Lots of similarities but no chemistry..?


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greentea_girl is offline greentea_girl Post #1  April 3,2009, 9:15pm
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had nice time catching up with my friends.

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I met this guy on eharmony last December. Since then, we communicated on regular basis by emails and phone calls. Just 2 days ago, we have finally met each other for the first time. We had so much fun together and we found more and more things in common. We both feel special about each other, but we felt that there was no chemistry between us. We are not convinced to discontinue our communication but same time we are not sure what to do. Any suggestion?
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #2  April 3,2009, 9:27pm
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Sounds like you might need to look at your definition of chemistry. This is one term that is overused, and I have been closed numerous times citing no chemisty when there has not been any communication (which tells me they do not know what is means and that they are not willing to give a guy a chance).


You might need to give it some time for chemistry to surface, it sounds like a little of something is there.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  April 3,2009, 9:43pm
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It sounds to me that whether romantic chemistry develops or not that it would be a good relationship to continue as friends. The both of you seem on the same page and in good communication on where you stand so it wouldn't be leading anyone on.


Just talk with each other and see what you'd like to do. Sometimes love does come from friendship over time and other times you end up with a friend you wouldn't trade for the world.
 
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ravitaekwondo is offline ravitaekwondo Post #4  April 3,2009, 10:28pm
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greentea_girl, wrote :

I met this guy on eharmony last December. Since then, we communicated on regular basis by emails and phone calls. Just 2 days ago, we have finally met each other for the first time. We had so much fun together and we found more and more things in common. We both feel special about each other, but we felt that there was no chemistry between us. We are not convinced to discontinue our communication but same time we are not sure what to do. Any suggestion?
Hey there greetea_girl,


Why are you getting hung up on this dating b$ called chemistry? Are we talking about Le Chatelier's Principle of Equilibrium, or Avagadro's Number, or for that matter about the Periodic Table of Elements?


LOOK, YOU HAD AN AWESOME TIME, HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, AND FEEL SPECIAL!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK?


Forget all these nonsensical and bogus rules of dating like chemistry!!!
 
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guitarjunkie is offline guitarjunkie Post #5  April 3,2009, 10:39pm
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I feel chemistry is important, and by chemistry I mean the physical/sexual kind of attraction. The feeling that you absolutely have to kiss this girl/guy.


I just had a date the other day and it was very similar to what you describe. We had a lot in common and I can totally see her as a friend, but not as a romantic partner. There was just no chemistry from my side. I'm not too sure yet how she feels, but I've just sent her an email explaining how I feel. In any case, I hope we can remain friends, but I've found that's really hard to do when you started out in a dating situation. I've been dating a lot over the last year and only two of the girls I didn't click with are still friends of mine.


So maybe you can just discuss the possibility of remaining friends with your date and see what he thinks.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  April 4,2009, 4:28am
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To me...since you BOTH feel the same way if I'm reading your post right...


You can either decide to go your separate ways to find people who are more of a match in both the emotional and a physical (chemistry) connection..


You can both decide to remain friend's and enjoy eachother's company and see what develops with one another.


You can both decide to keep dating other people to find more of a complete match, but still see eachother as friends..


It's really about what YOU both want..


I know myself well enough that I am looking for both a man I have an emotional connection with, as well as the "Dang....I want to kiss those lips and heart goes pitter patter when they hold my hand!!!"..and yes...sometimes this can take a few dates for me, but not more than that,if I am at least attracted to him in the beginning...and I want a man who feels the same about me!!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #7  April 4,2009, 4:53am
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To the OP:


IMO, we live in an age of instant gratification, which transfers into whom we date and why. Snap judgements are made all the time about occupation, SES, etc, of potential mates. Online dating adds another addendum to the mix with pics and profiles judged in a nano-second(or though it seems at times...andI have been and still am guilty of this too!).


