jayjay is offline jayjay Post #11  April 5,2009, 1:21pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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MelinCali,564946 wrote :

The OP doesn't really say what teddy bear means, so I'm going by my assumption, which does not mean obesity and elaborating from my first post.


I am not so sure that men who are "teddy bears" see themselves as excessively overweightl. Many who were former athletes probably still even describe themselves as athletic. I know plenty of people who are active that might fit the OP's designation. Doesn't anybody else know people who work out often that are overweight?


I think direct questioning or recent pictures (full body) are going to be the only way really to tell before meeting in person.

You're probably right. I expect many people have a very 'flexible' definition of what overweight means, especially when it comes to themselves.
 
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ladydoctor is offline ladydoctor Post #12  April 5,2009, 1:38pm
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MelinCali,564946 wrote :

The OP doesn't really say what teddy bear means, so I'm going by my assumption, which does not mean obesity and elaborating from my first post.


I am not so sure that men who are "teddy bears" see themselves as excessively overweightl. Many who were former athletes probably still even describe themselves as athletic. I know plenty of people who are active that might fit the OP's designation. Doesn't anybody else know people who work out often that are overweight?


I think direct questioning or recent pictures (full body) are going to be the only way really to tell before meeting in person.

You are correct. The meaning is not clear. I had another title but changed it because I didn't want to offend anyone....


If you are at risk of diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease or cancer because of your weight or waistline then you are not healthy. If you have any belly fat at all, I cannot be physically attracted to you. That is what it boils down to.


Someone mentioned gender. You never hear Roseanne Barr or Queen Latifah being described as a "teddy bear". But when a man becomes overweight there is a cutesy little name that he gets to make him feel better about it.


Many athletes are fat- e.g. football players. That is why athletic is not a good description. You are correct about that.


And I agree that all guys should be required to have full body, summertime photos. LOL
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #13  April 5,2009, 1:44pm
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LadyDoctor, let me see if I'm correctly ascertaining your take on this subject.


Let's say for instance....well.......I don't know........hmm if it were a man who might feel this way.


Are you saying it is completely legitimate and ok for a man who is in relatively good condition to expect a potential match to also be in good shape? And furthermore that is ok to define good condition as being at least somewhat slender?


I know I speak for the rest of the men when I say that this isn't something that we personally feel strongly about, but since you are a woman and a medical professional (making assumption based on name) we may just want to get your purely professional take on this
 
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ladydoctor is offline ladydoctor Post #14  April 5,2009, 1:54pm
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waltercl,565013 wrote :

LadyDoctor, let me see if I'm correctly ascertaining your take on this subject.


Let's say for instance....well.......I don't know........hmm if it were a man who might feel this way.


Are you saying it is completely legitimate and ok for a man who is in relatively good condition to expect a potential match to also be in good shape? And furthermore that is ok to define good condition as being at least somewhat slender?


I know I speak for the rest of the men when I say that this isn't something that we personally feel strongly about, but since you are a woman and a medical professional (making assumption based on name) we may just want to get your purely professional take on this
????
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #15  April 5,2009, 2:00pm
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From reading past threads it seems that if a man posts something about weight then it can often be perceived as a sign that he is purely superficial and only cares about physical appearance.


I think your post highlights that beyond aesthetics it is also about health and well-being. I just don't think women understand how much men care about their long-term health and quality of life. It isn't that men want some sleaky slender thing because it is visually appealing or more sexy. No, they are just concerned about her health, and they recognize that being more on the slender side and having an emphasis on health and fitness is what is going to help ensure that she stays healthy and is going to be there to enjoy that life-long relationship he has planned for her.


Men take such a bad rap. I just thought I'd share that little bit of perspective.


Sorry for the thread hijack though. I know what you're getting at, and you're just trying to find the best way (while remaining as tactful as possible) to make sure your matches are what you're looking for.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #16  April 5,2009, 2:12pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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ladydoctor,565001 wrote :

Someone mentioned gender. You never hear Roseanne Barr or Queen Latifah being described as a "teddy bear". But when a man becomes overweight there is a cutesy little name that he gets to make him feel better about it.
You've never heard of euphemisms such as 'big beautiful woman', 'curvy' or 'full-figured'?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #17  April 5,2009, 2:13pm
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waltercl,565039 wrote :

It isn't that men want some sleaky slender thing because it is visually appealing or more sexy.
Well..........
 
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noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #18  April 5,2009, 2:13pm
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With all due respect waltercl, the posts that I read coming from guys have little to do with the health of the woman. The usual cry is that they need to feel an initial attraction, which is impossible if the woman is overweight.
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #19  April 5,2009, 2:17pm
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noseyparker,565060 wrote :

With all due respect waltercl, the posts that I read coming from guys have little to do with the health of the woman. The usual cry is that they need to feel an initial attraction, which is impossible if the woman is overweight.
Nosey,


This is just men trying to hide their more emotional and caring side. They're afraid that if they let it show that what they really care about is the woman's health then they'll appear weak and whimpy. So they put a more manly spin on it and emphasize the visual component.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #20  April 5,2009, 2:22pm
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waltercl,565067 wrote :

noseyparker,565060 wrote :


With all due respect waltercl, the posts that I read coming from guys have little to do with the health of the woman. The usual cry is that they need to feel an initial attraction, which is impossible if the woman is overweight.


Nosey,


This is just men trying to hide their more emotional and caring side. They're afraid that if they let it show that what they really care about is the woman's health then they'll appear weak and whimpy. So they put a more manly spin on it and emphasize the visual component.
walter...I can't tell if you're being serious or joking. I'm in a health related field, so body composition is something I commonly deal with in terms of health. However, I also finder a slenderfemale bodyvery attractive. No two ways about it.
 
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