In person chemistry is the ONLY thing that counts


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k374 is offline k374 Post #1  April 10,2009, 12:05pm
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From my experience on EH I can say that the only thing that really counts is the chemistry that you experience when you meet. You can talk online or the phone for days, months, years and hours at a time, it doesn't matter at all...meeting in person you may not click. For this reason it is just not worth wasting time endlessly talking and wasting time on something that may not pan out.


I have chatted with people for over a month before meeting for hours at a time and all it took was 5 minutes to realize we had no chemistry at all. It was a huge waste of time for me andmy time isreally valuable to just spend it on someone who has no interest in me and I am sure their time is valuable as well.


For this reason it is best to very quickly go through the stages of communication and exchange maybe 1-2 emails through OC, perhaps speak once on the phone, determine to meet or not and if so just meet briefly for say a very low profile date, coffee or a drink and then take it from there if there is a mutual connection. All this wasting of time online is rather pointless and meaningless.


A "first date" online is not really a date but a meeting I would say. In real life when you ask someone out and they say yes some basic level of chemistry has already been established.


Just my $0.02, would like to hear other opinions as well.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  April 10,2009, 12:06pm
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k374, wrote :

From my experience on EH I can say that the only thing that really counts is the chemistry that you experience when you meet. You can talk online or the phone for days, months, years and hours at a time, it doesn't matter at all...meeting in person you may not click. For this reason it is just not worth wasting time endlessly talking and wasting time on something that may not pan out.


I have chatted with people for over a month before meeting for hours at a time and all it took was 5 minutes to realize we had no chemistry at all. It was a huge waste of time for me and my time is really valuable to just spend it on someone who has no interest in me and I am sure their time is valuable as well.


For this reason it is best to very quickly go through the stages of communication and exchange maybe 1-2 emails through OC, perhaps speak once on the phone, determine to meet or not and if so just meet briefly for say a very low profile date, coffee or a drink and then take it from there if there is a mutual connection. All this wasting of time online is rather pointless and meaningless.


A "first date" online is not really a date but a meeting I would say. In real life when you ask someone out and they say yes some basic level of chemistry has already been established.


Just my $0.02, would like to hear other opinions as well.
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 10,2009, 12:11pm
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I agree with you. I liked to meet quickly, and found I got along better with women with the aggression to meet sooner.
 
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NoRiskNoReward is offline NoRiskNoReward Post #4  April 10,2009, 12:25pm
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Can you always tell if there ic chemistry or not on the first meeting?
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #5  April 10,2009, 12:27pm
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NoRiskNoReward,571496 wrote :

Can you always tell if there ic chemistry or not on the first meeting?
No, & I don't think that OP was claiming so.


He just knows that all of the communication beforehand can be quite useless.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #6  April 10,2009, 12:40pm
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I like a little communication before, but I certainly understand what the OP is saying. The process of putting in all the effort with someone again and again only to not have chemistry in person can be exhausting.


It probably contributes to much of the discouragement we see on this site.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #7  April 10,2009, 1:06pm
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I think there is some value in a FEW e-mails and phone calls before meeting. You do want to get some sense of the written and verbal communication style. (I'm assuming the photos have already been exchanged.) It also helps to avoid the initial in-person interrogation when you do meet since you have a baseline of subjects you may have gathered.


I do agree that you meet to meet as soon as possible to keep up the anticipation and interest in this person. I've learned tht if my match is reluctant to meet soon and there is no good reason (like distance or other time commitments), it's a red flag that speaks to some kind of unavailability issue on his part.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #8  April 10,2009, 1:06pm
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I agree completely. GC and the online process provide a good "initial" meeting -- allowing you to weed out those you know you won't be compatible with - but it can't last too long.


There have been times where I have gotten my hopes up for a particular guy, then met him in person and had him close out the match immediately due to a lack of chemistry. For me, the less time I have to imagine what he's like or build him up in my mind, the more likely I am to view our meeting realistically and really determine whether we're a good fit.
 
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kahappy is offline kahappy Post #9  April 10,2009, 2:30pm
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I have to agree, in-person chemistry is the real test. It can seem or appear that you have chemistry with a match while you're emailing and even if you progress to phone calls. But it means nothing until you are in each other's presence and can tell for sure.
I have had this happen to me before; great chemistry while emailing/calling, zero on my end for him when we finally met in person. I felt so disappointed that it just wasn't there.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  April 10,2009, 2:35pm
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I'm also on board with the importance of meeting in person. What I will add is that by exchanging some emails and/or talking on the phone I can also eliminate some women that it will become obvious aren't right for me. This saves me the time of having to meet as many in person.
 
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