Men (or women too :o) - How do you feel about the dating rules?

What no one seems to be talking about is that there is a reason these mysterious "rules" have come to be (and I'm not talking about the book "The Rules" - I think that's a bunch of manipulative crap).


Westloop, I detect a hint of bitterness in your post, but I feel it's worthy of a response. Regarding the biological impulses of men in general , you do have a point: men do indeed tend to like to pursue.


You are forgetting, however, that not everyone is the same. There exist men who love the chase, and others who can't be bothered. I fall into the second category. Due to a mix of shyness and (yes, I admit) fear of rejection, I'm not going to jump at just any woman beacause is remotely attractive. Because of that, and the fact that a good number of women have asked me out, I had never really pursued many women since my late teens.


That is, until I met a nice young woman at my university, who "gently nudged" me into pursuit. Essentially, she did all the little things that showed that she was interested, without actually saying it. It amounted to her saying "I'm available, and would love for you to ask me out," all done tacitly.


I always had some interest in her, but those subtle nudges pushed me over the edge and led me to ask her out, which she of course accepted -- that was the point of her actions to begin with!


These events led me to think of what women can do to improve their chances, instead of putting it all on men to "pursue" in order not to "sell [themselves] short." What women need to know and do can be summed up nicely:

1. Men aren't mind readers; you have to put in some effort for us to detect interest.
2. Smile. You'd be surprised how many women look unapproachable and wonder why they're still single. Who wants to approach a sourpuss?
3. Don't be afraid to initiate conversation to put yourself out there. I'm not saying ask the guy out, but a simple 'hello' can go a long way: it's letting him know "hey, I exist! I'm not intimidated by/afraid of you and I find you to be intereresting in some way." If you're too afraid to start a long conversation, just say 'hi.' It'll work.
4. If you have talked to the guy and feel comfortable enough, try a little physical contact. A gentle brush or touch of his arm is all it should take.

I know the above seems so simple, but a number of my female friends don't understand that they can't just sit around waiting for Prince Charming to come along and sweep them off of their feet. So please, ladies, do not sell youselves short: put in the necessary work to get our attention. I assure you it's worth it.

Folks,
I find it interesting that folks are panning the rules... without anyone agreeing upon which rules we are talking about.
IMO, there seem to be four types of dating rules.
The first group of rules concern manors. For example, show up on time; dress appropriately; thank your date at the end of the date; turn your cell phone off; etc. I see little reason to toss these out and I expect dates to know and follow them.
The second group involves personal safety. For example, meet in a public place; don’t give our certain information; etc. Again, this is reasonable advice for online dating and I don’t see any reason not to follow these.
The third group appears to be advice geared towards practical issues. For example, keep the first date to under an hour (in case things don’t go well); avoid movies (you can’t talk); try lunch or coffee (limit expenses); etc. I am mixed on this one. IMO, one should know the reasons, but the rules should be treated more as guidelines. If your date is into foreign films, go watch one and then talk about it over coffee later.
The forth group seems geared towards avoiding sending certain signals. For example, don’t bring flowers; don’t talk about your ex; who pays for the date; don’t ask for a second date immediately; etc. I find these to be the rules folks can happily toss out. I think the experts draw way too much importance to certain signals, fail to realize that some topics can be discussed without sending signals, or sometimes sending such signals are appropriate.

Hi everyone! I was just curious about how you all felt about the dating rules and adherring to them. Personally, I find that they make the process morefrustratingand nearly could have lost some good guys in the past. I really don't follow them (I do wait for them to call me after the first date), but am curious about what others on here think. For the men, do you really hate it when women pursue you? Ladies, will you ever pursue a man? At what point, when you have been dating someone for a little while, do you drop the rules?