year visits became more frequent. We kept contact by e-mail, phone calls, snail mail, IM. There's an 5 hour time difference but as I don't have to get up early I don't mind getting a phone call in the middle of the night. Yes, it is hard work but it can be done. And now, after nearly 2 years, to my surprise, I have been asked to get a visa and come stay so we can try and see if it will work out. I am old and wise enough not to burn the bridges behind me but dammit, I'm going to give it a go and I can't wait. To say I'm deliriously happy would be an understatement.


"Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."
 
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