I agree with the posters in regards to chemistry that said give this relationship a chance. Sometimeschemistry (of the physical nature, I-gotta-have-you type)is not so sudden and is better when it creeps up in a relationship. You both had a great time and seem to like each other. I say give it a whirl and see what happens, without trying to figure out if there is chemistry of the "oh-my-God-I-just-gotta-have-this-man" vein. As I get older, I find that I don't trust my judgment based on my choice in men in the past and have come to love surprises. I now scrutinizewhen things are black and white, becausethatsometimes means I am judging a man based on some book I read about chemistry, and what all the dating 'talking-heads' tell me about how important chemistry is and what it should look/feel like (or thinking with a part of my body that always seems tooftensteer me down the wrong path!...LOL). I gave up trusting my chemistry-meter, and threw away all the self-help dating booksa few years ago...and have been much happiersince then.


HaveI found THE ONE? Nope...not yet, (I've been close but still not there yet),but not placing so much on instant chemistry has helped me to relax and enjoy dating for what it is...a self-evolving, self-reflectivejourney in a never-ending quest to find the one man that will make me feel complete and whole..my 'other half', so to speak.


I mean really.....aren't most of us still on the dating/single circuitbecause we have made those snap judgements and the relationship eventually failed anyway? Try something new...think outside the box...and enjoy each other. You never know what may happen!
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #8  April 4,2009, 5:11am
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If you’re both undecided as to whether or not to end communications, then I think that’s a pretty good indication that you shouldn’t end communications.
You know this whole “chemistry” thing is very simple and yet very tricky at the same time.
“It’s there or it isn’t. I either feel it or I don’t. There’s this kind there’s that kind, I want all kinds.” We’ve all heard it, probably all have said it.
I can see a picture on a profile and think “nahh, nope, no thank you, or absolutely not!” I can see a picture on a profile and think “hellooooooo there!” It’s dating, there are options, easy to weed through and pick and choose.
I can meet a guy in person and have either reaction, or neither reaction. Or maybe somewhere in the middle.
I’ve met men in the context of dating where I felt that instant physical attraction towards them, and men that I haven’t. I’ve met men in the context of dating where I have felt all the other kinds of ‘chemistry’ with, and men that I haven’t.
I’ve also met men in a context NOT related to dating who initially I may not have considered to be attractive initially, but you know what, sometimes a funny thing has happened… after a little bit of time, or after a lot of time even… I realized how veryyy attracted to them I was, because of who I had learned them to be. That’s a whole different ball game now. Physical attraction towards someone that if I had just merely “seen” them, rather than gotten to know them I may not have been attracted to. Rare, but it happens. And it’s just as real and as strong as that instant kind is. Not a thing that can be forced, and it doesn’t always go this way, but it is possible.
When it comes to meeting in a dating context – I think we all tend to fall, more or less, into that instant category. If it’s not there quick enough, move right along.
So again, to the op, if you’re both on the same page, then I say go for it, keep on communicating! You both may be pleasantly surprised. And after all, what really is the worst that can happen?
 
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deegoesgreen is offline deegoesgreen Post #9  April 4,2009, 6:18am
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I'm also in that netherland of no chemistry, too, but then again, we've only had two dates and a few phone conversations. I'm on the cusp of -- would several more interactions be leading him on, or should I let him know what my position is right this moment? I believe we've both enjoyed our time together, and would meetup again, but there's no physical draw for me yet (lustfully speaking), and certainly no emotional magnetism.


You've been in contact for four months. Maybe that's enough time and this level of friendship is all you two will ever reach. At least it's mutual. It's when one wants more, and quickly, that it sucks. Good luck!
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  April 4,2009, 6:35am
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deegoesgreen,563060 wrote :

You've been in contact for four months. Maybe that's enough time and this level of friendship is all you two will ever reach.
Would agree with this more than 100% if they had been in contact face to face for four months.


But,they have only met once.2 days before this posting. I think that's why I leaned toward the side of the fence of seeing it how it goes a little bit longer, and seeing if a physical attraction toward one another develops.


It seems in the 4 months other kinds of chemistry between them have, so it would seem a shame to toss that away because the "instant click" wasn't there.
 
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